Different but the Same

In many ways men and women are different, and many they’re the same. I hear a lot of people say that men fall in love with what they see and women with what they hear. Well the last time I checked both have five senses. It’s unfair to make a general statement of all men and women. Both should strive to appeal to all the senses of the other. We stereotype people by race, gender, age, etc. all the time and even though most of it is said in a comical way, some of it fails to assess the character of the individual. All black people don’t show up late, all men don’t cheat, all young people are ignorant about important things in life. It may be common for a particular group but you can’t assume it of everyone. Stereotypes devalue taking the time to genuinely get to know a person. Men like being told that they’re appreciated. Women like a man that takes care of himself. Those are things that most humans appreciate. We all are the same in many ways, being that all humans have basic needs that must be fulfilled. These needs aren’t gender specific.

I watch a lot of talk shows where people proclaim to know why a person did a certain action. Sure this person may be correct, but the only way you’ll know for sure is if you ask that person. A lot of people will ask questions like why do men cheat, why don’t men like to share their emotions, why do women act a certain way? Honestly I find a lot of those questions hard to answer. I don’t think anyone can give you a definite answer for a lot of behaviors, but they can tell you a bunch of possible answers. Ultimately the answer is because they’re selfish, but to come up with the more specific reason you’re better off treating it case by case. I can make assumptions and those always have a chance of being just as right as they could be wrong. I’ve never been the type of man to cheat or not express myself (ex.), so I don’t feel qualified to speak on something not a part of my character. I can only make assumptions about things like this. I believe that people should ask the individual who committed the offense because they’re more capable to speak on their actions than anyone else.

Relationships and marriage are about serving one another. One person shouldn’t do all the giving and the other all the taking. Both should have their needs met and should be able to get some of their wants. With that said, people should treat others the way they want to be treated. If a man wants his woman to look good all the time he should do that as well. Take care of your clothes, keep your hair up, stay in shape. If a woman likes to hear her man tell her nice things, return the favor. Tell him how much you appreciate him and how much he means to you. In a relationship both people should always look for ways that they can please their significant other, within reason. When it comes to things that were traditionally assigned to gender roles I believe that a lot of men should rethink how they look at them. Gone are the days where a woman stayed at home and cleaned and cooked all day. Women are more educated and taking on more roles in society than even 30 years ago. It’s very selfish for a man to expect his wife to have dinner made after working 8 hours, picking up the children from school, and sometimes being in school themselves. My mother raised me up to know how to cook for myself and clean up behind myself. She told me I might not even get married, and if I do, what will I do if my wife gets sick or she’s pregnant? These are all things to be considered. If a man and woman are both working full time jobs, then the responsibility of keeping the house up should be shared.

We all are the same, but still every individual has a different set of beliefs, every individual’s thinking process is different, every individual’s behavior, nature, attitude differs from each other. Even in families, every member of the same family has a different mentality, mindset, and behavior. The key to relationships is understanding each other. And we can only do this by spending time to get to know the individual. There are a few things that I want to talk about that I think make relationships between people complicated, and I want to bring attention to them.

1. Perception
One thing that makes relationships difficult is perception. Perception is the way in which something is regarded, understood or interpreted, We all are the same, but still every individual has different perception. Our perception of things comes from our environment growing up or from our past beliefs and experiences. We form our perception on what did and didn’t work before, and sometimes that can kill the reality. Everyone has a different level of understanding. That’s why two people can give different meaning to the same thing and can form two different views for the same topic. The biggest problem with perception is that no body’s perception is based on the present situation or experience, every perception is based on history, past experiences and beliefs which has nothing to do with today’s reality. People will do things or not do things in a new relationship based on how successful it was in previous relationships. A lot of time this hurts relationships. And perception plays a very important role in our communication, because we communicate based on our views and perception, hence this can create a mess when two people have two different views for the same thing. People shouldn’t fight or argue about their perception. They should communicate to understand, they should not communicate to reply or to argue. Their perception can differ but understanding can bring that perception to common ground. Your perception doesn’t mean it’s reality, it means it is your own belief and it is based on your experiences. It has nothing to do with reality, so perception can be wrong. But a relationship with love, care, and kindness is above that. The goal is to always understand and come to common ground. Don’t argue on the basis of perception. Understand and move on. Life is about understanding, it’s not about always being right. It’s good to ask questions to get a better understanding. I think back to doing book reports in elementary and how our teachers told us to ask those questions: who, what, where, when, why, and how. These questions are very important when a problem of perception arises.

2. Expectation
Sometimes we expect too much from people. Expectations always hurt, because everyone in this world is a human, and unless you make known what you want people won’t understand. Your partner isn’t a super hero, you need to accept the reality that you need to ask for things. You want something then have clear conversation. Usually what happens is that partners don’t say, instead they just expect the other person to understand without saying anything. Not saying and expecting things to go right always happens in movies, and we’re living in the real world, and reality can be harsh sometimes but we need to accept it and need to handle reality like a brave person. We live under the influence of movies and media where everything is so perfect, but reality is far different from those movies. Expectations in life that everything will be ok without your actions and without plans isn’t possible. In relationships you need to communicate. You need to share your likes, dislikes, and only then the other person will know you. Expecting the other person to understand without you telling them what you want will ruin your relationship. Communicate, understand, and support each other always.

3. Assumptions
We all know what assuming means, Assumptions are nothing but a thought or belief which we have in our mind and we have no proof for that thought and that thought has nothing to do with reality. Assumptions can be of two type: direct and indirect. Direct where we have a certain thought in our mind and we believe it’s right, and indirect means we hear some information from someone else, and both kinds of assumptions are really very sour for any kind of relationship and also for our life growth, because most of the time we assume things which aren’t right and that assumption will take us to the wrong way. For example, every girl’s smile doesn’t mean they love you. It can be a friendly smile, or anyone assuming that they can’t do something just because they don’t have enough qualification will do nothing but just stop them from their growth. Hence instead of assuming have clear conversation and take action and then see the result, don’t just assume the outcome without trying anything. Take action and then see the outcome and accordingly be flexible about the methods which can take you to your perfect life.

Most people would agree that communication is a huge factor in relationships, but it has to be more than just that. There has to be understanding and empathy for two people to coexist with one another. We all have a habit of it, but the stereotypes that we have of other genders and groups can hinder our growth in relationships a lot. Experience can be valuable, but not every situation is a reminder of your past. Communication and understanding are so key. Talk, ask questions, love, and respect one another. Peace and blessings.

Things to consider.........

Why do we take pride in being independent? 

Women take pride in not needing a man, we want to start a business by ourselves, we celebrate not having to ask anyone else for help. I can remember wanting to work on projects in school by myself. I knew that I could count on myself to get work done on time and correctly.  It’s something that I still struggle with today. Some of it is because I don’t trust some people and some of it is because I just find it easier to do things alone. We definitely should have some level of independence to ourselves, but it shouldn’t be the norm. God didn’t make us to be all alone. In the beginning He said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Solomon spoke on how two are better than one. We’re the only creation that God made with a need for intimacy. We all have a desire to be known and understood. This companionship isn’t just limited to marriage, but friendships and all other relationships. Friends look out for us, help us when we’re weak, impart wisdom on us, hold us accountable, help us fulfill God’s commandment of love, and provide so many great benefits. The world sees isolation as a negative thing, but most of the time we see independence as a positive thing. If you commit a crime you go to jail and are separated from the general population. Solitary confinement is used as a form of punishment beyond incarceration to keep a prisoner from hurting themselves or someone else. Many of us are becoming prisoners on the outside. We cut everyone off and prefer to work alone, never relying on anyone for help and never being willing to help others. It’s impossible to go throughout life without getting hurt, but we can’t let that stop us from living and interacting with others. Do we prefer independence because it gives us bragging rights, we can say we did it on our own and get all the credit? Or do we think that's the way it's meant to be. It’s not good for us to be alone. After all, Michael Jordan didn’t win six championships by himself.



How can we become good spouses and have lasting marriages if we don’t go to school?

If I wanted to be a doctor or lawyer I would do all I could to prepare myself. I'd take all the high school science courses and try to do intern/job shadow people in the profession. I’d take the LSAT/MCAT then research the best schools to attend in order to pursue the required degree. I’d talk to doctors and nurses and ask them for information. I wouldn’t just say, “I want to be a lawyer and I’m just gonna figure it out as I go along”. How successful are we likely to be with that approach? We probably wouldn’t win many cases. There would probably be a lot of surgeries that go wrong? I feel like we approach relationships in this way though. It’s true that we can only learn some things from experience, but a lot of the things that we deal with in relationships can be made simpler by willing to be taught. In dating we don’t ask questions or want to listen to advice. Although there’s no formal school or degree for marriage, there is a way to learn how to be married before getting married. We don’t fail multiple classes on our way to getting our degree and just feel okay with it, but the way we date we think it’s normal to just have multiple failed relationships. When you see you’re struggling in a class you get tutoring, talk to the instructor, or get some other means of help. Do we do this in relationships? Even with all those steps you may still fail that class so it’s understandable if you have a few failed relationships, but I think many times we don’t seek help first. Treat relationships like school. Too many failures will ruin our GPA.

Marriage is one of the most serious things that you can do. We go to school for a career that we’ll only do 20-30 years of our life, but we don’t seek guidance or counseling for a job that’s supposed to last for the rest of our life. There’s books on marriage and seminars you can attend. Although we should use discernment on which ones to read and learn from, they’re very beneficial. We learn from observation and guidance. A man should learn how to be a husband and father from his father. A woman should learn how to be a wife and mother from her mother. But with the way the world is today, how many boys get to see a man leading his family? With no father in the home how many girls get to see their mother submit to their father and their father handling things that a man is meant to? Even some homes with both parents don’t get to see a great example of this? Out of all the things that my father taught me growing up, I can’t recall him ever teaching me about dating/courting. We’re left to “figure it out” on our own. Do parents not know how to teach it or do they just neglect to? Why don’t all pastors make premarital counseling a requirement for marriage? Isn’t marriage more important than a career? We’re not left to “figure out” our careers, so why would we treat marriage and relationships that way? Have you ever stop to thinking about your views on dating/relationships and why you feel the way you do towards it? I strongly believe that God prepares us for whatever He blesses us with.


Why is modern dating so different from biblical dating? 

This question goes hand in hand with the previous question. First, we have to define what dating is. Dating is meant to lead to marriage, and I believe much of the dysfunction in relationships is due to people not having that as the goal. The goal of dating should be to decide if you want to marry that person. If you decide you do want to get married, stop dating, get engaged, and get married. If you decide you do not want to marry that person, you have accomplished that goal and you should breakup. Dating should only continue when you are still unsure one way or the other. But the way in which we date today is more about just having a good time, then we can decide later if we want to get married. The system today’s young men and women have inherited for finding and marrying a future spouse leaves a lot to be desired. We don’t like anyone to know who we’re dating which keeps us from being held accountable. We don’t introduce them to family right off until we know that it’s “sure”, but our family is supposed to help us in the decision making of that. I can understand the reasoning behind the way we do things but that doesn’t justify it. It’s like saying we don’t trust God’s way by coming up with our own rules. As Christians we’re called to be set apart from the world, so does the way we date let others know that I’m Christian or that I’m fitting in with the world. We hear a lot about being celibate when it comes to dating, but biblical dating is so much more than just practicing celibacy. When it comes to dating and relationships, perhaps more than in any other area of the everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world. That truth has brought immeasurable emotional pain and other consequences to many Christians. Worse, it has brought great dishonor to the name of Christ and to the witness of individuals and the church. It doesn’t have to be this way. For Christians, the Lord has given us His Word, and the Holy Spirit helps us to understand it. We have brothers and sisters in Christ to hold us accountable and to help us apply the Word to our lives. If you’re a Christian, that’s the biblical life you’re called to. Many will argue that the Bible doesn’t give us instructions on how to date, but that’s not true. God cares so much about us and every area of our life, so why would He leave out such critical information on the process of finding our spouse. The theological doctrine sufficiency of Scripture simply holds that the Bible is sufficient to guide and instruct us authoritatively in all areas of our faith and life, and that there is no area of life about which the Bible has no guidance for us. The sufficiency of Scripture is taught explicitly and implicitly in many passages, but perhaps the most obvious is 2 Timothy 3:16-17:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

The Bible speaks to every area of our faith and life at some level. Some things it talks about explicitly, like salvation or sanctification or marriage or elders. The Bible guides us in some areas by broader, more general principles and ideas we can build on as we strive to live the Christian life in practical ways. In either case, no area of life falls totally outside of the guidance and authority of God’s Word. My point is that we cannot simply state that the Bible “doesn’t mention dating or courtship,” and then think we’re off the hook to pursue this area of our lives either on the world’s terms or however seems best to us without diligent, submissive reference to God’s Word. If the doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture is true, then God’s Word does have authoritative guidance for us about how we might best glorify God in this area of our lives. That means our conversation has to be a biblical conversation.

So what is biblical dating? It can be defined as a method of introduction and carrying out of a pre-marital relationship between a single man and a single woman:

1. That begins (maybe) with the man approaching and going through the woman’s father or family;
2. that is conducted under the authority of the woman’s father or family or church; and
3. that always has marriage (or at least a determination regarding marriage to a specific person) as its direct goal.

The Scriptural support for the idea of biblical dating is largely by example and implication.

Modern dating basically has the same basic definition but looks differently when viewed closer.

1. that begins with either the man or the woman initiating with the other;
2. that is conducted outside the formal oversight or authority of either person’s family or church; and
3. that may or may not have marriage as its goal and is often purely “recreational” or “educational.”

There’s no biblical support to this way of dating. The very idea of extended romantic or sexual involvement outside of marriage doesn’t even appear in Scripture unless it is described as illicit (sinful). Furthermore, it doesn’t even appear in any society, western or otherwise, in any systematic way until the 20th century. While the principles supporting biblical dating have their beginnings with the very structure of the family, modern dating has its origins with the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It is brand new, and yet, seemingly, it is all we know.

We can look at so many differences between modern dating and biblical dating. Modern dating philosophy assumes that there will be several intimate romantic relationships in a person’s life before marriage. In fact, it advocates “playing the field” in order to determine “what one wants” in a mate. Biblical dating has as its goal to be emotionally and physically intimate with only one member of the opposite sex: your spouse. Modern dating tends to be egalitarian (no differences between men and women in spiritual or emotional “wiring” or God-given roles). Biblical dating tends to be complementarian (God has created men and women differently and has ordained each of these spiritual equals to play different and valuable roles in the church and in the family). Modern dating tends to assume that you will spend a great deal of time together (most of it alone). Biblical dating tends to encourage time spent in group activities or with other people the couple knows well. Modern dating tends to assume that you need to get to know a person more deeply than anyone else in the world to figure out whether you should be with him or her. The biblical approach suggests that real commitment to the other person should precede such a high level of intimacy. Modern dating tends to assume that a good relationship will “meet all my needs and desires,” and a bad one won’t — it’s essentially a self-centered approach. Biblical dating approaches relationships from a completely different perspective — one of ministry and service and bringing glory to God. Modern dating tends to assume that there will be a high level of emotional involvement in a dating relationship, and some level of physical involvement as well. Biblical dating assumes no physical intimacy and more limited emotional intimacy outside of marriage. Modern dating assumes that what I do and who I date as an adult is entirely up to me and is private (my family or the church has no formal or practical authority). Biblical dating assumes a context of spiritual accountability, as is true in every other area of the Christian life.

I’m confident that many of you will disagree with some of my statements. Ask yourself why. I have a particular challenge for those of you whose main objection is that the practical details “are not explicitly biblical”: think about the details of how you conduct (or would like to conduct) your dating life. Can you find explicit support for the modern approach in Scripture? Are there even broad principles in Scripture that justify the modern vision of dating (or yours, whatever it may be)? The Bible simply doesn’t give us explicit instructions on some things. Fair enough. In such a situation, we should ask what gets us closest to clear biblical teaching. In other words, within the many gray areas here, what conduct in our dating lives will help us to best care for our brothers and sisters in Christ and bring honor to His name?

That’s it. That’s a basic framework for biblical dating as best I can discern it from the principles of God’s Word. Now, you’re on. No question is too broad or too specific, too theoretical, too theological, or too practical. Agree with what I’ve said, or challenge it. This is how iron sharpens iron.

Why do people avoid change?

“Failure or no change in your character could be an indication of lack of time spent with God.” Why should a 50 year old man still think it’s cool to spend every weekend out with his boys when he has a wife and kids at home? Why would a 35 year old woman find no problem spending 200-300 a week on hair and makeup? I had a conversation with one of my friends about hanging out 5-10 years from now. I told him that we probably won’t be hanging out as much especially if I’m married. My priorities will be different and so will my behavior. My family will come first. It’s not that our friendship will change, but my priorities will be different. A married person can’t do what a single person does. A CEO can’t do what an entry level worker does. Priorities promote change. Maturing promotes change. There’s nothing wrong with those things, but the older you get and more you priorities change the more your mind should value some things less. Our inner being should constantly be changing. Growth is a life long process. We may stop growing physically in our early 20s but we should never stop growing spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

How can we progress in life if we fear change? If I’m on a job where I don’t mind being late or not taking my responsibilities seriously, how can I expect to be promoted? Are we even equipping ourselves and trying to grow? I hear a lot of people talking about not getting in a relationship with someone who wants to change you, but I disagree. Relationships, especially intimate relationships should encourage you to change. They’re like mirrors, sometimes the person you’re with can see things in you that you don’t even see in yourself. Consider it is what they’re saying before you tune them out. We should all want to change because none of us are perfect and others are meant to help us grow. You don’t have to change certain things about yourself, but if you’re content with being just the way you are 10, 20, 30 years from now then you’re a stagnant person, and that’s not great. Ask yourself what changes can be made to bring you closer to God, loving others, and developing your character. Those are changes that you should never be reluctant to make.

Why don’t more couples want to be relationship goals? 

We aspire to be role models in our careers but not in friendships, marriages, etc. If no one else sees your relationship as goals, at the least your family should. Your children should learn about marriage from your example. Divorcees in your family should learn what they can do if they remarry. You should strive to break generational curses with your example. I believe that a lot of people shy away from wanting to have others look at their relationship as a model is due to the possibility that it may fail, but we fail at jobs, degrees, and many other things but that doesn’t stop us from being role models in those areas. People can learn from your failures too. Be transparent. Tell people that marriage isn’t all peaches and cream, but in the end it’s all worth it. Reversing 20-30 years of selfishness shouldn’t be easy but it’s possible and very rewarding. Marriage is an everyday exercise in repentance and forgiveness. There’s no way to be the perfect spouse; I am a sinner and my sin will hurt those around me. Yet in our imperfection, we can consistently point to a perfect Savior. The willingness to do that — to die to our pride that another may be glorified — shows in a real way that we grasp the goodness and power of the gospel. I have to admit that I look up to married couples for inspiration, and I've talked with other men who do as well. It’s easy to get discouraged while dating/courting after seeing all these couples breaking up and getting divorced. I know it may be putting pressure on married couples, but you should want to be the example for single people. You made those vows and you should strive to honor them. It breaks my heart that a lot of marriages give bad examples. I know we all love the good times in relationships, but teach us how to deal with the bad times. Show us that you two relied on God to make your union last. Can you show us that love is everything that God says that it is?

The Blame Game

Many times we apply “God told me” to intimate relationships, but not friends, work, and many other things in our life. Why doesn’t God tell you to quit your job when your boss tells you to do something immoral or a friend does something to upset you? God doesn’t just talk to us about boyfriend/girlfriends, but every relationship and everything that we’re involved in. Either we ignore God’s voice in these situations or we deal with it because we value them. I’m not saying that God doesn’t tell us to break up with someone but I do believe that we have to take responsibility for our part and own our choices. When God leads us to make decisions in life, those choices are not devoid of wisdom and practicality too. Why is God leading you to breakup? Are you not attracted to her? Is he not mature enough to lead you? Are you headed in two different directions in life? Do you just want to enjoy college without worrying about a relationship? Those reasons are fine, but be authentic.We can’t make the other person just look like a demon, because God loves and cares for them the same way He does for you, even if they aren’t Christian.

We’re all gonna sin in some way in a relationship: anger, selfishness, lust, pride, etc. We tend to only think of the “big” sins when it comes to God telling us not to do something, like fornication, cheating, drinking, abusiveness or drug use, but those little sins are just as important to avoid. In a lot of relationships, one person will say the other person was leading them to sexual sin or drug use, but ignore their own sins just because they weren't as big. No matter how hard we try we will continue to sin throughout life. The person we marry will be a sinner. So to say that God said not to be with a person because they sin seems poorly stated. Do you quit a job every time a boss wrongs you or cut your friends off when they wrong you? I believe that it’s more about the what specific sin is, the person’s heart towards sin, and their willingness to fight it. I think about when Jesus spoke to the adulterous woman in John 8. In verse 11, Jesus told her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” Jesus didn’t condemn the woman because of her adultery, but He didn’t ignore or condone her sin. He told her to leave her life of sin. Jesus is ready to forgive any sin in our life, but confession and repentance means a change of heart. With God’s help we can accept Christ’s forgiveness and stop our wrongdoing. God will forgive us and we will fall short still, but our sin shouldn’t be intentional and shouldn’t be the same sins that we already asked forgiveness for.

A guy at a conference that I attended talked about how he and his wife’s relationship developed. They started dating in high school and they engaged in sex during their relationship, but in college his girlfriend’s relationship with Christ began to grow and she told him that she was going to be celibate. She gave him an ultimatum and told him for their relationship to continue that they would have to follow God’s will. He mentioned that she was farther along in her relationship with Christ, but eventually he caught up to her. Could she have ended the relationship? Yes, but I believe that God is just as pleased that they worked things out. Because he saw VALUE in her, his heart changed. So often we refuse to forgive people and give them second chances, but we forget that God forgives us daily and doesn’t give up on us. One of the most overlooked teachings in the Christian community is showing grace and mercy to others the same way that God shows us.

God didn’t tell Adam and Eve not to be together because of their sin and I don’t think He wants people to end relationships because of sin these days. Reconciliation is always the first option, especially if sex was involved. As mentioned above, we have to show grace but it would be unwise to remain in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have a repentant heart. I believe that not trying to make a relationship work after sex is involved downplays the sacredness of sex and marriage. Sex was created to be more than casual. This is ideal, but I’m also realistic. I understand that not every situation will have TWO people who want to fix things. So this is for people who do. It’s not about how you start but how you finish.

When we say that God told us to break up I feel like we’re not taking responsibility for our part in the relationship. Adam blamed Eve when God asked him about eating the fruit. He didn’t take responsibility for his role in things. Eve may have caused him to sin, but he caused her to as well by not being the leader that he was supposed to be. She would've never gotten the fruit if he was leading how as he was instructed to. Most times especially if we’ve been in a relationship for a significant amount of time, we both will sin and hurt each other. If you have sex with someone both of you are sinning. Unless you were raped or forced (God forbid), both of you CHOSE to engage in that. It’s unfair to say that this person is taking me away from God because they’re causing me to sin, because you’re taking them away from God’s will as well. When we look at it that way it causes us to humble ourselves and not cast blame so quickly. The failure to see our own sin makes us withhold forgiveness from others. That’s something that God got me to realize. God not only cares for me but the other person as well, and if I can’t help them (grow in Christ with them) I shouldn’t hurt them (sin with them), then blame everything on them..

With that said, the first and most obvious reason a Christian dating couple should breakup is if their continued relationship will lead to more sin rather than more glory to God. The main motivation for a Christian marriage is not companionship, financial stability, sex, or anything like that. Those are good benefits that should be enjoyed, but the main purpose of marriage is to glorify God. Therefore if a dating relationship is working against this goal rather than helping you accomplish your true purpose, you should break up. For example, if you are repeatedly failing to sexual temptation in the relationship but you do not want to move into marriage with this person, then the biblical solution is to break up. To remain in that season of intense temptation by not moving towards marriage or not breaking up is to miss the mark of true biblical repentance. You might feel sorry for continuing to struggle with sexual sin in the dating relationship, but if you are not taking practical steps to change your behavior you are not actually repenting. God wants us to end the relationship if it doesn’t bring us closer to God. Lots of times, however, sin is not the problem in the relationship. Romance is a funny thing. Sometimes you can explain why you don’t like someone and sometimes you can’t. As Christians we are not bound to just marry the holiest guy or girl you can meet. They must be a Christian (1 Corinthians 7:39). They must be someone who is mature enough to fulfill their biblical role as a spouse. But just because they check these major boxes doesn’t mean you must marry them. Then other times I think it’s that we just don’t CHOOSE that person, and that’s fine. But we should own it. God gave us the freedom to choose anyone we want with only two main requirements: they must be of the opposite sex and must be a Christian. If the other person is those two things then I think you should be honest with them and not blame God. Blaming God may cause them to doubt themselves feeling like they aren’t good enough or that God doesn’t value their heart. I believe most of the time it’s our personal preferences that stop us. We want someone who’s tall, skinny, likes sports, shares our love for a particular thing, but this isn’t what God requires. In other words, don’t confuse your personal convictions with Biblical truths. It’s perfectly fine to have our preferences or convictions, but don’t make your preferences God’s requirements. That could make us become very legalistic. In Romans 14:1-3, Paul wrote: “Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him.” "Disputable matters" are areas where the Bible doesn’t expressly give direction. Two disputable matters—among many others—were rampant in the church in Rome:
1. Eating meat offered to idols
2. Celebrating pagan holidays

Unfortunately, disputable issues still divide and hurt Christians today: drinking alcohol, dancing, dress, movies, music, video games, holidays, tattoos, body piercings, bodily augmentations or “upgrades”, worshipping with uplifted hands in prayer, homeschooling, and the list goes on. From my perspective the Indisputables are:
1. The Bible is the Word of God.
2. Jesus is 100% God and 100% man (the hypostatic union).
3. Jesus was virgin born.
4. Jesus died a substitutionary death on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin.
5. The bodily resurrection guaranteed that Christ’s mission was fulfilled.
6. Forgiveness of sin and salvation come solely by God’s grace through faith in Jesus Christ.
7. God establishes an eternal relationship with those who personally receive Him as Savior and Lord.
When we get these indisputables right, our priorities and choices will fall into place. We will live in deeper fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Jesus focused on the essentials as a powerful way to bring in the kingdom. So may we!

“If you are immature, you won’t care how you breakup; you will just do it and get out of the relationship as soon as possible because it no longer serves your purpose and you are being run by your feelings. You should be thoughtful and prayerful in how you break up out of respect for the other person and because you love God. That’s God’s child too, so don’t be rude or short just because you know you will no longer be in that person’s life. Overall, helpful honesty is the best route. I use the phrase “helpful honesty” because thoughtless honesty can be used as weapon. As Christians, our goal should always be to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Often times we error too much on one side. In other words, you can tell someone the truth when you are breaking up but do it in such an insensitive way that you are verbally beating the person up rather than helping them see any issues.”

But you can also try to be so loving you compromise on telling the truth. Never lie to someone when you are breaking up with them just to make them feel better. People know you are lying and often times people need to hear the truth in order to grow. Try to leave that person better than you found them. I believe that dating should be successful no matter if it leads to marriage or a breakup. Marriages lead to a lifetime of love and dating should lead to growth for the next relationship. He or she may not be your spouse, but one day they will be someone’s spouse. Perhaps God can use you to benefit that future marriage by telling someone the truth about areas that are hindering them. Not every relationship ends because of something bad. Sometimes the feelings just aren’t there. If that’s the case, just tell him or her the truth so they are not left wondering what happened. They may do that anyway no matter what you say, but at least your conscience can be clear when you simply tell the truth for why you want to breakup. I’ve been thankful enough to be with someone that we were both able to apologize and admit our mistakes. I believe that she forgives me as much as I forgive her. We can’t put all the blame on one person, because we chose to do wrong whether or not they suggested it or not. I know a lot of people may not agree with this post but that’s my perspective. People use that God told them something so often and I wonder if they ever really stop to listen to Him. I can recall reading about a mass shooter a few years ago saying that God told him to do it. At some point you have to question that voice. The devil speaks to us too. Anything that God tells you to do will line up with His Word, and His Word is love. Let all that you do be done in love, even breakups. God may sometimes speak audibly to people. It is highly doubtful, though, that this occurs as often as some people claim it does. Even in the Bible, God speaking audibly is the exception, not the ordinary. If anyone claims that God has spoken to him or her, always compare what is said with what the Bible says. If God were to speak today, His words would be in full agreement with what He has said in the Bible (2 Timothy 3:16–17). God does not contradict Himself. I believe in the saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.” This may change your view or it may not. All I can do is challenge you to think. My water isn’t for everyone and I’m cool with that.

Employee or Entrepreneur?

Are you ever really your own boss? Is being a business owner better than working a 9-5? I hear a lot of people complaining about working a job and desiring to become an entrepreneur. Being that I’ve had experience in both, I don’t think one is better than the other. Both will have their pros and both come with cons. I want to shed light on my experience with both.
 
Working on a job comes with many positives. There is no overhead for one. You don’t have to pay any expenses, worry about lawsuits, hiring new employees, and making sure everything gets done correctly. Although work may be stressful, it’s nothing compared to being the owner. Most jobs usually have great healthcare benefits. Normally you will get a steady paycheck if you’re the employee. You get retirement after 20 or 30 years. If the company doesn’t make a profit the boss will usually try to pay you to make sure that you don’t quit. With the positives also comes negatives. You may get steady pay, but it’s usually limited to your hourly or salaried pay. If you’re the owner you earn more if business is exceeding expectations. As an employee you have to listen to the boss. You have to do what they tell you. Sometimes this may limit your creativity. You have to provide service to customers or do tasks that you may not agree with if you want to keep your job. You can’t just show up to work when you want to. Usually there’s a certain number of days that you can take off. A promotion or raise is only given if your employer feels the need to, not if you have the required skills to perform the new position.

Now to being an entrepreneur. My experience comes from working with my dad in his logging business and starting my own tree service. It’s truly a great thing, but it may not be for everyone. The great things about it are that you get to make your own schedule and accept clients that you want to. You have to be careful because if your business is doing well, it may cause you to focus too much on making money and neglect spending time with your family. If you feel that something is immoral then you have the control not to do it. You can make $10,000 or a have a really good profit on a good week, but remember you still have expenses to pay: equipment payments, insurance, payroll, gas, etc. Benefits like health insurance will be higher because you don’t get the group rate that larger businesses get. But being an entrepreneur are you really in control of everything? You’re never really your own boss, because you have to listen to the customer’s demands. If I own a restaurant I can’t just fix people’s food how I want to. If I do then I won’t be getting much business. With my dad’s logging business the property owner will tell us what trees to cut and how many. If we don’t obey we’ll be liable for paying for our mistakes. If we damage property we have to pay for that. In the service industry your customer is your boss. Depending on what kind of business you have, demand for it will be seasonal. For example, logging in the winter months it gets muddy in the woods so you can’t work as much. You can go from making that $10,000 to not even $1000 but your expenses are still the same. You have to save money from when business is booming for those slow seasons. A breakdown can cost anywhere from $50 to $5000+. You never truly get time off work. Either you’re trying to attract new clients or are trying to fix equipment. Usually you won’t make much money starting off because you have to buy equipment. Then if you’re not careful you may not make any when it’s paid off if your equipment gets worn down and starts needing repairs. There’s definitely a lot that goes into running your own business. Getting in it thinking that you'll become rich is the wrong mindset. That may happen for you, but you should do it because it's something that you enjoy doing and will allow you to show your own creativity. If you desire to become a business owner, don't be afraid to step out on faith and pursue that dream. But know that it will come with challenges.

I don’t want to discourage anyone from one or the other, but I want to make you aware of the sacrifices of each. Me personally, I like doing both. I like the benefits of not having all of the responsibility working a 9-5 and the freedom to work my own schedule and use my own creativity as an entrepreneur. One isn’t better than the other and we can’t look down on people who don’t desire to be entrepreneurs. Both of them are of equal importance. Whatever you choose, do you best to work diligently and provide great service.

What are some bad habits that people develop in their 20’s?

With my 29th birthday just around the corner, I’ve got just enough experience to feel comfortable and confident answering this question. The 20’s are a hectic time when we finish college, start working, live by ourselves, and live away from our parents. It’s a confusing time when one transitions into adulthood and time seems to literally fly past.

Here are some habits that I find worth talking about here for everyone:


1. Dating without intention - If you’re with someone just for the sex, their money, or status, bail. Relationships should be taken seriously with the intention to commit long-term unless, of course, things fall apart (which they typically do). Far too often I’ve seen friends get hurt or hurt someone else due to selfish intentions. Everything has a purpose, so if you can’t see yourself marrying someone it’s best to end the relationship. Most people engage in sex before their 20’s. Casual sex is bad for your soul. I’m sure there are a lot of people that would disagree with that comment, but there’s something precious and sacred about making love that gets lost when one engages in “having sex” or “hooking up.” You know what ruins your 20’s? Having an unplanned pregnancy at 22 or getting a life changing STD. And the one that most people overlook is developing ungodly soul ties with someone. It’s not worth the heartache.

2. Drinking - I’m all for having a good time. Go out. Dance. Laugh. Make a fool of yourself. It’s healthy. But when it becomes a three-night-a-week-ritual, some self-examination is needed. Not only that, but think of all the money that you just flush down the drain buying alcohol.

3. Drug use -  It may start off occasionally, but addiction towards any substance is one of the HARDEST things to get rid of. Not to mention it does your body tremendous long-term damage. It can also ruin dreams, job opportunities, and relationships with people.

4. Eating everything - You can eat all the pizza, burgers, and candy you want now, but sooner of later your metabolism will slow down. Are you sure you want to put on that extra 30 or 40 pounds? Not only does it affect your physical appearance, but can lead to a variety of health problems and even self esteem problems. Have a healthy, balanced diet and don’t fill up on junk food. Don’t eat takeout everyday! Cook your food, eat healthy, and save money.

5. Sleep deprivation - For some odd reason busyness is glorified in our society. So often I’ve heard people brag that they’ve only slept 2 hours in the past few days. I have to catch myself at times doing this a lot. How about we start bragging about sleeping for 8 hours a night? It’d be much more encouraging to have a healthy society rather than having a bunch of zombies walking around on edge. Would you like to be driving down the interstate with a bunch of people running off 2 hours of sleep? Lack of sleep makes you look older, feel older, and less aware in your daily activities.

5. Using plastic - This is a huge problem. So often I’ll shop using my debit card totally unaware of the balance in my account until the card gets declined or I get hit with an overdraft fee. I understand that it’s much easier to swipe a card than pull out cash for your $36 tab. Yet, studies show us that we spend LESS when we use cash. It’s so easy for people to use their credit card without consciously considering the implications of their purchase. If you’ve got the money that’s one thing, but regularly spending money you don’t have is a dangerous habit to develop.

6. Minimal physical activity - Exercise has more benefits than anything else in life (that involves clothes). Not only does it help you physically, but it benefits you spiritually and mentally. It’s helped me tremendously in overcoming depression/anxiety. Neglecting this potential opportunity for growth and health maintenance would be regrettable. We look down on jobs that require a lot of physical labor, but these jobs are great for keeping us in great physical condition without having to set aside additional time to go to a gym/workout. Whether you do a physically demanding job or not, make it a priority to exercise. Never underestimate the value of exercising.

7. Entitlement - It amazes me how we live in such a microwave society. No one wants to sacrifice. In fact, that’s not even in most people’s vocabulary. I know the common narrative for us millennials. We all feel special. As soon as we graduate college we feel like we should have the $300,000 house, $100,000 car, and exclusive wardrobe that we’ve always longed for. Well life doesn’t work that way. Some of these things take years of saving and planning to gain. There are people in their 40’s that don’t have these things yet, so why do we feel like we deserve them already? The 20’s do seem to be a time period where we may be worthy of more than we receive: more pay, more vacation, more attention, more benefits, more freedom, a better title? But having this mindset is not the right way to approach life. Instead, we should strive to provide more value than we receive so that one day perhaps we receive more value than we bestow. Don’t run behind money thinking it will solve all of your problems because it won’t.

8. Working too hard - it’s true, we all seem to be chasing something. More money, higher status, the plush corner office, you name it. I see so many people trading countless hours of their lives to buy stuff they don’t want or impress people they really don’t like. End this madness. Invest in yourself. Take a break. Go on a vacation. Spend time with family. Life is too short! Even though we’re working to get ourselves set up for life, we also have to be balanced in life. Too much work and not enough play will make Johnny/Sally a dull boy/girl.

9. Save Money - If it’s only $10 a month, we all need to save. Never borrow money and try to be as independent as possible. Live a lifestyle compatible with your earnings, and consider saving / investing for your future. Get hold of a good consultant and start to invest wisely on stocks, bonds, treasury bills etc.

10. Impressing others - Don’t try to compare yourself with others. Just because someone is farther along than you or seems farther along, don’t begin to look down or doubt yourself. Trust YOUR process. No one has it all together no matter how much it make look like it on the outside. Focus on yourself and the goals that you make. Dress well for yourself, buy stuff for yourself. Don’t buy stuff to show off your class, your money, or your well-being. Do not be afraid to stay true to yourself. Seek wise advice, but do what makes sense to you. Don’t worry about what others say as long as your actions aren’t hurting anyone. At the end of the day you have to feel good about what you’ve done and how far you’ve progressed.

11. Neglecting your personal development - Read books (definitely the Bible), attend seminars, listen to podcasts, and work on your character. Don’t become so focused on material things that you neglect your inner being. After all, having a heart for Christ is the most valuable thing that you can gain. Strive to grow academically/technically as well. Learn a different trade and consider doing a side job for extra income. Or at the least know how to do something that will generate income besides your primary occupation. Not many people stay on one job for 20-30 years anymore. Don’t be afraid to venture out and gain skills that will benefit you in a possible career change.

12. Focusing too much on yourself -  Loving yourself too much that you forget that other lives matter too is a bad mindset to have. It is fine to love yourself but there is a reason the word "narcissistic" was invented/derived. God put us here to love one another and serve one another. This life isn’t all about you and you won’t make it very far thinking that you’re the only person that matters.


Being in your 20’s is a lot like being in your teens, only with a lot more freedom and no parental control. You can go and do stuff you had only fantasized about as a teenager. Go out, stay up, drink. have sex, etc, etc. And you aren’t contained by energy, responsibilities, or relationships. Many people waste their 20’s in that way and use that vast potential for their own personal gratification. However, time doesn’t stop only because you don’t have responsibilities. People in their 20’s get in the habit of thinking that. Many people postpone important decisions. Finding the right partner, getting an education, starting a career, beginning a family, are all things people in their 20’s think can start in their 30’s. But what if they want to do more than one of those things? It’s often not possible and always much harder if you lost an entire decade of your life. So don’t do it! Don’t fool yourself into thinking that your 20’s are for wasting time. Set the grounds for the rest of your life as soon as possible and reap the rewards. Nobody thinks on their deathbed “I wish I had wasted my time with pointless actions.”

Excuses

"Excuses"

Author Unknown

Excuses are tools of incompetence.

They build monuments of nothingness, and

Those who specialize in them seldom accomplish anything

“Stay getting to it that broke s**t ain't in my plan, yeah
Sleep when I'm dead, I'ma grind every day that I can
Got seven kids, and I gotta make sure
All of 'em them fed, by any means
Can't be no excuses, my children can't eat no excuses
My daughter can't sleep in excuses
My son he see me with no paper like keep your excuses
If you ain't producing, you're useless
That's why I'm out here getting to it” ~ T.I.

This is a poem that I’m sure that many members of Greek organizations are familiar with. The second part is from a song by Big K.R.I.T. ft. T.I. - Big Bank. I found the song to put the poem in more relatable words. As T.I. states in the song, excuses won’t do a thing to support my family. Do we let excuses stop us from taking care of our family? What about us letting them stop us from obeying God?

There are many things that God intended for man to do when He created Adam. God created man in His image (Gen. 1:27), to work (Gen. 1:1), to serve, to love others, and to be a part of his eternal plan. God said that the whole duty of man is to obey His commands and love others (Ecc. 12:13). One of the responsibilities that we overlook as a responsibility of man is simply, being responsible. None of our other duties can be accomplished if we neglect our duty of being responsible. Lets go back to Genesis where we can see where Adam tried to run from being responsible.

Genesis 3
11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” 13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

“The woman whom You gave to be with me”. Hmm does that sound like someone who’s responsible and taking the lead? That’s what we do today. “I didn’t start that business because I don’t have the money. I couldn’t pass the class because I had to work too many hours. I would’ve fixed my wife’s car like she asked me to, but something came up.” God created Adam to lead, and with leadership comes great responsibility. More times than not the blame is going to be on leadership. No matter who did wrong, leadership will most likely be questioned. Adam and Eve failed to heed God’s warning recorded in 2:16-17. When God asked Adam about his sin, Adam blamed Eve. Then Eve blamed the serpent. How easily it is to excuse our sins by blaming someone else or circumstances. But God knows the truth, and he holds each of us responsible for what we do. Admit your wrong attitudes and actions and apologize to God. Don’t try to get away with sin by blaming someone else.

God will hold all of us responsible for obeying His Word. But I want to speak more to the men in this post though. God made us to lead our families. Will we be responsible? Will we love our wives like Christ loves the church? Will we provide for and teach our children to do Your will? Will we do our best on our jobs so that it glorifies you? Will we be good friends to those that we interact with? God has given us the knowledge and wisdom to do all of these things, but it’s up to us to seek Him and put in the work so that our actions show our obedience to Him. That doesn’t mean that it won’t be hard, it doesn’t mean that you won’t get discouraged, but when God has told you to do something it’s in your best interest to obey. Maybe Adam and Eve didn’t understand the reasons for His command, so they chose to act in another way that looked better to them. Sometimes maturing can hurt us because we feel like we have to understand everything in order to obey, but there’s a reason God said to “become like little children” (Matthew 18:2-5). You ever notice how a child will do whatever you tell them without questioning (at least before they hit puberty lol)? Well God wants us to remain like that in response to His Word. All of God’s commands are for our own good, but we may not always understand the reasons behind them. People who trust God will obey because God asks them to, whether or not they understand why God commands it. God wants us to be responsible for upholding His commands. When you neglect responsibility, especially as a man, you do a lot of damage to the people that God has put you in charge of. If you’re married that’s you’re wife and children. If you’re single that’s your siblings, friends, coworkers, or anyone that you come into contact with. God needs you to be responsible and not make excuses for ignoring what He told you to do.

God's Way or My Way?

Many times when we or a friend have a problem we will say “Just pray about it” or “Talk to God about it”. But many times friends are a representative of Christ. God works through people. That’s why it’s good for us to consistently spend time with God so that we have an answer to problems when they arise, God’s answer. God isn’t above practicality. When solving problems we have to rely on God’s Word or wise counsel. We need to know that God speaks and works through people most of the time. If we have a sickness, we don’t just pray but we see the doctor. If we can’t pay our bills, we go to a family member or friend and ask for a loan. That’s God touching a person’s heart to fulfill your needs. After all that’s what the church is. You can tell if counsel is wise if it relies on God’s Word. So often we like to read books or apply quotes to our life that aren’t all that biblical. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with reading self-help books, but we have to rely on God’s Word as Christians to solve our problems. We can see from the beginning of time where relying on our own wisdom can lead us to. Adam and Eve depended on their own wisdom to make them happy, and they ended up cursing all of humanity. If you’re having marital problems don’t listen to someone who tells you to get a divorce. God’s Word tells us that He’s against divorce. A wise friend would tell you to seek counseling or other means to restore unity. If a coworker wrongs you don’t listen to someone tell you to retaliate with harsh words or violence, because the Word tells us that a soft answer turns away wrath. We must always seek God’s solution.

We all should be ready to give a friend good advice, but that advice shouldn’t be our own. God has given us a solution to every problem that we’ll ever face in life. For the Word says there’s nothing new under the sun (Ecc. 1:9). Things may manifest themselves in new ways in today’s world, but every problem that we face was encountered thousands of years ago. We can find the solution to every problem in life that we may have. The Bible never goes out of date. So we don’t have to search for new ways to solve old problems. So when a friend asks what would you do in a particular situation, you should respond by thinking what would Jesus do? With the constant improvement in technology we feel like we have to improve ways to fix problems that only God’s Word can. Love is all we need, love for God’s Word. God didn’t leave out anything when he created you because he knew our trials and tribulations before you were even thought of. God cares for every area of your life. Any god-called pastor can’t take any of the credit for his sermons, because the words were inspired by God. They all point to Him. The Bible is the ultimate authority and should guide our actions for whatever we may need. God’s Word is tested and true. “The Bible calls for human counselors to be frank, loving, humble about their own failings, and change-oriented. They are to be servants of the Holy Spirit’s agenda, not autonomous professionals or gurus. The Bible’s way of counseling is radically dependent on the Holy Spirit to apply the Word of God to people’s lives: the promises encourage and empower, the commands convict and guide, and the stories make application.” God has always enabled wise pastors to approach their people with love and patience, and to open their Bibles to the right places to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.

Many times we only come to Jesus when we’re praying for something. And we want our problem answered in the way we want. You can't pray about something then do it your way. Faith without works is dead. So while we pray we should be spending more time in God's Word. So often we say God is telling us to do something, but most of the time it's what we wanted to do all along. Yes I believe God does speak to us through the Holy Spirit, but not as often as we think He does. If our actions are to do something contradictory to what the Bible says then we know for sure that God didn't speak to us, so going to scripture should be our first choice. But we fail to realize that God isn’t here to satisfy our every need, we’re put here to satisfy His. That's a realization that I had to come to recently. God created us for his use. Think about it. What is something that you created or own? Let's take your car for example. The car is yours and you use it to drive to school, work, church, leisure, etc. Everything that this car does is for your benefit, not just some things. You use the seat warmers, 4WD, navigation system, A/C all for your benefit. You receive the glory for everything this car does. Think back to us how we think that our spouse or job is only for God's benefit. But everything you do should be for God. The way you talk, food you eat, the places you go, extracurricular activities, etc. are all for God's glory. How often do you do something that the car demands you to do? It's the same way with God. We are primarily here to be used and controlled by our Creator. We satisfy Him by obedience to His Word and making sure that He’s glorified in all that we do. The servant is not greater than the master, so we should concern ourselves with always seeking to do His will. He’s the only source for living the Christian life.

I’m often confused about how people get married, uniting in a biblical institution, and try to run it in a worldly way. People debate on divorce, separation of finances, letting the woman lead the house, etc. Many marriages struggle in these areas and instead of turning to the creator of this institution, they turn to worldly advice. People raise children and are afraid to discipline them or don’t spend time teaching them anything. People don’t want to work or are disrespectful to their boss. I’m a strong proponent of counseling and I believe marriages should seek it, but counseling should give you the biblical solution. It breaks my heart to see so many people get and give bad advice on social media, on my job, and from their own family. People want to get and give advice that will satisfy the people involved, but not necessarily God. A person should be turning you to God, not what they read in a philosophy book, heard on a talk show, or what they did in a similar situation, if what they did isn’t what Christ commanded. Human wisdom doesn’t contain all the answers. Knowledge and education have their limits. To understand life, we need the wisdom that can only be found in God’s Word to us - the Bible. My wish is that people don’t see me as someone with all the answers, but they see me pointing them to Christ.

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” ~ 1 John 4:1

As Christians we shouldn’t believe everything we hear just because someone says it’s a message inspired by God. There are many ways to test teachers to see if their message is truly from the Lord. One is to check to see if their words match what God says in the Bible. Other tests include their commitment to the body of believers, their lifestyle, and the fruit of their ministry. But the most important test of all says John, is what they believe about Christ. Do they teach that Jesus is fully God and fully man? Our world is filled with voices claiming to speak for God. Give them these tests to see if they’re indeed speaking God’s truth. Some people believe everything they read or hear. Unfortunately, many ideas printed and taught aren’t true. Christians should have faith, but they shouldn’t be gullible. Verify every message you hear, even if the person who brings it says it’s from God. If the message is truly from God, it will be consistent with Christ’s teachings.

I read the book of Colossians which discussed this topic. Paul explained how the world’s teachings are totally empty when compared with God’s plan, and he challenged the Colossians to reject shallow answers and to live in union with Christ (1:24-2:23). In Christ we have everything we need for salvation and for living the Christian life. In Colossians, the church in Colosse had been infiltrated by religious relativism, with some believers attempting to combine elements of heathenism and secular philosophy with Christian doctrine. People were saying many things that contradicted the gospel. Paul confronts these false teachings and affirms the sufficiency of Christ. We shouldn’t let our hunger for a more fulfilling Christian experience cause us to trust in a teacher, a group, or a system of thought more than in Christ himself. Christ is our hope and our true source of wisdom. Some of the things that people believe and share may not be as egregious as what the people in Colosse believed, but if we’re not careful those small misleadings can turn into big things.

Colossians can be broken down into two sections. The first is what Christ has done (chapters 1-2) and the second is what Christians should do (3-4). Paul began this letter from prison by giving thanks to God. Paul commended the Colossians for their faith, love, and hope in God. He didn’t mention knowledge, which was a major part of the heresy of gnosticism. Gnostics believed that it took special knowledge to be accepted by God, but Paul responded in 2:2,18. Gnostics valued the accumulation of knowledge, but Paul pointed out that knowledge in itself is empty. To be worth anything, it must lead to a changed life and right living. His prayer for the Colossians was that they might be filled with the knowledge of God’s will through wisdom and spiritual understanding, and they would be fruitful in every good work, increasing in the knowledge of God. I encourage you to read this short book because there’s many important things that I will leave out to get to the main point. Gnosticism sounded attractive to many, and exposure to such teachings can easily seduce a church that doesn’t know Christian doctrine well. Similar teachings still pose significant problems for many in the church today. We combat heresy by becoming thoroughly acquainted with God’s Word through personal study and sound Bible teaching.

4 I am telling you this so no one will deceive you with well-crafted arguments. 5 For though I am far away from you, my heart is with you. And I rejoice that you are living as you should and that your faith in Christ is strong. 6 And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. 7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.
8 Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. ~ Colossians 2: 4-8 

Paul writes against any philosophy of life based only on human ideas and experiences. Paul himself was a gifted philosopher, so he isn’t condemning philosophy. He’s condemning teaching that credits humanity, not Christ, with being the answer to life’s problems. That approach becomes a false religion. There are many man-made approaches to life’s problems that totally disregard God. To resist heresy you must use your mind, keep your eyes on Christ, and study God’s Word. In the second chapter verses 11-23, Paul speaks about legalism. This is where people thought they their salvation depended on outward signs such as circumcision, what they ate and drank, and having false humility. Before we were saved, we were slaves to sin; but now we are free to live for Christ. The “handwriting of requirements” refers to the Old Testament law. The law was very demanding to live by. Although we can’t be saved by merely keeping the Law, the moral truths and principles still teach and guide today. Following a long list of religious rules requires strong self-discipline and can make a person appear moral, but religious rules cannot change a person’s heart. Only the Holy Spirit can do that.

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. ~ Colossians 3: 5-10

I can recall watching a lot of talk shows and people giving out dating advice. People have all kind of rules when it comes to dating like the 90 Day Rule and things like that related to sex. I’m thinking to myself why is that even being talked about. Christians shouldn’t even be having those types of discussions. As Christians celibacy is supposed to be the only way, but people are debating on sex in dating. How is this sound advice? Another thing is when I see people get mad and begin to use foul language. There’s a better way to handle hostile situations than that. In those times you should be relying on Christ, not succumbing to your emotions.  “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” ~ 2 Cor. 12:9

We listen to people tell us that having a lot of money is the key to life. Everyone needs to become a millionaire. I’ve never seen that promise in the Bible. People take certain verses out of context to make them say that sometimes. If everyone is wealthy, then what value will money have? How many people will actually be walking in purpose, or just chasing money? There’s nothing wrong with being wealthy, but don’t let it be your main goal because you’ll do anything to get it and greed will destroy you. Just ask Solomon (Ecclesiastes). How will God be receiving glory from your wealth? Will you be opening orphanages with your wealth? Will you give money to cancer research? Will you be offer aspiring high school students scholarships? Or will you just use it to buy everything that you ever wanted? God's glory or yours?

Why is it that we can only rely on Bible verses when we want something from God, but not when it’s to keep us from sinning? We can’t manipulate God into being what we want Him to be when we want Him to be it. Paul gives us a strategy to help us live for God day by day: imitate Christ’s compassionate forgiving attitude, let love guide your life, let the peace of God rule in your heart, always be thankful, keep God’s word in you at all times, and live as Jesus Christ’s representative. Doing “all in the name of the Lord Jesus” means bringing honor to Christ in every aspect and activity of daily living. As a Christian, you represent Christ at all times - wherever you go and whatever you say.

16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. ~ Colossians 3:16-17

4 Pray that I will proclaim this message as clearly as I should. 5 Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. 6 Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. ~ Colossians 4: 4-5

Paul wanted to proclaim the Good News about Christ clearly, and we can request prayer to do the same. No matter what approach to evangelism we use, whether emphasizing life-style and examples or whether building relationships, we should never obscure the message of the gospel. We should be wise in our contacts with non-Christians (“those who are outside”), making the most of our opportunities to tell them the Good News of salvation. What opportunities do you have?  Even though we tell others about Christ, we have to be gracious in what we say. The gospel is truth and truth is often controversial. No matter how much sense the message makes, we lose our effectiveness if we aren’t courteous. Just as we like to be respected, we must respect others if we want them to listen to what we have to say. “Seasoned with salt” means that what we say should be “tasty” and should encourage deeper dialogue. God's Way or Your Way?

Kanye for President

Now that I have your attention, I want to say I hope that you’re having a great day and can stick around to read the entire article. According to Christian tradition there are seven deadly sins: envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride, sloth, and wrath. Each of these deadly sins has its root in the desire for more and the human need for excess. Each sin goes against the root of Christianity which is: love for God, love for our fellow man, and love for our bodies (keeping them as clean temples for God). The cure for these sins is the gift of a new heart that acts in accordance to the love and law of God. God has been dealing with me a lot lately on pride. He’s been allowing me to see the pride in myself and the pride in others. I know a lot of people may not agree with the things that Kanye has been speaking about lately, but he actually does make some good points ocassionally. In an interview he did on the Jimmy Kimmel show he was speaking on pride. He stated that we often give pride a positive connotation, but it’s actually one of the seven deadly sins. He was right with this statement. The saying, “A dead clock is right twice a day”, is so true. We can learn something from anyone, even Donald Duck, I mean Trump.

“How many recent sermons have you heard on pride or humility? Probably not many. One hears surprisingly little from church or parachurch leaders about either of these subjects. In fact, what throughout history has been recognized as the deadliest of vices is now almost celebrated as a virtue in our culture. Pride and arrogance are conspicuous among the rich, the powerful, the successful, the famous, and celebrities of all sorts, and even some religious leaders. And it is also alive and well in ordinary people, including each of us. Yet few of us realize how dangerous it is to our souls and how greatly it hinders our intimacy with God and love for others. Humility, on the other hand, is often seen as weakness, and few of us know much about it or pursue it. For the good of our souls, then, we need to gain a clearer understanding of pride and humility and of how to forsake the one and embrace the other.” ~ Thomas A Tarrants III

There are many biblical examples of pride and its consequences in the lives of individuals, and they offer valuable lessons for our own lives. One of the more notable examples from the Old Testament is that of Uzziah, who was a believer. When he became king of Judah at age sixteen, he set his heart to seek God and put himself under the spiritual mentorship of Zechariah. And “as long as he sought the Lord, God made him to prosper” (2 Chron. 26:5). As a result, he acquired wealth and also became politically and militarily powerful. Then things changed. “His fame spread far, for he was marvelously helped, till he was strong. But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction” (26:15–16). What happened? There are hints in the text that at some point on the road to the top, he stopped seeking the Lord and the spiritual mentoring of Zechariah. This suggests a lessening dependence on God and a growing reliance upon himself and his own strength and wisdom. History shows at every point how easy it is for pride to increase as we become stronger, more successful, more prosperous, and more recognized in our endeavors. In fact, anything, real or imagined, that elevates us above others can be a platform for pride. Ironically, this is true even when these things come as a result of God’s blessings. As a result of all his blessings, Uzziah, rather than humbling himself in thanksgiving to God, began to think more highly of himself than he should have and developed an exaggerated sense of his own importance and abilities. This pride of heart led to presumption before God and brought very serious consequences upon him, illustrating the biblical warnings that pride leads to disgrace (Prov. 11:2) and that “pride goes before destruction” (Prov. 16:18).

Moneybagg Yo said in one of his songs “We could’ve been fixed it but we both let pride control the situation” , “Then there it go weon talk for some days cause our pride too big
Cause you feel like you right and I feel like I’m right too busy actin like kids”. Sadly I believe that this is the downfall of a lot of marriages and relationships. None of us are right 100% of the time, for the Bible tells us so. "Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins." ~ Ecclesiastes 7:20
We don’t always let God guide our thoughts and views of everything. We’re human and it’s so easy for us to let our emotions control our actions and decisions. Many people are the way they are based on experiences. Take for example what people see in their childhood. Some are raised in a two parent home while some are raised by a single mother. People growing up seeing their mom have to play both roles or don’t see the role of father and husband modeled will have different beliefs, so they try to do things based off what they believe to be right. I saw Pastor John Gray and his wife do an interview a while ago and his wife talked about how she grew up in a two parent home and he didn’t. That didn’t make her better than him, it didn’t make her beliefs necessarily right, but I’m sure it caused problems in the way that they functioned as boyfriend/girlfriend and now spouses. They both learned different things, some right and some wrong, but they couldn’t come to the relationship thinking all that they know was the best way. They had to sit down and analyze what practices that he learned from his mother and what she learned from both parents and compromise to see what would work best for their family. They wouldn’t be able to do this if they didn’t humble themselves (the opposite of pride) to compromise. That’s the reason a lot of relationships fail. Either one person or both refuse to recognize their own selfishness. Relationships require dying to yourself. Selfishness is a result of pride. We criticize people without even trying to understand their reasoning. And though this won’t justify their behavior it will help us understand and have patience to correct it. I know we talk about looking for red flags in dating, but I’ve come to think about that term. When you say you see red flags in a person you’re dating, to me you’re essentially saying that they should be discarded from the pool of potential marriage partners. They aren’t fit to marry at all. I think that red flags are real, but not what we’ve become accustomed to assuming as them. A selfish mindset and unwillingness to grow are red flags that we don’t hear mentioned often. Many things are more relatable to yellow flags. Take time to slow down and proceed with caution, or prepare to come to a complete stop. We focus to much on actions, but not the heart. It’s like me teaching a child how to do algebraic problems and they get them wrong. Or if I look at their test scores from the previous year and assume that low scores makes them unteachable. If I show them what they’re doing incorrectly and they make corrections then this child can become a productive student. But if that child refuses to listen then I can say that’s a terrible student. What if your boss knew of all the times you were late to your old job and turned in assignments late in college, but refused to give you a second chance? It’s crazy how God gives us so much grace but we rarely want to give it to others. You can hold people’s past against them if you focus too much on that and not what they’re doing now. Pride causes you to think so highly of your successes and so negatively of others’ shortcomings. Communication, patience, and understanding is key. A lot of the time we don’t take into account the experiences of the person. A woman who has been sexually assaulted may not open up to a man easily, a man who grew up fatherless may not take on responsibility well, a woman may not respect leadership if she hasn’t been with a man who displayed it well. Does this make them unlovable? No unless they’re too prideful to change. Even that doesn’t make them unlovable, but the point is you can’t grow in a relationship with someone like that. Ask God to reveal people’s heart to you. Pride is not from God. If a person doesn’t have humility and can admit that they are flawed then that’s a dangerous person to be around. We must recognize our shortcomings and address them. And we have to be open to receiving correction. That’s the only way that we can change. Conflict is inevitable in all human relationships, but those who address them humbly will grow. Pride and love cannot coexist.

Some things only have one way, like remaining celibate until marriage or a man being the head of the household. The Bible is so unclear on many things, but pride will tell us it’s our way or the highway. Humility means not thinking too highly of ourselves and filling our minds and hearts up with pride. It allows us to put other people first, but it does not mean being weak. Being humble isn’t about being easily manipulated, but it shows that you aren’t perfect. There are some things that you should be 100% confident about (things the Bible clearly states) but others you should be open minded and willing to view it from another perspective.

Chances are good that most of us do not see pride in our lives. For while it is easy to see pride in others, it is very difficult to see it in ourselves. C.S. Lewis observed that “there is no fault which makes a man more unpopular and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it in ourselves, the more we dislike it in others.” But he does suggest a couple of ways to detect its presence. First, Lewis quoted William Law from chapter fifteen of A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life “there can be no surer proof of a confirmed pride than a belief that one is sufficiently humble.” Also, “if you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask your self, ‘How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or shove their oar in, or patronise me, or show off?” Because it is so tricky to recognize, we are perhaps best off to earnestly seek God in prayer and ask him to reveal to us any sinful pride in our lives so we can repent and forsake it. Another step we might take is to ask those who live or work with us if they see significant expressions of sinful pride or arrogance in our life.

There is, of course, a good type of pride. Paul, for example, was proud of the churches he had established. But this was not arrogant or self-exalting pride. He made clear that his accomplishments were the fruit of God’s grace to him and through him (Rom. 15:17–19). Occasionally Paul mentions boasting, but this is a matter of highlighting what God has done by his grace, either through Paul or in those in the churches. It is never self-exalting. These days most of us will say that we are proud of our children or our favorite sports team or perhaps something we have accomplished. In cases like this, we are (one hopes) saying that we are really pleased about something good and are not engaging in the sinful type of pride and arrogance the Bible condemns. Then there is the bad type of pride: pride in what you have and pride in what you know or think you do. We’ve all been teenagers and thought we knew everything. Our parents would tell us something and we didn’t listen then when things didn’t turn out how we planned we got upset. Both types will humble you. Taking pride in your work and being proud of yourself can be different. It was through Pride that the devil became the devil. Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind. Pride is essentially the main cause of misery in every nation and every family since the world began. It’s the cause of all sin. We can see pride in one’s actions or thought in Luke 18:9–14. We can learn a lesson from the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector. It is aimed at those “who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt.”

An interesting story on pride that I thought of was King David being punished for giving a census . Because he did this to determine HIS power and to trust in it, it offended God. Of itself, taking a census is not unlawful. The primary reason in the Old Testament for taking a census was to know the size of a nation's army and its ability to win wars against other people (Numbers 1:1-4, see also verse 19)! It was SATAN that moved David to disobey God ( 2 Samuel 24:1). David seems to have been prompted by a feeling of pride and ambitious curiosity. Because he did this to determine HIS power and to trust in it, it offended God. Looking at the scriptures we can know that there is an evil intent by their content. Anytime Satan is involved you can be sure he intends to get someone to sin! He put the thought in David's mind that if he knew the number of young men under his rule (meaning those fit for war) he could brag or boast how great a king he was - by the size of his army! Joab, commander of David's army, tried to warn him to NOT number Israel and bring an occasion of punishment to the nation (1Chronicles 21:2 - 3). In Hebrew, the word "sin" is often used synonymously with the punishment of sin. In the course of Providence, the people frequently suffer for the misconduct of their rulers.

Easton's Illustrated Bible Dictionary also has some interesting comments regarding this incident with King David. It states that David acted out of pride and a desire to glorify himself. He had come to the point in his life where he was relying far more on his own strength and that of his army rather than on God.

Pride is a universal human problem. Everyone suffers from it to some degree. When we have exalted ourselves in pride, God does not want to punish us and bring us low but rather to forgive and restore us. He says again and again in Scripture, humble yourselves, and I will exalt you. This gives us hope and encouragement. God takes pleasure in our efforts to humble ourselves, and he loves to bless and exalt the humble. For just as pride is the root of all sin, so “humility is the root, mother, nurse, foundation, and bond of all virtue,” as John Chrysostom once remarked.

Admittedly, humility and the humbling of oneself is out of fashion in today’s world and seems unappealing to most of us. We must view humility as one of the most essential things that characterizes true Christianity. Our perspective on humility can be radically changed if we will ponder and meditate on the greatest example of humility in history: Jesus Christ. By the very act of leaving heaven, coming to earth, and taking the form of man, he demonstrated an unfathomable humbling of himself. Throughout his life on earth, Jesus demonstrated a spirit of profound humility, saying that he came “not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matt. 20:28). On his last night with the disciples, he took a towel and basin and washed their dirty feet (John 13:1–11), instructing them to follow his example of servanthood with one another (John 13:12–17). How do we gain the mind of Christ and humble ourselves? To put on the mind of Christ, we will need to make a firm decision to ponder, understand, and adopt Jesus’ way of thinking; his values and attitudes must become ours. His strong emphasis on humility and meekness and his example of it must take hold of our thinking, our desires and our conduct. We must admire his humility and want it for ourselves. For this to happen, we need to earnestly and regularly pray for the Holy Spirit to change our hearts, for it is impossible to do it in our own strength. We will also need to understand what Jesus meant when he called men and women to humble themselves. We discover that from the Greek word Jesus and the apostles used, tapeinos, which conveys the idea of having a right view of ourselves before God and others. If pride is an exalted sense of who we are in relation to God and others, humility is having a realistic sense of who we are before God and others. We must not think too highly (or too lowly) of ourselves. Rather, we must be honest and realistic about who and what we are. What is a right view of ourselves? Specifics will vary from person to person, but certain things are common to us all. We are God’s creatures: small, finite, dependent, limited in intelligence and ability, prone to sin, and soon to die and face God’s judgment (Heb. 9:27). But we are also God’s children: created, loved, and redeemed by God’s grace alone, not by anything in or of ourselves; and gifted by God with certain unique gifts, abilities, resources, and advantages, which are to be used for his glory. Truly, humility is our greatest friend. It increases our hunger for God’s word and opens our hearts to his Spirit. It leads to intimacy with God, who knows the proud from afar, but dwells with him “who is of a contrite and lowly spirit” (Isa. 57:15). It imparts the aroma of Christ to all whom we encounter. It is a sign of greatness in the kingdom of God (Luke 22:24–27).

Developing the identity, attitude, and conduct of a humble servant does not happen over night. It is rather like peeling an onion: you cut away one layer only to find another beneath it. But it does happen. As we forsake pride and seek to humble ourselves by daily deliberate choices in dependence on the Holy Spirit, humility grows in our souls. Fenelon said it well, “Humility is not a grace that can be acquired in a few months: it is the work of a lifetime.” And it is a grace that is precious in the sight of God, who in due course will exalt all who embrace it.

This is a great article that I feel goes along with this blog: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/nine-words-for-every-marriage

Are You Thinking Too Big?

   What is it that you want to accomplish in life? What are you going to sacrifice to do it? How committed are you going to be to getting it done? Many times I think that we think too big when it comes to our goals, purpose, and desires. Contrary to what we believe, sometimes less is better.

   I can recall so many conversations that myself and others have had about wanting to be doctors, lawyers, business owners, etc. We want all the homes and cars that money can buy. In addition to that we want to get married and have children, well most of us. These are some of the biggest goals that we have. But the thing that I’ve come to learn about goals is that they take lots of work to achieve and lots of work to maintain. I want to be married, have children, and achieve many career accomplishments, but I pray that God makes me a great husband, father, and person even if I never own the business that I want, drive the $80,000 truck that I want, and own all the land that I want. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with working to become a millionaire but don’t let your family suffer because of it. The Bible tells us that our family is our first ministry, so we should take that as our top priority. That’s not just our blood relatives, but our family in Christ. Even if you don’t have a spouse or children, there’s someone’s life that you’re able to pour into in this huge world. Even though I’m not married, I can tell you that being a husband is a full time job, let alone being a parent. Then you add in working hard on our job to get that next promotion, going to school for that next degree, or managing our own business, it’s easy for something to get neglected. Many times we want to be world conquerors while failing to realize that a small village needs to be built first. Lots of work goes into being that village as well. What good is it if we become a millionaire and our spouse leaves us because we neglected to spend time with them, or if we get that doctorate degree and we never got to attend one of our children’s basketball games, or if we donate to several charities and couldn’t even help our struggling relatives? I never want to be successful in my career if it will come at the expense of my family.

   I don’t know if you’re like me, but I look at other people around me and pick up on things that I can do for my wife or children. Not to say that my parents are bad or that they neglected me, but there are so many things that I’m still learning that I wish I could’ve learned years ago. The one thing that I can do about it now is make sure that I teach my children early. The most important and valuable things in life are not always obvious to us. For example, both we and our children need to be taught from the Bible just how amazing marriage really is. Most children know a lot of married people — their parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, or teachers. To them, marriage doesn’t seem amazing. They do not know that it is a wonder of the gospel. Our kids will learn about love, sex, and marriage from someone. We have an opportunity to teach them before the world does. Our world says that marriage is something we invented for ourselves. So, we can reinvent it in any way we want. And, indeed, our world is doing just that. It is aggressively saturating our children with a new and unbiblical vision of marriage and sexuality and human flourishing. Families with different parental arrangements and interchangeable roles and titles cause confusion in our children. Your children need to hear God’s definition of marriage from you — one man and one woman giving all of themselves to each other for their whole lives (Matthew 19:4–6). That’s why a married couple shares everything. They share their hearts, their name, their home — even their bodies. Explain why Daddy and Mommy kiss and hold each other. Talk about divorce in the most tender of terms. When sin hardens our hearts (Mark 10:2–5), we can hurt the ones we are supposed to love the most. This matters because a biblical marriage shows the world a tiny picture of the Big Romance — the one between Christ and his church in love together. Teach your children about money, introduce them to a variety of different careers, teach them things that they won’t learn in school. You are their first teacher and you should be one throughout their life. I think back to one of my favorite books in the Bible, Proverbs, and how the author is in the role of a parent talking to their child. This is how you give someone wisdom, you teach them principles that they can apply to life even when you aren’t there to talk them through the situation. And as I’ve grown up I have found that there are a ton of things that I’m still unprepared for, but using discernment I have been able to navigate through them. Teach them the Bible, but know that the Bible is practical for daily use. They’ll appreciate it someday. They need to learn about paying taxes, setting a budget, being resourceful when it comes to repairing things, business etiquette, work ethic, etc. Does this seem like a lot? It sure is to me and I’m not even done yet.

   Think about how large a commitment that marriage is. I’m not married and I don’t proclaim to be some marriage guru, but I do have the wisdom and knowledge that God has given me through His Word. To love a person like Christ loved the Church takes extreme sacrifice, patience, kindness, forgiveness (all the things that love is). Are you ready for all of that? I’m talking about late night runs to the store to pick up medicine, having to rush to their aid when their car is broke down and you have a meeting at work, postponing a dream of yours for the good of the marriage. This is no small task, but many spouses will spend their money foolishly, spend all their time with the frat brothers/sorors, or take on so many work obligations that they never have time for their spouse. Remember none of these things are wrong, but remember one thing from this article if you don’t remember anything else: PRIORITIES. Who’s going to be there when you leave that job in 5, 10, or 20 years? Who’s going to be there when you lose a parent or loved one? Who’ll be their when you’re sick or going through bad times? Since marriage is a lifelong commitment the answer should be your spouse, so don’t neglect someone and count on them to be there when you need them but you couldn’t be there when they needed you. Make sure you have those intimate talks with your spouse about your failings, your purpose, and what you can do to grow closer to each other and to God. Even if you need to schedule time to do this, make sure that it’s done. I believe in the old saying that we make time for what’s important. If your marriage is important to you, you will work to make sure that it grows, not just goes through the motions of the past.

   Many people feel like they need to move to a new city to accomplish more or become a better person, but are you running from work and running to a distraction? I’ve found some of the best moments for growing and self reflection is when I’ve been alone. You can’t always follow the crowd or do what everyone else is doing. Let God lead you. We want to change the world, but we haven’t done anything to even change our community. Sometimes your environment requires you to relocate, and sometimes you have to change your environment. I can remember wanting to have buildings named after me and feeling like I need a certain amount of money to make a change, but God showed me that making a difference starts with the work done within. All the fancy buildings and notoriety means nothing if the people around me aren’t changed from within. Am I instilling anything inside of them that will make them a better person, child, parent, or friend? These things are what matter most. So if you’re like the majority of us, you’ll never have your name on buildings, be known across the world, or be wealthy, but you can be well known in God’s eyes by the work that you can contribute to the growth of someone’s soul.

   Last but not least, don’t minimize the importance of being the best person that you can be. The Bible doesn’t guarantee that we’ll all get married or have children, but if you’re here on this earth you know that He promised us that you will prosper and gave you plans for hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Strive to be the best person that you can be. Make that one of your top goals in life. This requires constant prayer, sacrifice, and God’s grace. You will fall short if you count your mistakes, but God’s grace is sufficient and His forgiveness is constant. Seek His forgiveness and repent from your sin. God will see your dedication and reward you for it in due time. Work to have a heart like Christ’s everyday. Show the fruits of the spirit, love, forgive, commit to Him, and rely on Him daily to help you navigate through this life.

   This post is in no way saying to have no ambition towards accomplishing things in your career or school, but make sure that you give precedence to what’s the most important. Everyday we see marriages that could’ve lasted or could be better if someone showed more commitment to it, children who grow up with so many identity issues because of what they endured as a child, and people who are famous and have all the money in the world but they have the ugliest hearts. Not even just with marriages and children, but we should strive to be far better people than what our careers could ever suggest. Don’t mistreat people just to climb your way up the corporate ladder. What if you end up not even liking the job, but those very people you mistreated won’t easily forget how you treated them. Life has a way of humbling you down. Even if you don’t have to mistreat anyone or do anything unethical, you should still strive to be recognized for far more than your skillset. “According to the New Testament, the family of God—not marriage—is the primary community in which spiritual growth occurs. Among the early Christians, marriage and singleness were both subordinated to the overarching model of the church as a family and to an overarching passion to accept the Great Commission and win the world for Christ.” We must not neglect the main reason that we are here, to love God and others. When we neglect the responsibility and commitment that we should have to them, we’re doing a huge disservice to everyone. Peace and blessings.