Dating to Courting

These are some notes that I have taken over the years from other pastors and from my own study on Christian dating. I feel that these will bless someone and give someone a better understanding of dating God's way. Marriage and relationships aren't just about people falling in love. It's about what God has for the man to do and the woman is to help him meet his objective.

1. Date with the intention of finding a partner for marriage.
-Choose a Christian
-Choose a kindred spirit
-Look for character
-Look for accomplishments

2. Ask "How can I be the one?" instead of "How can I find the one?"

Rules of Courting

These a rules of Biblical courtship. Your specific rules may differ depending on your conviction and how much temptation they may be for you.

-Takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all until marriage.

-Many in a courtship relationship won't spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times.

-Courting couples state up front their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner.
-Courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a platonic setting without the pleasures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.

A Relationship to Glorify God

1. STOP having sex ( 1 Corinthians 6:18).

2. Guard your heart ( Proverbs 4:23). Stop watching stupid reality TV shows, going to clubs.

3. Actions. Don't show off your body. It was bought at a price. Marriage pays for it. 

4. Tell your emotions to shut up. Control your flesh and resist intimate urges. Love God more than you love each other.

5. God has to be first. Spend daily time with Him, apply what you learned, serve in your local church, pray for your partner, forgive whoever hurt you - DO YOUR PART.

6. Spend time with God.

Scripture

Unselfish

 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Philippians 2:3

Way to treat a partner during courtship

-Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren;

2 The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. 1 Timothy 5:1-2

-and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 1 Thessalonians 4:6

Qualities for Women to Look for in Men

Spiritual leader

and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 1 Corinthians 14:35

1. Responsibility constitutes manhood.
2. Intelligence by gathering information from studying surroundings.
3. Can teach you the Word of God (Ephesians 5:26)

(Sorry I don't have more on qualities to look for in a man)

Things We Already Know

1. Don't be unequally yoked. ( 2 Corinthians 6:14)

2. Watch the way you dress. (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

3. Don't place yourself in a compromising situation. ( 2 Corinthians 2:11)

4. Maintain sexual purity.

A Relationship Built on God's Love

1. You love the other person for who he or she is rather than what you get from the person. (John 3:16)

2. You have Christ at the center of your relationship. (Matthew 6:33) When Jesus is at the center of all you do, your conduct will never bring you shame or regret.

3. You are waiting until marriage until any physical relationship. ( 1 Corinthians 13:4)

4. You respect the other person's feelings and wishes. ( 1 Corinthians 13:5)

5. Love seeks to serve the other person rather than be served. (Philippians 2:3-4)

Things to Look for in a Great Wife

1. Does she love God? (Ephesians 5:21)

2. Does she respect authority? (Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18)

3. Does she believe in you? (Genesis 2:18)

4. Does she have a peaceful spirit? (Proverbs 19:13; 21:9)

•  Proverbs 31:26-31
• She doesn't need the praise of people but lets her work speak for her.
• share Christian beliefs
• makes you a better man
• trustworthy
• ambitious
• selfless
• attractive from the inside out 
• smart as in being wise, giving good advice, and can hold a conversation
• loves unconditionally
• responsible 
• if children, under control
• respectful
• gets along with your family

Preparing for Marriage

1. Spiritual Stability (Matthew 7:24-27)

2. Emotional Health (Proverbs 25:28)

3. Physical fitness (1 Timothy 4:8)

4. Financial Soundness (Luke 16:1-8)

5. Maturity ( Be responsible) (James 1:22-25)

6. Friendship Skills

7. Solving Conflict ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; 1 Peter 4:8)

Habits for a Happy Marriage

1. Patience

2. Ability to Listen

3. Servanthood

4. Humility

5. Character

6. Love

7. Pray together (Matthew 18:20)

Purpose

One thing that I learned about purpose is that it doesn't just benefit you. Since we are put here to love one another, whatever God has purposed you to do will bring good to someone else. Love is the standard of a Christ follower. Any purpose given will be a loving act towards His people. True purpose is revealed in your pursuit of God, not in your plans and procedures. The truth is that I can live my whole life accomplishing everything on my list of goals but still not have fulfilled my God-given purpose. True success to a believer is obedience in all things.

For a follower of Christ, our purpose is simple. I know a lot of us think of what career we will do as being our purpose, but that's not totally it. We may accomplish our purpose through our career but that in and of itself is not our purpose. Our purpose is to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus tasked His disciples with the Great Commission (Matthew 29:18). That is our purpose here on earth whether we're a doctor, lawyer, bus driver, or janitor. Our purpose is to take the gospel out into the world. So what actions can you take or what can you do on your job to share the gospel. Maybe if you're a nurse you can pray over a person or invite them to Jesus when they're on their death bed. If you own your own business, post scriptures throughout the building. Nothing should stop us from finding out how to fulfill our purpose on spreading the gospel.

Religion VS. Relationship

       At the start of my Christian walk I probably began like a lot of Christians. It was mostly about what I wanted God to give me. For a while this was fine, this is where most of us start, but I began to want more. As I grew closer to God through reading His Word, I began to see how selfish I was. If I claim to love God, I can’t expect from Him without doing in return. This is like any relationship. No one wants to do all the giving an get nothing in return. We come to God with our list of desires and dreams or problems and we want Him to just fix everything. But eventually the time comes for us to grow and mature.

     On of my favorite verses is Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This verse tells us to seek God (righteousness) then He will bless us. It isn’t the other way around. Don’t expect Him to give if you aren’t looking to obey. Seek is a strong word. It means “to crave, pursue, to make sacrifices to get, to go after with all of your heart.” Seeking means to go after a relationship with Him as if it were everything. Our relationship with God is really what matters most. But sometimes it takes time for us to understand that. I remember a time in my life that I really had all the things I wanted, but I still wasn’t really happy. I prayed and spoke to God. I felt God say to me, “Demanuel I want you to really know me.” It’s left up to us to seek God. God is so good that He won’t force us to do anything. Since the beginning of time He gave us free will. Depending on who you are that can be good or bad. Free will could mean you could go your whole life living as you want and never develop a relationship with God. Seeking God for ourselves is left up to us.

     Romans 14:17 says, “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,”. God isn’t look to bless me solely with material things. Faith in God isn’t just about prosperity. We’re here to be a blessing to others. Faith means that we trust in God’s will for our life, and His will for our life is obedience to His Word. God is more concerned with our hearts. I had a complete list of things that I wanted, but none of those things pertained to my heart. God wants to take care of every aspect of our life, but He’s most concerned with what’s inside of us versus the outside. If we are spiritually strong on the inside, then we will be able to handle the things on the outside. When we focus more on God than ourselves, we not only have a greater sense of fulfillment, but our desires come in alignment with His plan and what’s best for our lives. Psalm 37:4 assures us of this: “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

     To grow closer to God we have to really desire a deep connection with Him. Isaiah 37:31 tells us, “Once more a remnant of the kingdom of Judah will take root below and bear fruit above.” Have you ever tried to dig up a tree? You will notice that the roots spread wide across the ground and are deep within the soil. Without the roots being like this, a tree could never weather a storm. We must develop deep spiritual roots with God to live the life He intended for us. This means having a relationship with God, finding out what His will is for us in His Word, and becoming rooted and grounded in His love. We must learn to seek Him first, rather than things. So many times we go about it the opposite way and seek “things” first - a bigger this or a better that or more of the other. But if we don’t have a strong foundation in God, none of these things will be beneficial to us. Wee must establish deep roots of faith in God to endure the storms of life that will definitely come. I think my time in the military was one of the best moments of my life as far as my relationship with God goes. I joined immediately after high school, so I didn’t have the pressure that most college students have. I was either alone most of the time or around older people and away from home. This was very uncomfortable to me, but it allowed me to grow a lot because I spent a lot of time praying and talking to God. I had my list of plans for my life, but I am thankful God gave me a willing heart to submit my plans to Him. This didn’t happen immediately. In fact it took a few years. This taught me a lot about patience. We want God to answer us right away but He doesn’t work like that. Another thing to consider is that sometimes answers to prayers aren’t recognized because we are too intent on waiting confirmation of our own desires. We fail to see that the Lord wants us to do something else. Be careful to seek HIS WILL.

     When you spend daily time with God and fellowship with other believers, so many things will be revealed to you and your spiritual relationship will grow. I encourage everyone to seek a relationship with Christ.

     We have looked at what a relationship with Christ is like and now we will look at what it means to be religious. 2 Timothy 3:5 tells us about this type of person: “having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” This is a religious person. This verse tells us that they have a form of godliness but deny its power. A religious person is someone who goes to church every Sunday, may quote scriptures here and there, use Christian cliches, but have a life that doesn’t reflect that of a Christ follower. This may make them look good on the outside, but it’s all meaningless if their heart isn’t conditioned to love and reverence God. Religion is a mere shell. It’s simply a system of faith and worship, but there’s no real connection to God and the person if a system is simply being followed. A religious person is missing the key ingredient needed to know God. They don’t “seek” to know God. If God isn’t in that person’s heart and causing them to love, then the religion is a waste of time. God wants us to seek His face.

    I encourage you to be intentional in pursuing and seeking God for who He is and make your relationship with Him a priority. Dig deeper and believe what you discover. Know God’s Word, study it, learn it, and fill your mind with it. Back to Matthew 6:33, this is a great scripture to live by. I know from experience that when you put God first, He will fill your life with peace, joy, and satisfaction…and then some.

Brain Drain

In the summer of 2013, I took a management course as a part of the curriculum for my construction engineering degree. This was a very interesting course to me, but one thing really stuck out to me about this class.  My teacher introduced the class to the term “brain drain.” Brain drain is the departure of educated or professional people from one country, economic sector, or field for another usually for better pay or living conditions. This is why many of us pursue a college degree. We go to school in hopes of getting a job so that we can leave home and move to a place that offers everything that our hometown didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, this is our right, and I see nothing wrong with that. That was at one point my dream. But this term brain drain really got me to thinking. If all of the educated people leave, what will happen to the future generations in those communities? Who will give them hope of a brighter future? As I mentioned in an earlier blog I changed my major to elementary education after a lot of prayer. This was something that was very dear to my heart. Being that I’m from MS, considered one of the poorest and most uneducated states in the U.S., I wanted to have an impact on turning that around. After all, that is what life is about. We are here to be a blessing to others. So many people choose a place to stay based on how it will benefit them, not how they can be a blessing to others. Christians are to be a source of hope, and there’s no way we can bring hope if we run from every opportunity to make a difference. A verse that was revealed to me after I began to think about this is Isaiah 61:4, “And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.” This is a charge given to all believers. When I think of old ruins, I think of something that was once great. Maybe once upon a time your city was flourishing with excitement and potential, but somehow things came crashing down. but there's no reason that you can’t help return it to it’s former glory. We can choose to keep walking or we can choose to restore. It’s a chance for us to bring healing to others. To raise up former desolations means to give hope to what was once hopeless. Repair the broken communities by using your education and knowledge to influence those in broken cities. We have the power to be the change in the world. This may not touch everyone the same, but I hope that some will be touched to think about this. God’s greatest commandment is in Matthew 22:35-40. We are to love God and love others. Nothing done in love says to receive. It’s all about giving.
I think about the life of King Solomon. King Solomon was the richest man in the world. He had all the money, women, houses, and jewelry that anyone could dream of. His possessions were plenty, but at the end of his life he said that all of these things were “vantiy and vexation of spirit.” It was all emptiness and troubling of his spirit. What we can learn from this is that seeking the be the richest or have the best possessions may be a worthless pursuit. It won’t mean a thing in the end. Money won’t mean much of anything if it isn’t being used towards a good purpose. Instead focus on something else. I’m a firm believer that God will supply all of my NEEDS (Philippians 4:19). So if helping build up old ruins means I have to drive a Toyota instead of a Lexus, my need for transportation is being met. If it means I have to wear the same shoes for two years, still my need for clothing is being met. If I have to eat chicken instead of steak, God still met my need for food. So if I have to sacrifice having the luxuries of life I will do so if it provides me with the opportunity to restore old ruins. Life is but a vapor, “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away(James 4:14).” It is over before you know it, and I plan to spend mine making a difference in the world rather than chasing things that really won’t matter in the end. Let us all have the heart to to restore old ruins. When a group of educated people come together we have the chance to make a difference in the lives of others. May God guide you to be that difference.

The Greatest Commandment

            

     I find it strange how we’re never quite taught how to do one of the greatest things that we can ever do on earth. Somehow our parents assume we will learn on our own. It’s expected to come natural, as easy as walking and talking. But it doesn’t come quite that natural. It takes dying to learn how to do it. It takes constantly seeking His will. This supernatural thing that I’m referring to is LOVE.

     According to the American Psychological Association, the divorce rate in America sits at 40 to 50 percent. Marriage is an institution built on love, but why are they failing at such a large rate? Is love that disposable? Well love isn’t, but lust is. People condition themselves to give false in dating relationships. We fall in “love” with one another until someone makes the other person mad or cheats, then those feelings of love are gone. I would definitely say not to put up with cheating in a dating relationship, but many of the reasons that people break up for while dating are for terrible reasons. We use the stage of life that should help prepare us for marriage, but sometimes actually serves as a detriment to our development. The world’s definition of love is so shallow only because we don’t follow the correct example. We spend 12+ of our years in life learning so many skills to help us prepare for life, but how much time do we spend learning about love. On their wedding day, the beautiful bride walks down the aisle look as beautiful as she could ever look in her white dress. Her groom anxiously awaits her so that he can take her away. These two lovers announce their vows to one another, confessing their undying love for each other. Then 5-6 years later the love wilts and the marriage is dissolved. Is love really this conditional, this temporary? For some people I wonder how do they throw those vows away so easily. Or did they ever really know what true love was.

     I bet I could ask 10 different people what love is and get 10 different answers. But love has one source. That one source is God. I know most of us can remember our first “love”. We thought that were so madly in love and that the romance would last forever. Those were the intentions until someone stopped putting in the effort. They fell out of love. This is the first misconception we have about love. It’s not something that you fall into, you grow into love. Most of the reasons for failed love is due to a weak relationship with God on the behalf of someone. We don’t love Him enough, so how can we ever love the other person?

     

     People are naturally born as selfish individuals. We want what we want and don’t care how it affects others. As a child our parents have to break us from this behavior, but they can’t take all of the selfishness out of us. That’s where we have to play our part and seek God. All cases of failed love boil down to one thing. They are due to selfishness. A person cheats because they let their sexual desires get the best of them, a spouse is abusive because they are controlled by anger, a spouse sends all of the couple’s money because they are looking at how the things bought will make them feel. Couples fail to communicate or have unmet expectations. No matter what the reason may be it ultimately boils down to selfishness. The only way we can combat this is through God.

     I know by now you’re probably tired of me saying God is the answer with no explanation, so wait no more! Let me explain. To know what love is we have to plug into the source. We have to learn about love through studying God’s Word. God said, “If you love me, keep my commands” ~ John 14:15. That’s the first step to losing all selfishness. In order to love God we have to put our own desires aside. Turn to John 3: 30-35. We must seek God’s will for guidance and allow Him to work on us. Growing in love with God isn’t easy, but it is the only way that we can have meaningful relationships. In doing this we won’t do what we think is best for others, but what we know is best. I look at one of the most powerful verses in the Bible to me, which seems to sum up the entire book to me. ³⁷ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.³⁸ This is the first and great commandment.³⁹ And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets ~ Matthew 22:37-40. That is pretty much the entirety of our relationship with Christ. We must love in order to open ourselves up to be willing to obey the commands that Christ has for us. Without it we will only seek to gratify ourselves. This commitment must be firm and everlasting. I know nearly everyone is familiar with John 3:16, but do we realize how much love is shown in this verse:

¹⁶ For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

     In church one Sunday, so much was revealed to me about this verse. When you dissect it, you will begin to see an extraordinary example of what it is to love. The first thing I notice is that God sacrificed His only son, not someone else’s son or only one of His sons. This was his only one. When you have only one of something you cherish it, you never want to let it go. God did the exact opposite of what is natural and showed us selflessness. No one took Jesus. God did it willingly. Then I look at who he gave His son up for. He gave him up for whosoever believes in Him, so He gave his son up for a bunch of people He knew would need Him for everlasting life. This is the only way that we could receive everlasting life, so this tells us that love will do whatever it takes no matter what the cost! Another thing I look at from this verse is there is no way to repay someone for losing a child. God created this world and everything in it, so what could we ever offer Him that He can’t get himself. You’re right, nothing! God loves us knowing that there is truly nothing we can do to repay him or equal His sacrifice. Love doesn’t seek a reward. God gave up His son so that we may have a chance at eternal life. Jesus chose to die for us. He looked at our hearts, our actions, and saw us as sick, needy, weak, sinful, blind, lost. So when your spouse is being unlovable that’s when you should be the most lovable towards them. Look at Matthew 5:46: ”For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?”. Anyone can love someone when things are going good, but how do you react when someone is hurtful towards you? That’s the real sign of love. We have come to know love as this euphoric feeling that comes only when a person is pleasant. We have to have a deeper knowledge of love than that. Then we come to the famous 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I think most of us try to sum up love with this one passage, but as evidenced by the scriptures above that can’t be done. As a matter of fact it would be impossible for me to write all the scriptures pertaining to love in this short blog. The whole Bible, our whole relationship with God is built on the principle of love. 1 John 5:3 tells us to keep His commands. They won’t kill us or hurt us. They are here for our protection. We obey God out of love, not fear or to get a reward. John 13: 34-35 tells us to love one another as Jesus loved us. This doesn’t only relate to a married couple, but this should be how we treat everyone. This doesn’t only relate to a married couple, but this should be how we treat everyone. We should help when it’s not a favorable situation for us, give when it hurts, and do what’s right for the benefit of others. Just imagine if everyone was this selfless. Friendships and relationships would last forever. Nothing can go wrong when people always are expressing these qualities towards one another.

     

     Before I end, I want to go back to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. To truly love in this way we have to grow in our relationship with God. Love is the greatest of all human qualities, and we can only get it from God (1 John 4:8). It involves unselfish service to other; to show it gives evidence that you care. Love is an action and a choice, not simply a feeling. Only God can help us set aside our own desires and instincts so we can love naturally and freely. I wish that all married couples would meditate on verse 8 daily. LOVE NEVER FAILS. God’s love for us won’t fail and our love for others shouldn’t neither. To end this message, I hope that this touches someone’s life. It truly breaks my heart to see couples who have spent years together separate. You not only hurt yourselves. Most of the time children are hurt and you hurt the community as well. The negative image that divorce and failed love portrays hurts those who have hope in love. If a person is immature about love, they will view these examples as the norm for how love should be. So build your marriage or dating relationship on Christ. 1 Corinthians 3:11 gives us this:

¹¹ For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

1. I hope you gained these key points from this post:
2. Love is a sacrifice.
3.  Love wants the best for you.
4.  Love is giving.
5.  Love is a choice.
6.  We can only come to truly love by growing closer to Jesus.
7.  Love is selfless.
8. Love doesn’t fade in bad times.
9.  Love is God’s greatest command for us.
10.  Love never fails.

Seeking Wisdom

Proverbs 12:15

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.

Proverbs 11:14

Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

I look at this picture and I see a young boy looking to his father for guidance. Why do some of us lose this concept as we grow older? There's so much about wisdom in the book of Proverbs. I felt these were very important scriptures to share. With myself and so many of my peers graduating college looking to find our direction in life, we need to keep these verses in mind. We all can recall a time when we were teenagers and thought we knew what was best. Our parents didn't know what we were going through. They'd never understand. How could we be so foolish! I hear young adults everyday feel like they have to live a trial and error life. God gave us a blueprint for life. All we have to do is humble ourselves to accept it. I'm so glad that I've  usually been one to heed directions and take advice from elders. We feel that being a teenager or young adult and not knowing any better, it's okay to make mistakes. Some mistakes are inevitable, but so many can be avoided if we humble ourselves and seek wise counsel. We neglect God's Word on making wise decisions. God gave us parents and grandparents for a reason. You never get too old for your parents' advice. No wise parent will throw their child to the wolves as soon as they turn 18 or give them bad advice. We feel like older people can't relate to our situation, but Ecclesiastes 1:9 tells us that there is "nothing new under the sun." To say there is nothing new under the sun does not ignore inventions or advances in technology; rather, these innovations do not amount to any basic change in the world. In Solomon’s time, many advances took place in society, but, from the larger perspective of life, human nature has remained and always will remain the same.

Since there is nothing new under the sun they can relate to whatever we may be going through. Your situation isn't too far-fetched to get help from a parent, relative, or other wise individual. 

Most mistakes can be avoided if we slow down and stop thinking we have to do things on our own. Every generation shouldn't make the same mistakes. So as we go out into the world, listen and learn from older WISER people when it comes to aspects pertaining to finances, your career, family, and growing spiritually. Life is hard enough without adding the extra stress of thinking you have to go through it alone. Remember God didn't leave an area of your life uncovered in the Bible. He set us up for success. All we have to do is seek Him and be willing to obey. 

The explanation of Proverbs 11:14 in my Study Bible reads: a good leader needs and uses wise counsellors. One person's perspective and understanding is severely limited; he or she may not have all the facts or my be blinded by bias, emotions, or wrong impressions. To be a wise leader at home, church, or at work, seek the counsel of others and be one to their advice. Then after considering all the facts, make your decision. 

Wait for the Ring

One of the biggest challenges in today's society is abstaining from sex, but it is possible. Unfortunately, I'm not a virgin but I have been celibate every since my first sexual partner. Sex is such a big thing that is often taken so lightly. It not only affects you physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We often abuse sex and not use it the way that God intended it to be used. Sex outside of marriage always hurts someone. It may be one of the two people, but ultimately it hurts God. If I can be transparent, the times that I had sex meant a lot to me. I saw it as a way to bond, but that true bond couldn't be achieved outside of marriage. I had so many regrets about it when my girlfriend broke up with me. I was giving a very special part of myself away. Sex is as much spiritual as it is physical.

In our society it is considered acceptable to have had a number of sexual partners before marriage. This way of thinking is also prevalent within the church, in which case they are called "mistakes", forgiven as easily as telling a white lie. But in the Bible losing your virginity is far more serious than a simple mistake like telling a lie. How do we think Adam and Eve were married? There was no priest to do a ceremony and say "I now pronounce you man and wife" and sign a piece of paper. They became married by the first act of intercourse!

Here is the point: a person is married in God's eyes to the person they first have sex with. The bible teaches that the two become one flesh. Blood seals covenants, and the flow of blood seals the marriage covenant with that person for life. As Jesus taught, God joins two people together through the act of intercourse (Not when a priest says " I now pronounce you husband and wife" in a marriage ceremony!):

Mar 10:8 And the two of them shall be one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Mar 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart.

Why is this an issue? Because any subsequent sexual partners (whether you legally marry them or not) are in reality committing adultery as you are already married to your first sexual partner in God's eyes. The bible teaches that if a man has sex with a virgin he is obligated to marry her and not divorce her for the rest of his life, whether he or she likes it or not (see scriptures below).


Exo 22:16 "If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, he must pay the bride price for her and marry her.

Deu 22:28 If a man finds a girl, a virgin not engaged, and lays hold on her, and lies with her, and they are found,


Deu 22:29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl's father fifty shekelsof silver, and she shall be his wife. Because he has humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

Paul also stressed the importance of marrying a virgin:

1Co 7:36 But if anyone thinks it behaving himself indecently toward his virgin (if she is past her prime, and so it ought to be) let him do what he will; he does not sin; let them marry. 
and also taught that you become one flesh with the person you sleep with, even if it is a prostitute:

1Co 6:16 Or do you not know that he being joined to a harlot is one body? For He says, The two shall be one flesh.

Be warned - in the bible there is no difference whether the first time 'meant anything ' or not, whether it was a moment of weakness or planned intent, and there is no difference between whether it's done with a prostitute or a stranger or someone you are deeply in love with - the person you first have sex with, you are married to! But I'll get back to this later...

Now why is it important for a Christian man or woman to seek a virgin husband or wife? :

The bible says that temple priests were not allowed to marry non-virgins:

Lev 21:7 They shall not take a wife who is a whore, or defiled. Neither shall they take a woman put away from her husband. For he is holy to his God.

Eze 44:22 Nor shall they take for their wives a widow nor her who is put away. But they shall take virgins of the seed of the house of Israel, or a widow who had a priest before.

And because Christians are priests in the service of God the same applies to christians:
Rev 1:6 and made us kings and priests to God and His Father, to Him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

But how to escape this life-long marriage to your first sexual partner?

Simply, you must die, because the only way in which the marriage covenant is broken is through death:

Rom 7:2 For the married woman was bound by law to the living husband. But if the husband is dead, she is set free from the law of her husband.

To die, you must come to Christ and be cleansed and reborn as a new creature through baptism and you re-gain your virginity, in Christ (see Romans 6),

Col 3:3 For you died, and your life has been hidden with Christ in God.

You die, you are re-born, you are made alive again, you are given new life, and so you are unmarried from your first sexual partner through death, and a chaste virgin to be married to Christ! : 

Rom 7:4 So, my brothers, you also have become dead to the law by the body of Christ so that you should be married to Another, even to Him raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit to God.

And because you will be married to Christ, you are a virgin again and a completely new unmarried person:

2Co 11:2 For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present youas a chaste virgin to Christ.

2Co 5:17 So that if any one is in Christ, that one is a new creature; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 

This post isn't to condemn anyone, because we all have done wrong. But I do hope that it encourages you to stop having sex if you are engaging in it. It is hard to remain celibate especially on college campuses and with friends pressuring you, but I hope that this gives someone the encouragement to know that they're not alone. We understand that it is very hard to find someone who is a virgin, but we should look for someone who has a strong relationship with Christ and has repented from all of their sexual sin. Waiting until after marriage is so worth it. You're not missing anything by engaging in sex before: heartbreak, STDs, pregnancy. It's NOT worth it. Being able to give your spouse a gift that no one or only a few have had and being able to honor God have to be some of the most rewarding feelings ever. Wait, you're worth so much more!!