Why Apologies Matter

   It’s funny how something that we’re taught as children and something that seems so simple gets harder to do as we get older. As a child, if we stepped on someone's foot our parents would be there to tell us to say excuse me. Or if we hit one of our siblings then our parents would tell us to apologize. This was so easy to do then, but as I got older pride and self-righteousness began to step in the way of admitting wrongdoing. Refusing to apologize has been known to ruin relationships and create bitterness in people’s hearts. Family members will go years without speaking to one another, simply because neither side wants to let go of their pride and break down and apologize. Marriages end because husband or wife act selfishly and fail to change. I don’t believe apologies should be automatic always. If we automatically apologize we may not be apologizing from the heart. It can be truly meaningful if we apologize from the heart. We can’t genuinely apologize if we can’t admit to ourselves that we made a mistake.

   Recently I had an ex contact me from years ago. This was someone who hurt me a great deal and here she was, so many years later coming to me apologizing for the hurt that she had caused me. I didn’t realize how much an apology from her would mean. I had been harboring pain in my heart for years because of what happened between us. In many ways I feel like it held me back in my relationships afterwards. As Christians we should do all we can to seek forgiveness whether or not that person accepts it or not. Our job is to try to make amends. We can’t control the actions of the other person. I know that I have hurt people in the past, and sometimes months and even years went by but what I did stayed on my mind. I went to that person with a sincere apology. Sometimes it takes a while to realize how wrong we are in a situation. Once we do, we should go to that person. Many people will argue that you don’t owe that person an apology, especially if it’s an ex who went on to get married or is doing great in life. However, that person could still be harboring bitterness towards you or dealing with unforgiveness in their heart towards you. If a person goes to God for forgiveness then that’s great, but God put us in community with people, so it’s our responsibility to show love to one another. “If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? ~ 1 John 4:20” While I wouldn’t go as far to say that not asking for forgiveness means you hate that person, but it doesn’t show love neither. By opening your heart to admit wrongdoing pleases God even if it doesn’t satisfy the other person. It shows humility and meekness. This is often so hard to do. Can we look ourselves in the mirror and admit that maybe this was at least partly my fault? Will we allow ourselves to shoulder that responsibility? I think that this is the biggest benefit of apologizing. It takes away pride and admits that we’re not perfect. “Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. ~ Proverbs 16:18. So is your pride really worth you losing that friendship, missing out on that promotion, or “winning” at the expense of hurting someone.

   Another thing that apologizing does is help the offended heal. Learning to apologize can be a huge step in the healing process. It’s so weird that the shortest phrases can be the most powerful. The same effect that the words “I love you” can have, so can “I’m sorry”. This lets a person know that you recognize their pain and are willing to help them heal. Timing is key with apologies also. Some time may need to past before the person is truly ready to forgive you. Apologies can’t reverse what has been done, but it can help ease the pain of the hurt. It gives hope for rebuilding, and places value on the relationship rather than the individual’s pride. In many cases the relationship may not be restored, but by apologizing it values that person’s healing over your pride. On the other side, we can't make someone give us an apology. In these situations, it's best to pray for them and pray for yourself. Ask God to heal your heart. Forgive that person as Christ has forgiven you. I think about what Jesus said in Luke 23:34, "Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing." And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice." That person may not be aware or care how much pain they have caused you, however we're still called to forgive them. Jesus forgave those who nailed Him to the cross. Here in the most unjust situation in history, forgiveness was extended without limit. If Christ forgave in this way from the cross, no sin we've committed is too great for His forgiveness. As we experience His forgiveness, we are freed to forgive those who have sinned against us. Christ enables us to release the bitterness and resentment, which can only imprison us. His forgiveness empowers us to be forgiving people- forgiving ourselves as well as those who have hurt us.

   Sometimes people don’t even realize the hurt they are creating around them by failing to take responsibility for their actions. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s someone you know, but everyone knows someone who has suffered from this at some time. Now is the time to make a change. I'm sorry: often times those two simple words are worth more than a lifetime of excuses and explanations. That's when it comes from a sincere and pure heart. Choose the path of humility. Choose the path of healing. Choose love above pride. Choose to apologize. I love you all and I hope that this post is a blessing to all who read it.

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God." ~ Matthew 5: 23-24

Hearing God's Voice

Hearing God's Voice

   Many times people pray about a situation and feel like they have a hard time hearing God's voice. How do we know what we "think" is God? When you study the Bible, you'll discover what millions of people have found throughout the centuries. You're reading the Word of the living God. In times past, He spoke to His special servants audibly, in visions, in dreams; now His main method of revelation to all humanity is His written word. The Holy Spirit directed forty holy men of God, living on three continents, to write His words into sixty-six books. These writings were preserved and collected into the single volume we know as the Bible. Though people wrote it, the Bible itself says God was its ultimate source. In 2 Timothy 3:16, we read, "All scripture is given by inspiration of God," which literally means it was breathed out by God. Isaiah 55:11 tells us, “So is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” The Bible is God’s Word, everything we need to know in order to be saved and live the Christian life. Second Peter 1:3 declares, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”

   God can also “speak” to us through events. He can guide us through arranging our circumstances. And God helps us to discern right from wrong through our consciences (1 Timothy 1:5;1 Peter 3:16). God is in the process of conforming our minds to think His thoughts (Romans 12:2). God allows events to occur in our lives to direct us, change us, and help us to grow spiritually (James 1:2–5;Hebrews 12:5–11). First Peter 1:6–7reminds us, “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

   God may sometimes speak audibly to people. It is highly doubtful, though, that this occurs as often as some people claim it does. Many times we say that we prayed about something. I know for myself that oftentimes the decision I make after the prayer is what I was leaning towards doing before I prayed. Again, even in the Bible, God speaking audibly is the exception, not the ordinary. If anyone claims that God has spoken to him or her, always compare what is said with what the Bible says. If God were to speak today, His words would be in full agreement with what He has said in the Bible (2 Timothy 3:16–17). God does not contradict Himself. When we need an answer to a problem, the best thing to do is pray and spend time reading His Word. When we have been reading His word He will call into remembrance a verse that will help guide us. This is primarily the way that God speaks to us. He uses the words that He inspired men to write thousands of years to go to guide us now until the end of time.

   The New Testament gives several descriptive titles to the Bible: the Word of God, the oracles of God, the Word of Christ, the holy scriptures, the holy scriptures, the word of truth, and the word of life. In studying the Bible, we're learning God's Word, holy and true, which contains the knowledge of eternal life. Many times in life people are looking for a sign, a sign on whether this person would make a good spouse, a sign on whether to take a new job, a sign on whether to do something. I believe that God gave us most of the signs that we need in His Word. Anything that God will agree to will be supported by scripture. Once again, God doesn't contradict himself. I also would like to point out something that I was made aware to me in one of my theology classes. In the Bible, everything that God inspired men to write can be equated to the relationship of a Father and son or the relationship of husband and wife. So either God is commanding us to do things as a father speaking to a son (man and woman) or He is showing us how to conduct ourselves in a marital relationship. In the book of Proverbs, we're given a bunch of general truths to follow. This relationship in Proverbs is the relationship between father and son. God is telling us all of the proverbs that will help us through life. God isn't physically among us, but He's always close to us in spirit and what keeps Him close is connecting to Him through His Word. I say all of that to say that God gave us His Word to speak to us and give us the wisdom that we need. Even though we need to speak to God about problems that arise,  there are some things that we don't need to pray about. We should already know what the answer is based on what God has told us already. In Exodus 14:15, Moses stopped to pray to God while He was being chased by Pharaoh. God told Moses to stop praying and get to moving! Prayer must have a vital place in our lives, but there is also a place for action. Sometimes we know what to do, but we pray for more guidance as an excuse to postpone doing it. If we know what we should do, then is it time to get moving. If you have a friend that wants you to help them steal something, would you pray about it or tell them no? We already know that stealing is a sin, so it would be a waste of time to pray about something that God clearly prohibits. So I encourage the readers of this post to spend time with God so that we can reference His Word when we need answers to problems that occur in our life. I pray that this message helps you and is a blessing to your heart and mind. I pray that we continually seek His will for our lives and allow it to guide the choices that we make. I pray that we never stop seeking His wisdom and never turn our eyes from His voice (His Word). God will always guide us in the right direction if we just trust Him to be the wise father that He is. I hope that I've encouraged you to spend more time with Him to get the answer to that question that you've been thinking about for so long.