That's Just How I Am

     We're all guilty of it. We respond to hurt with harsh words or act insensitive to the needs of others. We only eat a particular food or wear a particular brand of clothing. It's who we are. We've found our comfort zone and we're very reluctant to veer from the norm. It could be the way we talk. More often than not, it's something opinionated, hurtful, or selfish. And we hide behind, "That's just who I am.", "That's just the way I've always been.", or "Better you than me, because I'm not that nice." Those are terrible things to say. Phrases like that assume that you've fully grown and achieved the status of "me" and "I am". Only God can rightfully be described as "I AM". The rest of us are becoming.

     We should never be limited or satisfied with who we are. It should never remain the same for long. Yes, God gave us tendencies and unique personalities through our genes and cultural background, but God also gives us grace to either grow those in positive directions or overcome them. "Who I am" is much less relevant and meaningful than who I am becoming.

     If you choose to hide behind the destination of "me", you're choosing conflict, disappointment, and frustration. You're settling in one place as those around you move on. You'll be a stationary obstacle as they travel on the path to who they're becoming. Let "you" be a movable concept in the hands of God. Have the humility to recognize needed changes and to appreciate outside input. Yes, God gave you tendencies and a personality. But God is I AM. You are becoming, He does not change. You should continue to change. Life is about growth. Growth is a destination that can't be reached until death. Don't settle for "I am". You will limit your growth and won't be very effective in accomplishing all God has called you to do. Some of your tendencies have to be changed so that you can take on the personality of the great "I AM".

"But Moses protested, “If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what should I tell them?” God replied to Moses, “I am who i am.[a] Say this to the people of Israel: I am has sent me to you.” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: Yahweh, the God of your ancestors—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.
This is my eternal name,
    my name to remember for all generations." ~ Exodus 3: 13-15

Convenient Love

“Convenience plays a huge factor in so many of the decisions we make each day. We often consider what will be the most convenient when it comes to our daily plans, future decisions, and other basic events. We think about what the most convenient use of our time will be or how we can make something easier, faster, or more efficient. And oftentimes, it is both necessary and wise to think this way because it saves us time, money, and, let's face it, effort.

But some areas of our lives shouldn't be convenient. The decisions we make for relationships shouldn't always be about what's the most convenient. The way we handle struggles at work shouldn't always be about what's easier or faster. And, our relationship with Jesus should never be about convenience either.

Now, this is a big statement. This calls us to be uncomfortable, sacrificial, and in general, it asks us to be inconvenienced by our love for Christ. None of which is easy to do or to be.
With so many outside pressures and temptations, it's easy for us as Christians to justify sinful behavior. It's easy for us to decide that some sins are worse than others or for us to decide that certain sins are okay. Even more so, it's easy for us to sin without even being aware we are doing so. And sometimes, we abuse grace in the hopes that God will still be loving and forgive us anyways. We behave in a way that is convenient and hope that God won't do the same because regardless of our sin, we like to depend on the fact that God will still be there for us in a convenient way. So we continue to sin because it's convenient. But imagine if God only forgave us when it was convenient? Imagine if he only answered our prayers, showered us in grace, and loved us when it was convenient for Him?

We receive inconvenient (for Him), endless, unconditional love and forgiveness from Christ. And while it is inconvenient to sacrifice our desires, remove temptations, and struggle to live in a way that is pleasing to God, it is the loving response and the least we can do for someone who provides us with so much. While we will repeatedly fail at this and continue to sin, that is where His inconvenient grace and love is so great.

It's also convenient for us to pick and choose which parts of the bible work best for us. We are really good at memorizing the stereotypical verses that have everything in it for us because it's convenient to know those. We memorize verse after verse on God's love, power, strength, and forgiveness, yet we fail to recall the verses on His wrath, anger, and justness. We pick the rules and teachings that conveniently fit into our lifestyles, yet ignore the ones that might call us to any inconvenience.

But following God should be inconvenient. He calls us to live uncomfortable and radical lives. He challenges us to strengthen our faith and to act in crazy ways. He asks us to abstain from the things that tempt us the most. An inconvenient relationship with God leads to a life that flourishes with Jesus's strength, endurance, passion, forgiveness, and love. That sounds pretty convenient to me.” ~ Megan Graham

One of the easiest things to do is love when others treat us nice, we get a reward in return, or simply when we feel like it. I was taught to treat people with kindness and say nice things. But do I love like Jesus only when it’s convenient, or all the time as He commanded us to? I know that God has called us to love. Love isn’t conditional. I don’t love if this condition is met or if that command is met. Love should be shown regardless and sometimes I struggle with that. Love is always the right thing to do no matter how I feel. I can follow the rules because I’m supposed to. I give to charity, give to the church, pay my taxes, don’t drive off without paying for my gas at the pump. I’m aware of doing the right thing and I know what the bare minimum entails. But there’s another way to live and that’s like Jesus. Do I treat people with love when they gossip about me, do I sacrifice my time only when I feel like it, do I give to others only when I feel like it? There’s another way to live and that’s like Jesus. I know that Jesus is fully aware of our inaction and our half-hearted smiles. I’ll never believe that Jesus is cool with me quoting, “Love God and love your neighbor” while I pass that neighbor by, pretending I’m not aware there was a need. I’ve taught myself to make sacrifices for others when its convenient to my calendar and my bank account. If loving people is going to interrupt my schedule, I might have to take a raincheck. I live a life blinded to the reality of the struggles of the people around me. I know how to do the right thing. I can spend a lot of hours doing community service. I know how much money I’ve donated to charity, but all of that came at my leisure. It showed up at the right time in the right way so I did it.

So how can I change my attitude and perception of sacrificial living? When do I approach the teachings of Jesus as if they matter more than my convenience? When do I embrace the idea that loving others isn’t just the right thing, it’s the only thing. I know that I can’t help everyone, but that should be no excuse not to help anyone. It seems ridiculous to say this but here it comes…We can do this better. We can CHOOSE to love like Jesus did.

Men & Emotions

Emotions

Emotions are a part of life. They are universal whether you are man, woman, or child. They make us human. At some point in life we will all experience great happiness due to achieving a goal, anger when frustrated with a difficult situation, sadness at the loss of a loved one, and so many things in between. Emotions serve a purpose. These emotions get our attention and demand a response. Emotions like fear can protect you. Emotions like anger or shame can impel you to take appropriate action. God can also use these emotions to help you reflect on what's happening beneath the surface in your life. Emotions can be a gauge of issues buried deep within the soul.

Society's View of Emotions

This post is to talk about society's view of emotions for men. It's accepted for men to display emotions such as happiness or anger, but the world tells us a man is weak if he shows fear or sadness. True, men probably shouldn't have these emotions as frequently as women, but it's okay for men to feel every emotion that there is and not be ashamed of it. Our world has different standards of when to show certain emotions. In our society, we are told that it's okay for men to be angry, and to express anger with violence in some situations but not in others. For example, you can fight another man, but not hit a woman or child. Our society tells us that it's a weakness for men to express their feelings, especially ones like fear or sadness. Growing up, we heard, "A man isn't supposed to cry", "Take it like a man", and "Man up!" It's more socially acceptable for women to express then kinds of feelings than men. We teach little boys that they shouldn't cry, and this does a lot of damage to their psychological health. To that boy who's being abused, he grows up with all of that hurt in his life. He has had no way to channel it so one day he lashes out in a violent manner. Emotions help us to heal if we release them and deal with them at that moment. Men can't show feelings of heartbreak or otherwise he'll be viewed as weak by his peers, so instead of expressing sadness he shows bitterness or angry and mistreats the next woman because it's the more "socially acceptable" thing to do.

Biblical Validation of Men's Emotions

So are we to get our views of love from society? If you're a Christian, you want to take a cue from what the Bible says. For example, David was a warrior king. He did many heroic exploits and won many battles. But when his infant son was dying, he wept and refused to eat (2 Samuel 12). Later when an adult son rebelled against him and was killed in the process, David cried openly (2 Samuel 18:33). 

Jesus also expressed a whole range of emotions, including anger.

Matthew 21:12-13 Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out all the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves. 13 He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!”

That seems like a manly expression of emotion, according to our culture. But Jesus also wept in public over the death of a friend (John 11:35). Nothing is wrong with showing emotions. It is healthy and normal to feel a wide range of emotions in this life. It's okay to feel these emotions as long as we don't let them control us. Remember, there's a purpose to why you feel the way you do.

What should Men Do With Their Emotions?

• Don't deny or stuff them. They are part of how God created you. Men don't have to be like women in order to feel and express emotions. So be aware of your emotions and don't pretend they aren't real.

• Allow them to teach you. Have the courage to ask, "Why am I feeling this? What is causing me to be angry? To feel this fear?" These questions can reveal important issues beneath the surface that you might otherwise not recognize. Once you tuned in, you can address those issues in a healthy way.

• Don't let them rule your choices. Acknowledge what you're feeling. Then respond to those feelings in a way that honors God. Choose to act based on God's word and God's truth rather than on the impulse of the emotion.

Again, men are different from women. That doesn't mean men don't have emotions. Men can learn to respond to emotions in a way that is honest yet also brings honor to God. 

Qualities of a Godly Husband

So I made a blog to let men know what kind of woman to look for. I couldn't forget about my brothers, so I wrote one on the qualities a man should seek to have within himself. Initially is seems that Proverbs had little to say to the woman who sought to discern the qualities of a godly husband. I have come to see that this is not at all the case. In general, we can say that a woman should seek a man who is wise. Proverbs speaks a lot on wisdom. These are things that seem applicable to marriage:

1. A wise husband is kind and compassionate (12:10).

2. A wise husband is honest (29:24).

3. A wise husband is hard-working (12:11; 27:23-27).

4. A wise husband is truthful (12:17,19)

5. A wise husband exercises self-control (12:15; 16:32).

6. A wise husband has a gentle tongue (12:18; 15:1-2,4).

7. A wise husband is generous (14:21; 28:27).

8. A wise husband is willing to be corrected (even by his wife) and listens to counsel (12:15; 15:12,31-32, 28:13; 29:1).

9. A wise husband is a man of integrity (19:1; 20:7)

10. A wise husband is faithful and reliable (17:17; 29:3; contrast 25:19; 31:3).

11. A wise husband is forgiving (19:11).

12. A wise husband is willing to admit he is wrong (28:13).

13. A wise husband is humble (15:25,33; 16:18-19; 18:12; 29:23).

14. A wise husband is not contentious, but a peacemaker (17:1; 18:1,19).

15. A wise husband has control of his temper (14:29; 16:32; 17:27; 29:11).

16. A wise husband is a man who avoids excesses (20:1; 23:20-21, 29-35; 31:3-9).

17. A wise husband has a concern for others, especially the poor and the oppressed (29:7).

18. A wise husband can keep a confidence (17:9; 26:20).

19. A wise husband fears God and is obedient to His word (13:13; 14:26; 16:20; 28:25; 31:30)

20. A wise husband is not a jealous man (27:4).

21. The wise husband has a positive outlook on life (15:15; 17:22; 18:14)

10 Qualities of a Man

1. Priest - Leads his family and community spiritually. He prays with and for his family daily because he knows that the fervent, effectual prayers of a righteous man avail much. He takes his family to church and is not simply present on Sundays but actively involved. He stays submit to the church and its vision.

2. King - Provides financial, emotional, and physical stability for whom he is responsible for.

3. Warrior/Soldier - A protector. His spirit is assertive and aggressive. He is willing to live and die for what he believes in.

4. Character - He does not compromise his beliefs. He has a problem lying to his boss or breaking his promises.

5. Disciplined - Controls his flesh. He understands that success only comes with discipline and there is no room for excuses. He has enough self-control to stop lusting, drinking, smoking, lying, and fornicating.

6. Accountable - Allows himself to be challenged and held to a higher standard than the world would dictate. No man can be strong if he is not accountable to someone else. Do not refuse instruction and always seek wise and Godly counsel. A man without accountability is a dangerous man. "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:8-12

7. Committed - Will do whatever it takes to achieve goals. Sleepless nights are a small price to pay.

8. Servant - Jesus was a servant so never believe that serving others needs before your own is beneath you.

9. Visionary - Proverbs 29:18 says, "Where there is no vision the people perish". This man is living today but also sees tomorrow, he is planning and preparing for the future. He has conceived something in his mind and is now moving toward bringing that into existence.

10. Leader - He is the "point man". He leads by example and sets the tone. This man understands that as he goes, so the family goes.

Although there are many more qualities that a man should desire, these are some of the main ones in my eyes. But whatever you do, make sure your desired qualities are from God. If these qualities seem unattainable, remember that it will not happen overnight. We are in this battle together. Be willing to change and God will order your steps.

Tips for Being a Successful College Student

You just graduated high school and you're off to the wonderful world of college. No more being waken up by mom and having home cooked meals. You're almost in the adult world so I hope you're ready to take on the challenge of adjusting to this new stage. While I can't help you prepare any meals or make sure you get to that 8:00 class on time, there are a few things that I can share that I think will be beneficial to helping you have a wonderful academic experience in college.

1. Be Confident! The Bible says "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee." (Provers 23:7) Most students attitude towards a class dictate their success in the class. Have a spirit of conquering the class and enter the class with confidence of succeeding.

2. Take Notes! As college students there are plenty of things that take place in your mind, taking notes is the key essential of memorizing lectures.

3. Organize your time! Organize each goal to the level of importance it has. Take time for your self to do whatever you want to do.

4. Get involved! It is statistically shown that college students who are involved in any extracurricular activities are more likely to be better students. It will also look better on resumes and will make your college experience a lot more satisfying in retrospect.

5. Procrastination, No MORE!!! I know in high school you were used to passing a test without studying or waiting until the last minute to handle very important business, but that will kill your GPA quickly in college. Some college students do well under pressure, however setting time to complete one task will give the college student more ease to focus on different task(s) and will also ease the stress level.

6. Intern! Apply what you learn in college in a work environment, learn hands on what you want to do the rest of your life.

7. Communicate! Develop a constant communication with your professors, and classmates. Communicate with your professor so that (s)he will know you personally to discover your academic strengths and weakness(es). Communicate with your classmates because you never know when you'll need them.

8. STUDY! Set time to study, study when it is best for you, study with a clear mind, free from distractions and take breaks when studying, or start a study group.

9. Know your limit! Sometimes you will have to withdraw from courses, if it is better in drastic cases to withdraw from a certain course than fail it then do so. If you need a tutor get one, know your limit, ask for assistance. This may also mean less time with friends and working less hours if you have a job to make sure your GPA remains where you want it to be.

10. Becoming a college student isn't about good grades. It's about your mindset. If you don't take anything else I said remember it is all about application. You get what you put out. Having a positive mindset and applying your positive mind will help you become a successful student despite your grades.

Guidance

Your word is a lamp to my feet
            and a light to my path.
I have sworn an oath and confirmed it,
            to keep your righteous rules.

Psalm 119:105-106

Have you ever bought an item that had to be put together. Were you confused about how to assemble it? If you’re like me, maybe you even enjoy the challenge of doing it without using the instructions.

I’ve done that many times. And all too often, I end up with pieces left and have to basically start over. It’s then I finally think, “I really should’ve used those instructions.”

There are a lot of people who do that with life. They trust in themselves to figure it out and learn the hard way when things blow up. So they’re left broken, hurting, and wishing they’d have had instructions from the very beginning. But the truth is that God has given us instructions for living--instructions found in the pages of the Scriptures.

I often hear people say they're trying to find themselves or figure out their purpose. So many people are trying to live life without the instructions. It’s heartbreaking to see the pain it causes. So get instructions for daily living by diving into God’s Word and walking in obedience to Him. It’s there you’ll find the fullness of joy as you discover the incredible plan He has for your life!