It’s funny how something that we’re taught as children and something that seems so simple gets harder to do as we get older. As a child, if we stepped on someone's foot our parents would be there to tell us to say excuse me. Or if we hit one of our siblings then our parents would tell us to apologize. This was so easy to do then, but as I got older pride and self-righteousness began to step in the way of admitting wrongdoing. Refusing to apologize has been known to ruin relationships and create bitterness in people’s hearts. Family members will go years without speaking to one another, simply because neither side wants to let go of their pride and break down and apologize. Marriages end because husband or wife act selfishly and fail to change. I don’t believe apologies should be automatic always. If we automatically apologize we may not be apologizing from the heart. It can be truly meaningful if we apologize from the heart. We can’t genuinely apologize if we can’t admit to ourselves that we made a mistake.
Recently I had an ex contact me from years ago. This was someone who hurt me a great deal and here she was, so many years later coming to me apologizing for the hurt that she had caused me. I didn’t realize how much an apology from her would mean. I had been harboring pain in my heart for years because of what happened between us. In many ways I feel like it held me back in my relationships afterwards. As Christians we should do all we can to seek forgiveness whether or not that person accepts it or not. Our job is to try to make amends. We can’t control the actions of the other person. I know that I have hurt people in the past, and sometimes months and even years went by but what I did stayed on my mind. I went to that person with a sincere apology. Sometimes it takes a while to realize how wrong we are in a situation. Once we do, we should go to that person. Many people will argue that you don’t owe that person an apology, especially if it’s an ex who went on to get married or is doing great in life. However, that person could still be harboring bitterness towards you or dealing with unforgiveness in their heart towards you. If a person goes to God for forgiveness then that’s great, but God put us in community with people, so it’s our responsibility to show love to one another. “If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? ~ 1 John 4:20” While I wouldn’t go as far to say that not asking for forgiveness means you hate that person, but it doesn’t show love neither. By opening your heart to admit wrongdoing pleases God even if it doesn’t satisfy the other person. It shows humility and meekness. This is often so hard to do. Can we look ourselves in the mirror and admit that maybe this was at least partly my fault? Will we allow ourselves to shoulder that responsibility? I think that this is the biggest benefit of apologizing. It takes away pride and admits that we’re not perfect. “Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. ~ Proverbs 16:18. So is your pride really worth you losing that friendship, missing out on that promotion, or “winning” at the expense of hurting someone.
Another thing that apologizing does is help the offended heal. Learning to apologize can be a huge step in the healing process. It’s so weird that the shortest phrases can be the most powerful. The same effect that the words “I love you” can have, so can “I’m sorry”. This lets a person know that you recognize their pain and are willing to help them heal. Timing is key with apologies also. Some time may need to past before the person is truly ready to forgive you. Apologies can’t reverse what has been done, but it can help ease the pain of the hurt. It gives hope for rebuilding, and places value on the relationship rather than the individual’s pride. In many cases the relationship may not be restored, but by apologizing it values that person’s healing over your pride. On the other side, we can't make someone give us an apology. In these situations, it's best to pray for them and pray for yourself. Ask God to heal your heart. Forgive that person as Christ has forgiven you. I think about what Jesus said in Luke 23:34, "Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing." And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice." That person may not be aware or care how much pain they have caused you, however we're still called to forgive them. Jesus forgave those who nailed Him to the cross. Here in the most unjust situation in history, forgiveness was extended without limit. If Christ forgave in this way from the cross, no sin we've committed is too great for His forgiveness. As we experience His forgiveness, we are freed to forgive those who have sinned against us. Christ enables us to release the bitterness and resentment, which can only imprison us. His forgiveness empowers us to be forgiving people- forgiving ourselves as well as those who have hurt us.
Sometimes people don’t even realize the hurt they are creating around them by failing to take responsibility for their actions. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s someone you know, but everyone knows someone who has suffered from this at some time. Now is the time to make a change. I'm sorry: often times those two simple words are worth more than a lifetime of excuses and explanations. That's when it comes from a sincere and pure heart. Choose the path of humility. Choose the path of healing. Choose love above pride. Choose to apologize. I love you all and I hope that this post is a blessing to all who read it.
“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God." ~ Matthew 5: 23-24
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