Men & Emotions

Emotions

Emotions are a part of life. They are universal whether you are man, woman, or child. They make us human. At some point in life we will all experience great happiness due to achieving a goal, anger when frustrated with a difficult situation, sadness at the loss of a loved one, and so many things in between. Emotions serve a purpose. These emotions get our attention and demand a response. Emotions like fear can protect you. Emotions like anger or shame can impel you to take appropriate action. God can also use these emotions to help you reflect on what's happening beneath the surface in your life. Emotions can be a gauge of issues buried deep within the soul.

Society's View of Emotions

This post is to talk about society's view of emotions for men. It's accepted for men to display emotions such as happiness or anger, but the world tells us a man is weak if he shows fear or sadness. True, men probably shouldn't have these emotions as frequently as women, but it's okay for men to feel every emotion that there is and not be ashamed of it. Our world has different standards of when to show certain emotions. In our society, we are told that it's okay for men to be angry, and to express anger with violence in some situations but not in others. For example, you can fight another man, but not hit a woman or child. Our society tells us that it's a weakness for men to express their feelings, especially ones like fear or sadness. Growing up, we heard, "A man isn't supposed to cry", "Take it like a man", and "Man up!" It's more socially acceptable for women to express then kinds of feelings than men. We teach little boys that they shouldn't cry, and this does a lot of damage to their psychological health. To that boy who's being abused, he grows up with all of that hurt in his life. He has had no way to channel it so one day he lashes out in a violent manner. Emotions help us to heal if we release them and deal with them at that moment. Men can't show feelings of heartbreak or otherwise he'll be viewed as weak by his peers, so instead of expressing sadness he shows bitterness or angry and mistreats the next woman because it's the more "socially acceptable" thing to do.

Biblical Validation of Men's Emotions

So are we to get our views of love from society? If you're a Christian, you want to take a cue from what the Bible says. For example, David was a warrior king. He did many heroic exploits and won many battles. But when his infant son was dying, he wept and refused to eat (2 Samuel 12). Later when an adult son rebelled against him and was killed in the process, David cried openly (2 Samuel 18:33). 

Jesus also expressed a whole range of emotions, including anger.

Matthew 21:12-13 Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out all the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves. 13 He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!”

That seems like a manly expression of emotion, according to our culture. But Jesus also wept in public over the death of a friend (John 11:35). Nothing is wrong with showing emotions. It is healthy and normal to feel a wide range of emotions in this life. It's okay to feel these emotions as long as we don't let them control us. Remember, there's a purpose to why you feel the way you do.

What should Men Do With Their Emotions?

• Don't deny or stuff them. They are part of how God created you. Men don't have to be like women in order to feel and express emotions. So be aware of your emotions and don't pretend they aren't real.

• Allow them to teach you. Have the courage to ask, "Why am I feeling this? What is causing me to be angry? To feel this fear?" These questions can reveal important issues beneath the surface that you might otherwise not recognize. Once you tuned in, you can address those issues in a healthy way.

• Don't let them rule your choices. Acknowledge what you're feeling. Then respond to those feelings in a way that honors God. Choose to act based on God's word and God's truth rather than on the impulse of the emotion.

Again, men are different from women. That doesn't mean men don't have emotions. Men can learn to respond to emotions in a way that is honest yet also brings honor to God.