Things to consider.........

Why do we take pride in being independent? 

Women take pride in not needing a man, we want to start a business by ourselves, we celebrate not having to ask anyone else for help. I can remember wanting to work on projects in school by myself. I knew that I could count on myself to get work done on time and correctly.  It’s something that I still struggle with today. Some of it is because I don’t trust some people and some of it is because I just find it easier to do things alone. We definitely should have some level of independence to ourselves, but it shouldn’t be the norm. God didn’t make us to be all alone. In the beginning He said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Solomon spoke on how two are better than one. We’re the only creation that God made with a need for intimacy. We all have a desire to be known and understood. This companionship isn’t just limited to marriage, but friendships and all other relationships. Friends look out for us, help us when we’re weak, impart wisdom on us, hold us accountable, help us fulfill God’s commandment of love, and provide so many great benefits. The world sees isolation as a negative thing, but most of the time we see independence as a positive thing. If you commit a crime you go to jail and are separated from the general population. Solitary confinement is used as a form of punishment beyond incarceration to keep a prisoner from hurting themselves or someone else. Many of us are becoming prisoners on the outside. We cut everyone off and prefer to work alone, never relying on anyone for help and never being willing to help others. It’s impossible to go throughout life without getting hurt, but we can’t let that stop us from living and interacting with others. Do we prefer independence because it gives us bragging rights, we can say we did it on our own and get all the credit? Or do we think that's the way it's meant to be. It’s not good for us to be alone. After all, Michael Jordan didn’t win six championships by himself.



How can we become good spouses and have lasting marriages if we don’t go to school?

If I wanted to be a doctor or lawyer I would do all I could to prepare myself. I'd take all the high school science courses and try to do intern/job shadow people in the profession. I’d take the LSAT/MCAT then research the best schools to attend in order to pursue the required degree. I’d talk to doctors and nurses and ask them for information. I wouldn’t just say, “I want to be a lawyer and I’m just gonna figure it out as I go along”. How successful are we likely to be with that approach? We probably wouldn’t win many cases. There would probably be a lot of surgeries that go wrong? I feel like we approach relationships in this way though. It’s true that we can only learn some things from experience, but a lot of the things that we deal with in relationships can be made simpler by willing to be taught. In dating we don’t ask questions or want to listen to advice. Although there’s no formal school or degree for marriage, there is a way to learn how to be married before getting married. We don’t fail multiple classes on our way to getting our degree and just feel okay with it, but the way we date we think it’s normal to just have multiple failed relationships. When you see you’re struggling in a class you get tutoring, talk to the instructor, or get some other means of help. Do we do this in relationships? Even with all those steps you may still fail that class so it’s understandable if you have a few failed relationships, but I think many times we don’t seek help first. Treat relationships like school. Too many failures will ruin our GPA.

Marriage is one of the most serious things that you can do. We go to school for a career that we’ll only do 20-30 years of our life, but we don’t seek guidance or counseling for a job that’s supposed to last for the rest of our life. There’s books on marriage and seminars you can attend. Although we should use discernment on which ones to read and learn from, they’re very beneficial. We learn from observation and guidance. A man should learn how to be a husband and father from his father. A woman should learn how to be a wife and mother from her mother. But with the way the world is today, how many boys get to see a man leading his family? With no father in the home how many girls get to see their mother submit to their father and their father handling things that a man is meant to? Even some homes with both parents don’t get to see a great example of this? Out of all the things that my father taught me growing up, I can’t recall him ever teaching me about dating/courting. We’re left to “figure it out” on our own. Do parents not know how to teach it or do they just neglect to? Why don’t all pastors make premarital counseling a requirement for marriage? Isn’t marriage more important than a career? We’re not left to “figure out” our careers, so why would we treat marriage and relationships that way? Have you ever stop to thinking about your views on dating/relationships and why you feel the way you do towards it? I strongly believe that God prepares us for whatever He blesses us with.


Why is modern dating so different from biblical dating? 

This question goes hand in hand with the previous question. First, we have to define what dating is. Dating is meant to lead to marriage, and I believe much of the dysfunction in relationships is due to people not having that as the goal. The goal of dating should be to decide if you want to marry that person. If you decide you do want to get married, stop dating, get engaged, and get married. If you decide you do not want to marry that person, you have accomplished that goal and you should breakup. Dating should only continue when you are still unsure one way or the other. But the way in which we date today is more about just having a good time, then we can decide later if we want to get married. The system today’s young men and women have inherited for finding and marrying a future spouse leaves a lot to be desired. We don’t like anyone to know who we’re dating which keeps us from being held accountable. We don’t introduce them to family right off until we know that it’s “sure”, but our family is supposed to help us in the decision making of that. I can understand the reasoning behind the way we do things but that doesn’t justify it. It’s like saying we don’t trust God’s way by coming up with our own rules. As Christians we’re called to be set apart from the world, so does the way we date let others know that I’m Christian or that I’m fitting in with the world. We hear a lot about being celibate when it comes to dating, but biblical dating is so much more than just practicing celibacy. When it comes to dating and relationships, perhaps more than in any other area of the everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world. That truth has brought immeasurable emotional pain and other consequences to many Christians. Worse, it has brought great dishonor to the name of Christ and to the witness of individuals and the church. It doesn’t have to be this way. For Christians, the Lord has given us His Word, and the Holy Spirit helps us to understand it. We have brothers and sisters in Christ to hold us accountable and to help us apply the Word to our lives. If you’re a Christian, that’s the biblical life you’re called to. Many will argue that the Bible doesn’t give us instructions on how to date, but that’s not true. God cares so much about us and every area of our life, so why would He leave out such critical information on the process of finding our spouse. The theological doctrine sufficiency of Scripture simply holds that the Bible is sufficient to guide and instruct us authoritatively in all areas of our faith and life, and that there is no area of life about which the Bible has no guidance for us. The sufficiency of Scripture is taught explicitly and implicitly in many passages, but perhaps the most obvious is 2 Timothy 3:16-17:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

The Bible speaks to every area of our faith and life at some level. Some things it talks about explicitly, like salvation or sanctification or marriage or elders. The Bible guides us in some areas by broader, more general principles and ideas we can build on as we strive to live the Christian life in practical ways. In either case, no area of life falls totally outside of the guidance and authority of God’s Word. My point is that we cannot simply state that the Bible “doesn’t mention dating or courtship,” and then think we’re off the hook to pursue this area of our lives either on the world’s terms or however seems best to us without diligent, submissive reference to God’s Word. If the doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture is true, then God’s Word does have authoritative guidance for us about how we might best glorify God in this area of our lives. That means our conversation has to be a biblical conversation.

So what is biblical dating? It can be defined as a method of introduction and carrying out of a pre-marital relationship between a single man and a single woman:

1. That begins (maybe) with the man approaching and going through the woman’s father or family;
2. that is conducted under the authority of the woman’s father or family or church; and
3. that always has marriage (or at least a determination regarding marriage to a specific person) as its direct goal.

The Scriptural support for the idea of biblical dating is largely by example and implication.

Modern dating basically has the same basic definition but looks differently when viewed closer.

1. that begins with either the man or the woman initiating with the other;
2. that is conducted outside the formal oversight or authority of either person’s family or church; and
3. that may or may not have marriage as its goal and is often purely “recreational” or “educational.”

There’s no biblical support to this way of dating. The very idea of extended romantic or sexual involvement outside of marriage doesn’t even appear in Scripture unless it is described as illicit (sinful). Furthermore, it doesn’t even appear in any society, western or otherwise, in any systematic way until the 20th century. While the principles supporting biblical dating have their beginnings with the very structure of the family, modern dating has its origins with the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It is brand new, and yet, seemingly, it is all we know.

We can look at so many differences between modern dating and biblical dating. Modern dating philosophy assumes that there will be several intimate romantic relationships in a person’s life before marriage. In fact, it advocates “playing the field” in order to determine “what one wants” in a mate. Biblical dating has as its goal to be emotionally and physically intimate with only one member of the opposite sex: your spouse. Modern dating tends to be egalitarian (no differences between men and women in spiritual or emotional “wiring” or God-given roles). Biblical dating tends to be complementarian (God has created men and women differently and has ordained each of these spiritual equals to play different and valuable roles in the church and in the family). Modern dating tends to assume that you will spend a great deal of time together (most of it alone). Biblical dating tends to encourage time spent in group activities or with other people the couple knows well. Modern dating tends to assume that you need to get to know a person more deeply than anyone else in the world to figure out whether you should be with him or her. The biblical approach suggests that real commitment to the other person should precede such a high level of intimacy. Modern dating tends to assume that a good relationship will “meet all my needs and desires,” and a bad one won’t — it’s essentially a self-centered approach. Biblical dating approaches relationships from a completely different perspective — one of ministry and service and bringing glory to God. Modern dating tends to assume that there will be a high level of emotional involvement in a dating relationship, and some level of physical involvement as well. Biblical dating assumes no physical intimacy and more limited emotional intimacy outside of marriage. Modern dating assumes that what I do and who I date as an adult is entirely up to me and is private (my family or the church has no formal or practical authority). Biblical dating assumes a context of spiritual accountability, as is true in every other area of the Christian life.

I’m confident that many of you will disagree with some of my statements. Ask yourself why. I have a particular challenge for those of you whose main objection is that the practical details “are not explicitly biblical”: think about the details of how you conduct (or would like to conduct) your dating life. Can you find explicit support for the modern approach in Scripture? Are there even broad principles in Scripture that justify the modern vision of dating (or yours, whatever it may be)? The Bible simply doesn’t give us explicit instructions on some things. Fair enough. In such a situation, we should ask what gets us closest to clear biblical teaching. In other words, within the many gray areas here, what conduct in our dating lives will help us to best care for our brothers and sisters in Christ and bring honor to His name?

That’s it. That’s a basic framework for biblical dating as best I can discern it from the principles of God’s Word. Now, you’re on. No question is too broad or too specific, too theoretical, too theological, or too practical. Agree with what I’ve said, or challenge it. This is how iron sharpens iron.

Why do people avoid change?

“Failure or no change in your character could be an indication of lack of time spent with God.” Why should a 50 year old man still think it’s cool to spend every weekend out with his boys when he has a wife and kids at home? Why would a 35 year old woman find no problem spending 200-300 a week on hair and makeup? I had a conversation with one of my friends about hanging out 5-10 years from now. I told him that we probably won’t be hanging out as much especially if I’m married. My priorities will be different and so will my behavior. My family will come first. It’s not that our friendship will change, but my priorities will be different. A married person can’t do what a single person does. A CEO can’t do what an entry level worker does. Priorities promote change. Maturing promotes change. There’s nothing wrong with those things, but the older you get and more you priorities change the more your mind should value some things less. Our inner being should constantly be changing. Growth is a life long process. We may stop growing physically in our early 20s but we should never stop growing spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

How can we progress in life if we fear change? If I’m on a job where I don’t mind being late or not taking my responsibilities seriously, how can I expect to be promoted? Are we even equipping ourselves and trying to grow? I hear a lot of people talking about not getting in a relationship with someone who wants to change you, but I disagree. Relationships, especially intimate relationships should encourage you to change. They’re like mirrors, sometimes the person you’re with can see things in you that you don’t even see in yourself. Consider it is what they’re saying before you tune them out. We should all want to change because none of us are perfect and others are meant to help us grow. You don’t have to change certain things about yourself, but if you’re content with being just the way you are 10, 20, 30 years from now then you’re a stagnant person, and that’s not great. Ask yourself what changes can be made to bring you closer to God, loving others, and developing your character. Those are changes that you should never be reluctant to make.

Why don’t more couples want to be relationship goals? 

We aspire to be role models in our careers but not in friendships, marriages, etc. If no one else sees your relationship as goals, at the least your family should. Your children should learn about marriage from your example. Divorcees in your family should learn what they can do if they remarry. You should strive to break generational curses with your example. I believe that a lot of people shy away from wanting to have others look at their relationship as a model is due to the possibility that it may fail, but we fail at jobs, degrees, and many other things but that doesn’t stop us from being role models in those areas. People can learn from your failures too. Be transparent. Tell people that marriage isn’t all peaches and cream, but in the end it’s all worth it. Reversing 20-30 years of selfishness shouldn’t be easy but it’s possible and very rewarding. Marriage is an everyday exercise in repentance and forgiveness. There’s no way to be the perfect spouse; I am a sinner and my sin will hurt those around me. Yet in our imperfection, we can consistently point to a perfect Savior. The willingness to do that — to die to our pride that another may be glorified — shows in a real way that we grasp the goodness and power of the gospel. I have to admit that I look up to married couples for inspiration, and I've talked with other men who do as well. It’s easy to get discouraged while dating/courting after seeing all these couples breaking up and getting divorced. I know it may be putting pressure on married couples, but you should want to be the example for single people. You made those vows and you should strive to honor them. It breaks my heart that a lot of marriages give bad examples. I know we all love the good times in relationships, but teach us how to deal with the bad times. Show us that you two relied on God to make your union last. Can you show us that love is everything that God says that it is?

The Blame Game

Many times we apply “God told me” to intimate relationships, but not friends, work, and many other things in our life. Why doesn’t God tell you to quit your job when your boss tells you to do something immoral or a friend does something to upset you? God doesn’t just talk to us about boyfriend/girlfriends, but every relationship and everything that we’re involved in. Either we ignore God’s voice in these situations or we deal with it because we value them. I’m not saying that God doesn’t tell us to break up with someone but I do believe that we have to take responsibility for our part and own our choices. When God leads us to make decisions in life, those choices are not devoid of wisdom and practicality too. Why is God leading you to breakup? Are you not attracted to her? Is he not mature enough to lead you? Are you headed in two different directions in life? Do you just want to enjoy college without worrying about a relationship? Those reasons are fine, but be authentic.We can’t make the other person just look like a demon, because God loves and cares for them the same way He does for you, even if they aren’t Christian.

We’re all gonna sin in some way in a relationship: anger, selfishness, lust, pride, etc. We tend to only think of the “big” sins when it comes to God telling us not to do something, like fornication, cheating, drinking, abusiveness or drug use, but those little sins are just as important to avoid. In a lot of relationships, one person will say the other person was leading them to sexual sin or drug use, but ignore their own sins just because they weren't as big. No matter how hard we try we will continue to sin throughout life. The person we marry will be a sinner. So to say that God said not to be with a person because they sin seems poorly stated. Do you quit a job every time a boss wrongs you or cut your friends off when they wrong you? I believe that it’s more about the what specific sin is, the person’s heart towards sin, and their willingness to fight it. I think about when Jesus spoke to the adulterous woman in John 8. In verse 11, Jesus told her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” Jesus didn’t condemn the woman because of her adultery, but He didn’t ignore or condone her sin. He told her to leave her life of sin. Jesus is ready to forgive any sin in our life, but confession and repentance means a change of heart. With God’s help we can accept Christ’s forgiveness and stop our wrongdoing. God will forgive us and we will fall short still, but our sin shouldn’t be intentional and shouldn’t be the same sins that we already asked forgiveness for.

A guy at a conference that I attended talked about how he and his wife’s relationship developed. They started dating in high school and they engaged in sex during their relationship, but in college his girlfriend’s relationship with Christ began to grow and she told him that she was going to be celibate. She gave him an ultimatum and told him for their relationship to continue that they would have to follow God’s will. He mentioned that she was farther along in her relationship with Christ, but eventually he caught up to her. Could she have ended the relationship? Yes, but I believe that God is just as pleased that they worked things out. Because he saw VALUE in her, his heart changed. So often we refuse to forgive people and give them second chances, but we forget that God forgives us daily and doesn’t give up on us. One of the most overlooked teachings in the Christian community is showing grace and mercy to others the same way that God shows us.

God didn’t tell Adam and Eve not to be together because of their sin and I don’t think He wants people to end relationships because of sin these days. Reconciliation is always the first option, especially if sex was involved. As mentioned above, we have to show grace but it would be unwise to remain in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have a repentant heart. I believe that not trying to make a relationship work after sex is involved downplays the sacredness of sex and marriage. Sex was created to be more than casual. This is ideal, but I’m also realistic. I understand that not every situation will have TWO people who want to fix things. So this is for people who do. It’s not about how you start but how you finish.

When we say that God told us to break up I feel like we’re not taking responsibility for our part in the relationship. Adam blamed Eve when God asked him about eating the fruit. He didn’t take responsibility for his role in things. Eve may have caused him to sin, but he caused her to as well by not being the leader that he was supposed to be. She would've never gotten the fruit if he was leading how as he was instructed to. Most times especially if we’ve been in a relationship for a significant amount of time, we both will sin and hurt each other. If you have sex with someone both of you are sinning. Unless you were raped or forced (God forbid), both of you CHOSE to engage in that. It’s unfair to say that this person is taking me away from God because they’re causing me to sin, because you’re taking them away from God’s will as well. When we look at it that way it causes us to humble ourselves and not cast blame so quickly. The failure to see our own sin makes us withhold forgiveness from others. That’s something that God got me to realize. God not only cares for me but the other person as well, and if I can’t help them (grow in Christ with them) I shouldn’t hurt them (sin with them), then blame everything on them..

With that said, the first and most obvious reason a Christian dating couple should breakup is if their continued relationship will lead to more sin rather than more glory to God. The main motivation for a Christian marriage is not companionship, financial stability, sex, or anything like that. Those are good benefits that should be enjoyed, but the main purpose of marriage is to glorify God. Therefore if a dating relationship is working against this goal rather than helping you accomplish your true purpose, you should break up. For example, if you are repeatedly failing to sexual temptation in the relationship but you do not want to move into marriage with this person, then the biblical solution is to break up. To remain in that season of intense temptation by not moving towards marriage or not breaking up is to miss the mark of true biblical repentance. You might feel sorry for continuing to struggle with sexual sin in the dating relationship, but if you are not taking practical steps to change your behavior you are not actually repenting. God wants us to end the relationship if it doesn’t bring us closer to God. Lots of times, however, sin is not the problem in the relationship. Romance is a funny thing. Sometimes you can explain why you don’t like someone and sometimes you can’t. As Christians we are not bound to just marry the holiest guy or girl you can meet. They must be a Christian (1 Corinthians 7:39). They must be someone who is mature enough to fulfill their biblical role as a spouse. But just because they check these major boxes doesn’t mean you must marry them. Then other times I think it’s that we just don’t CHOOSE that person, and that’s fine. But we should own it. God gave us the freedom to choose anyone we want with only two main requirements: they must be of the opposite sex and must be a Christian. If the other person is those two things then I think you should be honest with them and not blame God. Blaming God may cause them to doubt themselves feeling like they aren’t good enough or that God doesn’t value their heart. I believe most of the time it’s our personal preferences that stop us. We want someone who’s tall, skinny, likes sports, shares our love for a particular thing, but this isn’t what God requires. In other words, don’t confuse your personal convictions with Biblical truths. It’s perfectly fine to have our preferences or convictions, but don’t make your preferences God’s requirements. That could make us become very legalistic. In Romans 14:1-3, Paul wrote: “Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him.” "Disputable matters" are areas where the Bible doesn’t expressly give direction. Two disputable matters—among many others—were rampant in the church in Rome:
1. Eating meat offered to idols
2. Celebrating pagan holidays

Unfortunately, disputable issues still divide and hurt Christians today: drinking alcohol, dancing, dress, movies, music, video games, holidays, tattoos, body piercings, bodily augmentations or “upgrades”, worshipping with uplifted hands in prayer, homeschooling, and the list goes on. From my perspective the Indisputables are:
1. The Bible is the Word of God.
2. Jesus is 100% God and 100% man (the hypostatic union).
3. Jesus was virgin born.
4. Jesus died a substitutionary death on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin.
5. The bodily resurrection guaranteed that Christ’s mission was fulfilled.
6. Forgiveness of sin and salvation come solely by God’s grace through faith in Jesus Christ.
7. God establishes an eternal relationship with those who personally receive Him as Savior and Lord.
When we get these indisputables right, our priorities and choices will fall into place. We will live in deeper fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Jesus focused on the essentials as a powerful way to bring in the kingdom. So may we!

“If you are immature, you won’t care how you breakup; you will just do it and get out of the relationship as soon as possible because it no longer serves your purpose and you are being run by your feelings. You should be thoughtful and prayerful in how you break up out of respect for the other person and because you love God. That’s God’s child too, so don’t be rude or short just because you know you will no longer be in that person’s life. Overall, helpful honesty is the best route. I use the phrase “helpful honesty” because thoughtless honesty can be used as weapon. As Christians, our goal should always be to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Often times we error too much on one side. In other words, you can tell someone the truth when you are breaking up but do it in such an insensitive way that you are verbally beating the person up rather than helping them see any issues.”

But you can also try to be so loving you compromise on telling the truth. Never lie to someone when you are breaking up with them just to make them feel better. People know you are lying and often times people need to hear the truth in order to grow. Try to leave that person better than you found them. I believe that dating should be successful no matter if it leads to marriage or a breakup. Marriages lead to a lifetime of love and dating should lead to growth for the next relationship. He or she may not be your spouse, but one day they will be someone’s spouse. Perhaps God can use you to benefit that future marriage by telling someone the truth about areas that are hindering them. Not every relationship ends because of something bad. Sometimes the feelings just aren’t there. If that’s the case, just tell him or her the truth so they are not left wondering what happened. They may do that anyway no matter what you say, but at least your conscience can be clear when you simply tell the truth for why you want to breakup. I’ve been thankful enough to be with someone that we were both able to apologize and admit our mistakes. I believe that she forgives me as much as I forgive her. We can’t put all the blame on one person, because we chose to do wrong whether or not they suggested it or not. I know a lot of people may not agree with this post but that’s my perspective. People use that God told them something so often and I wonder if they ever really stop to listen to Him. I can recall reading about a mass shooter a few years ago saying that God told him to do it. At some point you have to question that voice. The devil speaks to us too. Anything that God tells you to do will line up with His Word, and His Word is love. Let all that you do be done in love, even breakups. God may sometimes speak audibly to people. It is highly doubtful, though, that this occurs as often as some people claim it does. Even in the Bible, God speaking audibly is the exception, not the ordinary. If anyone claims that God has spoken to him or her, always compare what is said with what the Bible says. If God were to speak today, His words would be in full agreement with what He has said in the Bible (2 Timothy 3:16–17). God does not contradict Himself. I believe in the saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.” This may change your view or it may not. All I can do is challenge you to think. My water isn’t for everyone and I’m cool with that.

Employee or Entrepreneur?

Are you ever really your own boss? Is being a business owner better than working a 9-5? I hear a lot of people complaining about working a job and desiring to become an entrepreneur. Being that I’ve had experience in both, I don’t think one is better than the other. Both will have their pros and both come with cons. I want to shed light on my experience with both.
 
Working on a job comes with many positives. There is no overhead for one. You don’t have to pay any expenses, worry about lawsuits, hiring new employees, and making sure everything gets done correctly. Although work may be stressful, it’s nothing compared to being the owner. Most jobs usually have great healthcare benefits. Normally you will get a steady paycheck if you’re the employee. You get retirement after 20 or 30 years. If the company doesn’t make a profit the boss will usually try to pay you to make sure that you don’t quit. With the positives also comes negatives. You may get steady pay, but it’s usually limited to your hourly or salaried pay. If you’re the owner you earn more if business is exceeding expectations. As an employee you have to listen to the boss. You have to do what they tell you. Sometimes this may limit your creativity. You have to provide service to customers or do tasks that you may not agree with if you want to keep your job. You can’t just show up to work when you want to. Usually there’s a certain number of days that you can take off. A promotion or raise is only given if your employer feels the need to, not if you have the required skills to perform the new position.

Now to being an entrepreneur. My experience comes from working with my dad in his logging business and starting my own tree service. It’s truly a great thing, but it may not be for everyone. The great things about it are that you get to make your own schedule and accept clients that you want to. You have to be careful because if your business is doing well, it may cause you to focus too much on making money and neglect spending time with your family. If you feel that something is immoral then you have the control not to do it. You can make $10,000 or a have a really good profit on a good week, but remember you still have expenses to pay: equipment payments, insurance, payroll, gas, etc. Benefits like health insurance will be higher because you don’t get the group rate that larger businesses get. But being an entrepreneur are you really in control of everything? You’re never really your own boss, because you have to listen to the customer’s demands. If I own a restaurant I can’t just fix people’s food how I want to. If I do then I won’t be getting much business. With my dad’s logging business the property owner will tell us what trees to cut and how many. If we don’t obey we’ll be liable for paying for our mistakes. If we damage property we have to pay for that. In the service industry your customer is your boss. Depending on what kind of business you have, demand for it will be seasonal. For example, logging in the winter months it gets muddy in the woods so you can’t work as much. You can go from making that $10,000 to not even $1000 but your expenses are still the same. You have to save money from when business is booming for those slow seasons. A breakdown can cost anywhere from $50 to $5000+. You never truly get time off work. Either you’re trying to attract new clients or are trying to fix equipment. Usually you won’t make much money starting off because you have to buy equipment. Then if you’re not careful you may not make any when it’s paid off if your equipment gets worn down and starts needing repairs. There’s definitely a lot that goes into running your own business. Getting in it thinking that you'll become rich is the wrong mindset. That may happen for you, but you should do it because it's something that you enjoy doing and will allow you to show your own creativity. If you desire to become a business owner, don't be afraid to step out on faith and pursue that dream. But know that it will come with challenges.

I don’t want to discourage anyone from one or the other, but I want to make you aware of the sacrifices of each. Me personally, I like doing both. I like the benefits of not having all of the responsibility working a 9-5 and the freedom to work my own schedule and use my own creativity as an entrepreneur. One isn’t better than the other and we can’t look down on people who don’t desire to be entrepreneurs. Both of them are of equal importance. Whatever you choose, do you best to work diligently and provide great service.

What are some bad habits that people develop in their 20’s?

With my 29th birthday just around the corner, I’ve got just enough experience to feel comfortable and confident answering this question. The 20’s are a hectic time when we finish college, start working, live by ourselves, and live away from our parents. It’s a confusing time when one transitions into adulthood and time seems to literally fly past.

Here are some habits that I find worth talking about here for everyone:


1. Dating without intention - If you’re with someone just for the sex, their money, or status, bail. Relationships should be taken seriously with the intention to commit long-term unless, of course, things fall apart (which they typically do). Far too often I’ve seen friends get hurt or hurt someone else due to selfish intentions. Everything has a purpose, so if you can’t see yourself marrying someone it’s best to end the relationship. Most people engage in sex before their 20’s. Casual sex is bad for your soul. I’m sure there are a lot of people that would disagree with that comment, but there’s something precious and sacred about making love that gets lost when one engages in “having sex” or “hooking up.” You know what ruins your 20’s? Having an unplanned pregnancy at 22 or getting a life changing STD. And the one that most people overlook is developing ungodly soul ties with someone. It’s not worth the heartache.

2. Drinking - I’m all for having a good time. Go out. Dance. Laugh. Make a fool of yourself. It’s healthy. But when it becomes a three-night-a-week-ritual, some self-examination is needed. Not only that, but think of all the money that you just flush down the drain buying alcohol.

3. Drug use -  It may start off occasionally, but addiction towards any substance is one of the HARDEST things to get rid of. Not to mention it does your body tremendous long-term damage. It can also ruin dreams, job opportunities, and relationships with people.

4. Eating everything - You can eat all the pizza, burgers, and candy you want now, but sooner of later your metabolism will slow down. Are you sure you want to put on that extra 30 or 40 pounds? Not only does it affect your physical appearance, but can lead to a variety of health problems and even self esteem problems. Have a healthy, balanced diet and don’t fill up on junk food. Don’t eat takeout everyday! Cook your food, eat healthy, and save money.

5. Sleep deprivation - For some odd reason busyness is glorified in our society. So often I’ve heard people brag that they’ve only slept 2 hours in the past few days. I have to catch myself at times doing this a lot. How about we start bragging about sleeping for 8 hours a night? It’d be much more encouraging to have a healthy society rather than having a bunch of zombies walking around on edge. Would you like to be driving down the interstate with a bunch of people running off 2 hours of sleep? Lack of sleep makes you look older, feel older, and less aware in your daily activities.

5. Using plastic - This is a huge problem. So often I’ll shop using my debit card totally unaware of the balance in my account until the card gets declined or I get hit with an overdraft fee. I understand that it’s much easier to swipe a card than pull out cash for your $36 tab. Yet, studies show us that we spend LESS when we use cash. It’s so easy for people to use their credit card without consciously considering the implications of their purchase. If you’ve got the money that’s one thing, but regularly spending money you don’t have is a dangerous habit to develop.

6. Minimal physical activity - Exercise has more benefits than anything else in life (that involves clothes). Not only does it help you physically, but it benefits you spiritually and mentally. It’s helped me tremendously in overcoming depression/anxiety. Neglecting this potential opportunity for growth and health maintenance would be regrettable. We look down on jobs that require a lot of physical labor, but these jobs are great for keeping us in great physical condition without having to set aside additional time to go to a gym/workout. Whether you do a physically demanding job or not, make it a priority to exercise. Never underestimate the value of exercising.

7. Entitlement - It amazes me how we live in such a microwave society. No one wants to sacrifice. In fact, that’s not even in most people’s vocabulary. I know the common narrative for us millennials. We all feel special. As soon as we graduate college we feel like we should have the $300,000 house, $100,000 car, and exclusive wardrobe that we’ve always longed for. Well life doesn’t work that way. Some of these things take years of saving and planning to gain. There are people in their 40’s that don’t have these things yet, so why do we feel like we deserve them already? The 20’s do seem to be a time period where we may be worthy of more than we receive: more pay, more vacation, more attention, more benefits, more freedom, a better title? But having this mindset is not the right way to approach life. Instead, we should strive to provide more value than we receive so that one day perhaps we receive more value than we bestow. Don’t run behind money thinking it will solve all of your problems because it won’t.

8. Working too hard - it’s true, we all seem to be chasing something. More money, higher status, the plush corner office, you name it. I see so many people trading countless hours of their lives to buy stuff they don’t want or impress people they really don’t like. End this madness. Invest in yourself. Take a break. Go on a vacation. Spend time with family. Life is too short! Even though we’re working to get ourselves set up for life, we also have to be balanced in life. Too much work and not enough play will make Johnny/Sally a dull boy/girl.

9. Save Money - If it’s only $10 a month, we all need to save. Never borrow money and try to be as independent as possible. Live a lifestyle compatible with your earnings, and consider saving / investing for your future. Get hold of a good consultant and start to invest wisely on stocks, bonds, treasury bills etc.

10. Impressing others - Don’t try to compare yourself with others. Just because someone is farther along than you or seems farther along, don’t begin to look down or doubt yourself. Trust YOUR process. No one has it all together no matter how much it make look like it on the outside. Focus on yourself and the goals that you make. Dress well for yourself, buy stuff for yourself. Don’t buy stuff to show off your class, your money, or your well-being. Do not be afraid to stay true to yourself. Seek wise advice, but do what makes sense to you. Don’t worry about what others say as long as your actions aren’t hurting anyone. At the end of the day you have to feel good about what you’ve done and how far you’ve progressed.

11. Neglecting your personal development - Read books (definitely the Bible), attend seminars, listen to podcasts, and work on your character. Don’t become so focused on material things that you neglect your inner being. After all, having a heart for Christ is the most valuable thing that you can gain. Strive to grow academically/technically as well. Learn a different trade and consider doing a side job for extra income. Or at the least know how to do something that will generate income besides your primary occupation. Not many people stay on one job for 20-30 years anymore. Don’t be afraid to venture out and gain skills that will benefit you in a possible career change.

12. Focusing too much on yourself -  Loving yourself too much that you forget that other lives matter too is a bad mindset to have. It is fine to love yourself but there is a reason the word "narcissistic" was invented/derived. God put us here to love one another and serve one another. This life isn’t all about you and you won’t make it very far thinking that you’re the only person that matters.


Being in your 20’s is a lot like being in your teens, only with a lot more freedom and no parental control. You can go and do stuff you had only fantasized about as a teenager. Go out, stay up, drink. have sex, etc, etc. And you aren’t contained by energy, responsibilities, or relationships. Many people waste their 20’s in that way and use that vast potential for their own personal gratification. However, time doesn’t stop only because you don’t have responsibilities. People in their 20’s get in the habit of thinking that. Many people postpone important decisions. Finding the right partner, getting an education, starting a career, beginning a family, are all things people in their 20’s think can start in their 30’s. But what if they want to do more than one of those things? It’s often not possible and always much harder if you lost an entire decade of your life. So don’t do it! Don’t fool yourself into thinking that your 20’s are for wasting time. Set the grounds for the rest of your life as soon as possible and reap the rewards. Nobody thinks on their deathbed “I wish I had wasted my time with pointless actions.”