Being Broken: The Pain of a Broken Heart

     Like many of you, one of the most painful experiences in my life was being heart broken, being left feeling completely empty. Getting your heart broken can damage you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not many people know this about me but I was in a very dark place after the girl that I love left me. I cried many nights, tried to kill myself, and I just lost all enjoyment with life. Pretending to be happy from day to day got harder and harder. We sometimes can love someone so much that we ignore the signs that God gives us but we think that we can plan our own life. When you have to compromise your standards to be with a person, you should have the strength to walk away. It's easier said than done, but it'll save a lot of heartbreak.
     I learned a lot from this relationship. This person hurt me so deeply, but I thank God that I was able to find the blessing in goodbye. This girl meant the world to me. Our relationship ended with her just walking away like I never meant anything to her. I don't understand how can someone promise you the world one day and wake up the next like they never knew you. From the moment we met we told each other how happy we were to have each other, how much we loved each other, and how we'd work through anything to reach our goal of getting married. I was a virgin when we met and I told her that I wanted to wait until marriage but she pressured me into having sex. That was a sign from God that I ignored but I let my love for her overrule what I knew to be right. Most people speak of girls cherishing their purity, but I as a man cherished mine also. That was a special part of me. It was a gift that I wanted only my wife to have, I wanted her to feel special. That's a decision that I have so many regrets about. She pressured me to have sex so as our relationship continued we kept having sex. I felt so special, so loved. I'd always write her poems and buy her things to let her know that my love was real. As our relationship continued she grew more distant from me as I grew closer to her. We broke up and although I fought to keep the relationship she showed no effort but she said that she loved me. I ended up only hurting myself more by asking her why wouldn't she try with me and finding out she had another boyfriend not long after we broke up. She got engaged a couple months later and that just made me feel like I was the lowest thing on the earth.
     So many days I felt broken, lonely, and depressed. I tried to kill myself. I know most people that know me will find that strange, but that's the sad reality. It's painful to lose someone you gave your heart and soul to and I didn't know how to deal with it. Questions used to fill my head such as: "Why wasn't I good enough?', "Why didn't she give any effort?", or "I should've did this or that". But what I learned is that the sad reality is that I should've never began this relationship. Sure it was a learning experience but you should never have to be with someone who makes you compromise your principles. Take time to get to know a person and what they really stand for. Sometimes we fail to wait on God and let our emotions cloud our judgement. Oftentimes the signs were there all along but we ignored them. We find one thing that we like about a person but ignore five things that tell us that this person isn't the one. Although heart break hurts it is a blessing. The sooner in a relationship it happens may be the better.  God has to end relationships for our own protection. This breakup had purpose as I'm sure everyone's does. God knew that the heartbreak would lead me back to him. I talked to counselors, family, and friends, but the pain and brokenness remained. Not until I began to read my Bible did I see the blessing in the pain. I am in no way claiming to be a perfect person. I still make mistakes, but I'd like to share what I learned from this experience.

1. Don't force a relationship. Have your standards and don't lower them for anyone. Sure a person may be charming but make sure you're on the same level mentally, physically, and spiritually before you invest your heart. I speak from a Christian viewpoint so I look to Romans 12:2. If they claim to be a Christian but want to use worldly standards in the relationship you should ask God to give you the strength to walk away from that. The Bible is to be accepted, not debated or subtracted from. If something is from God you won't have to compromise in any shape or form that isn't pleasing to God.

2. STOP having sex. If you haven't I hope you can remain that way. It's easier said than done but I hope this is something you will pray about. Giving yourself to people who haven't committed to you (marriage) will only leave you with regret. Sex is more than a physical act. It connects your soul to a person. It forms a bond. That's what is meant by the term "one flesh" in the Bible (Mark 10:8). Every person you have sex with gets a piece of your soul. You and your future spouse should have something to look forward to. You're worth being honored in marriage.

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. ~ 1 Corinthians 6:16-20

3. I never knew how much words meant until I loved someone. When you love someone their words whether good or bad, mean so much to you. Love is a powerful word and so many people abuse it. If you don't love someone don't say that you do and make sure you know what love is yourself. A person that hurts, lies, and mistreats you doesn't truly love you. Lying hurts other people as much as physical pain. This causes some of us to have trust issues and can affect your self-esteem. Speaking from my experience that's the damage that it caused me. A broken promise means a broken trust and relationship. Trust and respect as well as one's honor is the basis of our relationship with God. He expects us to keep our word to others as well.

4. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. ~ 1 Corinthians 7:6-8

Being single is a gift. There's a purpose to being single. Don't spend your singleness searching for a mate or feeling lonely. It's the perfect time to better yourself and serve God in a capacity that a married person can't. You can be more dedicated to Christ than a married person can. Be content in your singleness.

5. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. ~ Matthew 6:14-15

One of the most important things that I learned is forgiveness. I was so angry. I wondered how could someone say they care for me but hurt me at the same time. Then I looked at my relationship with God. I sin daily and hurt Him but He forgives me constantly. We have to be the same way. Even though that person may not be sorry we have to forgive. Forgiveness helps the victim more than the accused. Bitterness will build up in your heart and make it hard for you to be open to love. It will cause your heart to become hardened and keep you from being at peace and moving on.

I'm not an expert on life and I don't know it all but I hope that this helps someone. We are put here to help encourage and build up one another. I hope that my story touches your heart and helps you. If you have been hurt or are going through a storm I want you to know that you are worth more than the broken promises, lies, and pain. Joel 2:25 says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." God will fully restore you.Your heart is valuable. The pain you endured had a purpose. Use it to grow. God loves you. Be blessed.