Recently I had a conversation with someone about the whole R. Kelly situation. He made the argument that young girls were just R. Kelly’s preference and that there’s nothing wrong with it. People like what they like. He also made the argument that many of our grandfathers married our grandmothers when they were extremely young. But living with this mindset, where do you draw the line? Everything that we like isn’t right. And no one can convince me that lusting after anyone for that matter, but especially young girls is right. And just because people did things in the past, that didn’t make them right then or now.
While I don’t necessarily agree with it, I can see where it can be looked at from a different perspective. My personal beliefs are that you should date someone close to your age. That way you two can have something in common. That person should have shared some of the same life experiences as you. What can you possibly talk to someone about who’s never paid bills, bought a car, signed up for a 401K, and reached other important milestones that you have? The young person will be excited about accomplishing things like this while the older person won’t be as enthusiastic because they’ve already achieved these things. Conversely, an older person may be more focused on establishing themselves financially and spiritually while the younger person may still be trying to figure life out. A person doesn’t have to be exactly where you are, but they should be close to the level that you’re on. And although there are some very mature teenagers, this is still no excuse to prey on them. I’m sure we can all think back to when we were teenagers, and if that was at least 5-10 years ago I’m pretty sure we can all speak of how different our mindset is now. With age comes wisdom, so why would you want to date someone who’s not as mature as you are now? That just seems crazy!!! I guess he was right with “Your body’s calling” because I can’t see anything he was looking for in their mind. I can’t see anything that a 27 year old can have in common with a 15 year old. R. Kelly was lusting after these girls, not trying to establish anything based on love.
On the other hand, I can see a relationship like that working. It was brought to the public’s attention that Jay Z was 33 and Beyonce was 18 when they begin dating, P. Diddy was 24 and his baby’s mother was 16 when they had their first child. While I don’t agree with this big of an age gap, I don’t see it in the same lens as R. Kelly’s mess. It’s one thing to just meet someone younger or older and fall in love with them, and it’s a completely different thing to only prey on young girls. That’s pretty sick to me. Even if the parents cosigned on it that’s still pretty sick. How can you let someone that old date your daughter or son? It would be hard enough for me to let another 15 year old date my child, let alone someone almost twice her age.
The Bible rarely gives us age examples in regards to marriage. We do know that Abraham was 10 years older than Sarah. The Bible tells us, “Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed and said to himself, ‘Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?’” (Genesis 17:17). While we are given this example, there are no other examples in the Bible where both individuals’ ages are given. It is often assumed that Joseph was significantly older than Mary. However, there is absolutely nothing in the Bible that indicates this. It can also be inferred that Boaz and Ruth had a significant age difference in today’s world standards.
“Then he (Boaz) said, ‘May you be blessed of the LORD, my daughter. You have shown your last kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich” (Ruth 3:10). In searching the Bible for documented marriages, we don’t find any that can sway us into an accurate direction or give us an idea as to what God may be leading us to. While the Bible doesn’t explicitly give guidelines when dating with an age difference, there are a few things you should consider:
Before you begin a relationship with someone who is much older or younger than you, it’s important to make a careful assessment of your motivations. Love knows no age, but if you date only people who are members of a different generation, it might reveal something about your approach to relationships. While people who date only people much younger or older than them owe no one an explanation, it may be helpful to know the underlying reason.
Some who date only much older people may be seeking a parental figure more than a romantic partner. They may be insecure about finances and because of that want to be with someone established in his or her career. If you have a history of dating people who are significantly younger than you, you may feel like your partner admires your experience, or perhaps you’re just not physically attracted to other people your age. A significant age difference doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong, but a long-standing pattern may be worth examining.
I believe that the biggest reason that many people see the difference in R. Kelly and Jay Z and P. Diddy is because of intentions and motivations behind it. Clearly R, Kelly wasn’t looking for love or marriage. R. Kelly not only preyed on young girls but also abused them physically and mentally. His intentions weren’t and still aren’t to care or love them, but to abuse and mistreat them. While I don’t condone any of their behavior, no one can say that all their situations were the same. One of the biggest stigmas in the world is that counseling isn’t important, but I believe that all of us can benefit from counseling. After watching the Surviving R. Kelly series, we learned that R. Kelly was molested as a child. I feel like he stated this as a way to justify his treatment towards these girls, but that’s a poor excuse. Obviously he recognized that what happened to him was wrong, and he just continued the cycle instead of stopping it. If we all just went around hurting others because we’ve been hurt, there would be so much chaos in the world. I do hope that R. Kelly is sent to prison, but prison alone won’t help him. His mind needs help and I hope that he can talk to someone that will get him to change his behavior, because everything we prefer isn’t something that we should go after. Because I believe that age is more than just a number.
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