Men & Emotions

Emotions

Emotions are a part of life. They are universal whether you are man, woman, or child. They make us human. At some point in life we will all experience great happiness due to achieving a goal, anger when frustrated with a difficult situation, sadness at the loss of a loved one, and so many things in between. Emotions serve a purpose. These emotions get our attention and demand a response. Emotions like fear can protect you. Emotions like anger or shame can impel you to take appropriate action. God can also use these emotions to help you reflect on what's happening beneath the surface in your life. Emotions can be a gauge of issues buried deep within the soul.

Society's View of Emotions

This post is to talk about society's view of emotions for men. It's accepted for men to display emotions such as happiness or anger, but the world tells us a man is weak if he shows fear or sadness. True, men probably shouldn't have these emotions as frequently as women, but it's okay for men to feel every emotion that there is and not be ashamed of it. Our world has different standards of when to show certain emotions. In our society, we are told that it's okay for men to be angry, and to express anger with violence in some situations but not in others. For example, you can fight another man, but not hit a woman or child. Our society tells us that it's a weakness for men to express their feelings, especially ones like fear or sadness. Growing up, we heard, "A man isn't supposed to cry", "Take it like a man", and "Man up!" It's more socially acceptable for women to express then kinds of feelings than men. We teach little boys that they shouldn't cry, and this does a lot of damage to their psychological health. To that boy who's being abused, he grows up with all of that hurt in his life. He has had no way to channel it so one day he lashes out in a violent manner. Emotions help us to heal if we release them and deal with them at that moment. Men can't show feelings of heartbreak or otherwise he'll be viewed as weak by his peers, so instead of expressing sadness he shows bitterness or angry and mistreats the next woman because it's the more "socially acceptable" thing to do.

Biblical Validation of Men's Emotions

So are we to get our views of love from society? If you're a Christian, you want to take a cue from what the Bible says. For example, David was a warrior king. He did many heroic exploits and won many battles. But when his infant son was dying, he wept and refused to eat (2 Samuel 12). Later when an adult son rebelled against him and was killed in the process, David cried openly (2 Samuel 18:33). 

Jesus also expressed a whole range of emotions, including anger.

Matthew 21:12-13 Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out all the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves. 13 He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!”

That seems like a manly expression of emotion, according to our culture. But Jesus also wept in public over the death of a friend (John 11:35). Nothing is wrong with showing emotions. It is healthy and normal to feel a wide range of emotions in this life. It's okay to feel these emotions as long as we don't let them control us. Remember, there's a purpose to why you feel the way you do.

What should Men Do With Their Emotions?

• Don't deny or stuff them. They are part of how God created you. Men don't have to be like women in order to feel and express emotions. So be aware of your emotions and don't pretend they aren't real.

• Allow them to teach you. Have the courage to ask, "Why am I feeling this? What is causing me to be angry? To feel this fear?" These questions can reveal important issues beneath the surface that you might otherwise not recognize. Once you tuned in, you can address those issues in a healthy way.

• Don't let them rule your choices. Acknowledge what you're feeling. Then respond to those feelings in a way that honors God. Choose to act based on God's word and God's truth rather than on the impulse of the emotion.

Again, men are different from women. That doesn't mean men don't have emotions. Men can learn to respond to emotions in a way that is honest yet also brings honor to God. 

Qualities of a Godly Husband

So I made a blog to let men know what kind of woman to look for. I couldn't forget about my brothers, so I wrote one on the qualities a man should seek to have within himself. Initially is seems that Proverbs had little to say to the woman who sought to discern the qualities of a godly husband. I have come to see that this is not at all the case. In general, we can say that a woman should seek a man who is wise. Proverbs speaks a lot on wisdom. These are things that seem applicable to marriage:

1. A wise husband is kind and compassionate (12:10).

2. A wise husband is honest (29:24).

3. A wise husband is hard-working (12:11; 27:23-27).

4. A wise husband is truthful (12:17,19)

5. A wise husband exercises self-control (12:15; 16:32).

6. A wise husband has a gentle tongue (12:18; 15:1-2,4).

7. A wise husband is generous (14:21; 28:27).

8. A wise husband is willing to be corrected (even by his wife) and listens to counsel (12:15; 15:12,31-32, 28:13; 29:1).

9. A wise husband is a man of integrity (19:1; 20:7)

10. A wise husband is faithful and reliable (17:17; 29:3; contrast 25:19; 31:3).

11. A wise husband is forgiving (19:11).

12. A wise husband is willing to admit he is wrong (28:13).

13. A wise husband is humble (15:25,33; 16:18-19; 18:12; 29:23).

14. A wise husband is not contentious, but a peacemaker (17:1; 18:1,19).

15. A wise husband has control of his temper (14:29; 16:32; 17:27; 29:11).

16. A wise husband is a man who avoids excesses (20:1; 23:20-21, 29-35; 31:3-9).

17. A wise husband has a concern for others, especially the poor and the oppressed (29:7).

18. A wise husband can keep a confidence (17:9; 26:20).

19. A wise husband fears God and is obedient to His word (13:13; 14:26; 16:20; 28:25; 31:30)

20. A wise husband is not a jealous man (27:4).

21. The wise husband has a positive outlook on life (15:15; 17:22; 18:14)

10 Qualities of a Man

1. Priest - Leads his family and community spiritually. He prays with and for his family daily because he knows that the fervent, effectual prayers of a righteous man avail much. He takes his family to church and is not simply present on Sundays but actively involved. He stays submit to the church and its vision.

2. King - Provides financial, emotional, and physical stability for whom he is responsible for.

3. Warrior/Soldier - A protector. His spirit is assertive and aggressive. He is willing to live and die for what he believes in.

4. Character - He does not compromise his beliefs. He has a problem lying to his boss or breaking his promises.

5. Disciplined - Controls his flesh. He understands that success only comes with discipline and there is no room for excuses. He has enough self-control to stop lusting, drinking, smoking, lying, and fornicating.

6. Accountable - Allows himself to be challenged and held to a higher standard than the world would dictate. No man can be strong if he is not accountable to someone else. Do not refuse instruction and always seek wise and Godly counsel. A man without accountability is a dangerous man. "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:8-12

7. Committed - Will do whatever it takes to achieve goals. Sleepless nights are a small price to pay.

8. Servant - Jesus was a servant so never believe that serving others needs before your own is beneath you.

9. Visionary - Proverbs 29:18 says, "Where there is no vision the people perish". This man is living today but also sees tomorrow, he is planning and preparing for the future. He has conceived something in his mind and is now moving toward bringing that into existence.

10. Leader - He is the "point man". He leads by example and sets the tone. This man understands that as he goes, so the family goes.

Although there are many more qualities that a man should desire, these are some of the main ones in my eyes. But whatever you do, make sure your desired qualities are from God. If these qualities seem unattainable, remember that it will not happen overnight. We are in this battle together. Be willing to change and God will order your steps.

Tips for Being a Successful College Student

You just graduated high school and you're off to the wonderful world of college. No more being waken up by mom and having home cooked meals. You're almost in the adult world so I hope you're ready to take on the challenge of adjusting to this new stage. While I can't help you prepare any meals or make sure you get to that 8:00 class on time, there are a few things that I can share that I think will be beneficial to helping you have a wonderful academic experience in college.

1. Be Confident! The Bible says "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee." (Provers 23:7) Most students attitude towards a class dictate their success in the class. Have a spirit of conquering the class and enter the class with confidence of succeeding.

2. Take Notes! As college students there are plenty of things that take place in your mind, taking notes is the key essential of memorizing lectures.

3. Organize your time! Organize each goal to the level of importance it has. Take time for your self to do whatever you want to do.

4. Get involved! It is statistically shown that college students who are involved in any extracurricular activities are more likely to be better students. It will also look better on resumes and will make your college experience a lot more satisfying in retrospect.

5. Procrastination, No MORE!!! I know in high school you were used to passing a test without studying or waiting until the last minute to handle very important business, but that will kill your GPA quickly in college. Some college students do well under pressure, however setting time to complete one task will give the college student more ease to focus on different task(s) and will also ease the stress level.

6. Intern! Apply what you learn in college in a work environment, learn hands on what you want to do the rest of your life.

7. Communicate! Develop a constant communication with your professors, and classmates. Communicate with your professor so that (s)he will know you personally to discover your academic strengths and weakness(es). Communicate with your classmates because you never know when you'll need them.

8. STUDY! Set time to study, study when it is best for you, study with a clear mind, free from distractions and take breaks when studying, or start a study group.

9. Know your limit! Sometimes you will have to withdraw from courses, if it is better in drastic cases to withdraw from a certain course than fail it then do so. If you need a tutor get one, know your limit, ask for assistance. This may also mean less time with friends and working less hours if you have a job to make sure your GPA remains where you want it to be.

10. Becoming a college student isn't about good grades. It's about your mindset. If you don't take anything else I said remember it is all about application. You get what you put out. Having a positive mindset and applying your positive mind will help you become a successful student despite your grades.

Guidance

Your word is a lamp to my feet
            and a light to my path.
I have sworn an oath and confirmed it,
            to keep your righteous rules.

Psalm 119:105-106

Have you ever bought an item that had to be put together. Were you confused about how to assemble it? If you’re like me, maybe you even enjoy the challenge of doing it without using the instructions.

I’ve done that many times. And all too often, I end up with pieces left and have to basically start over. It’s then I finally think, “I really should’ve used those instructions.”

There are a lot of people who do that with life. They trust in themselves to figure it out and learn the hard way when things blow up. So they’re left broken, hurting, and wishing they’d have had instructions from the very beginning. But the truth is that God has given us instructions for living--instructions found in the pages of the Scriptures.

I often hear people say they're trying to find themselves or figure out their purpose. So many people are trying to live life without the instructions. It’s heartbreaking to see the pain it causes. So get instructions for daily living by diving into God’s Word and walking in obedience to Him. It’s there you’ll find the fullness of joy as you discover the incredible plan He has for your life!

Dating to Courting

These are some notes that I have taken over the years from other pastors and from my own study on Christian dating. I feel that these will bless someone and give someone a better understanding of dating God's way. Marriage and relationships aren't just about people falling in love. It's about what God has for the man to do and the woman is to help him meet his objective.

1. Date with the intention of finding a partner for marriage.
-Choose a Christian
-Choose a kindred spirit
-Look for character
-Look for accomplishments

2. Ask "How can I be the one?" instead of "How can I find the one?"

Rules of Courting

These a rules of Biblical courtship. Your specific rules may differ depending on your conviction and how much temptation they may be for you.

-Takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all until marriage.

-Many in a courtship relationship won't spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times.

-Courting couples state up front their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner.
-Courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a platonic setting without the pleasures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.

A Relationship to Glorify God

1. STOP having sex ( 1 Corinthians 6:18).

2. Guard your heart ( Proverbs 4:23). Stop watching stupid reality TV shows, going to clubs.

3. Actions. Don't show off your body. It was bought at a price. Marriage pays for it. 

4. Tell your emotions to shut up. Control your flesh and resist intimate urges. Love God more than you love each other.

5. God has to be first. Spend daily time with Him, apply what you learned, serve in your local church, pray for your partner, forgive whoever hurt you - DO YOUR PART.

6. Spend time with God.

Scripture

Unselfish

 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Philippians 2:3

Way to treat a partner during courtship

-Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;

2 The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. 1 Timothy 5:1-2

-and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 1 Thessalonians 4:6

Qualities for Women to Look for in Men

Spiritual leader

and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 1 Corinthians 14:35

1. Responsibility constitutes manhood.
2. Intelligence by gathering information from studying surroundings.
3. Can teach you the Word of God (Ephesians 5:26)

(Sorry I don't have more on qualities to look for in a man)

Things We Already Know

1. Don't be unequally yoked. ( 2 Corinthians 6:14)

2. Watch the way you dress. (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

3. Don't place yourself in a compromising situation. ( 2 Corinthians 2:11)

4. Maintain sexual purity.

A Relationship Built on God's Love

1. You love the other person for who he or she is rather than what you get from the person. (John 3:16)

2. You have Christ at the center of your relationship. (Matthew 6:33) When Jesus is at the center of all you do, your conduct will never bring you shame or regret.

3. You are waiting until marriage until any physical relationship. ( 1 Corinthians 13:4)

4. You respect the other person's feelings and wishes. ( 1 Corinthians 13:5)

5. Love seeks to serve the other person rather than be served. (Philippians 2:3-4)

Things to Look for in a Great Wife

1. Does she love God? (Ephesians 5:21)

2. Does she respect authority? (Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18)

3. Does she believe in you? (Genesis 2:18)

4. Does she have a peaceful spirit? (Proverbs 19:13; 21:9)

•  Proverbs 31:26-31
• She doesn't need the praise of people but lets her work speak for her.
• share Christian beliefs
• makes you a better man
• trustworthy
• ambitious
• selfless
• attractive from the inside out 
• smart as in being wise, giving good advice, and can hold a conversation
• loves unconditionally
• responsible 
• if children, under control
• respectful
• gets along with your family

Preparing for Marriage

1. Spiritual Stability (Matthew 7:24-27)

2. Emotional Health (Proverbs 25:28)

3. Physical fitness (1 Timothy 4:8)

4. Financial Soundness (Luke 16:1-8)

5. Maturity ( Be responsible) (James 1:22-25)

6. Friendship Skills

7. Solving Conflict ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; 1 Peter 4:8)

Habits for a Happy Marriage

1. Patience

2. Ability to Listen

3. Servanthood

4. Humility

5. Character

6. Love

7. Pray together (Matthew 18:20)

Purpose

One thing that I learned about purpose is that it doesn't just benefit you. Since we are put here to love one another, whatever God has purposed you to do will bring good to someone else. Love is the standard of a Christ follower. Any purpose given will be a loving act towards His people. True purpose is revealed in your pursuit of God, not in your plans and procedures. The truth is that I can live my whole life accomplishing everything on my list of goals but still not have fulfilled my God-given purpose. True success to a believer is obedience in all things.

For a follower of Christ, our purpose is simple. I know a lot of us think of what career we will do as being our purpose, but that's not totally it. We may accomplish our purpose through our career but that in and of itself is not our purpose. Our purpose is to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus tasked His disciples with the Great Commission (Matthew 29:18). That is our purpose here on earth whether we're a doctor, lawyer, bus driver, or janitor. Our purpose is to take the gospel out into the world. So what actions can you take or what can you do on your job to share the gospel. Maybe if you're a nurse you can pray over a person or invite them to Jesus when they're on their death bed. If you own your own business, post scriptures throughout the building. Nothing should stop us from finding out how to fulfill our purpose on spreading the gospel.