Like many of you, one of the most painful experiences in my life was being heart broken, being left feeling completely empty. Getting your heart broken can damage you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not many people know this about me but I was in a very dark place after the girl that I love left me. I cried many nights, tried to kill myself, and I just lost all enjoyment with life. Pretending to be happy from day to day got harder and harder. We sometimes can love someone so much that we ignore the signs that God gives us but we think that we can plan our own life. When you have to compromise your standards to be with a person, you should have the strength to walk away. It's easier said than done, but it'll save a lot of heartbreak.
I learned a lot from this relationship. This person hurt me so deeply, but I thank God that I was able to find the blessing in goodbye. This girl meant the world to me. Our relationship ended with her just walking away like I never meant anything to her. I don't understand how can someone promise you the world one day and wake up the next like they never knew you. From the moment we met we told each other how happy we were to have each other, how much we loved each other, and how we'd work through anything to reach our goal of getting married. I was a virgin when we met and I told her that I wanted to wait until marriage but she pressured me into having sex. That was a sign from God that I ignored but I let my love for her overrule what I knew to be right. Most people speak of girls cherishing their purity, but I as a man cherished mine also. That was a special part of me. It was a gift that I wanted only my wife to have, I wanted her to feel special. That's a decision that I have so many regrets about. She pressured me to have sex so as our relationship continued we kept having sex. I felt so special, so loved. I'd always write her poems and buy her things to let her know that my love was real. As our relationship continued she grew more distant from me as I grew closer to her. We broke up and although I fought to keep the relationship she showed no effort but she said that she loved me. I ended up only hurting myself more by asking her why wouldn't she try with me and finding out she had another boyfriend not long after we broke up. She got engaged a couple months later and that just made me feel like I was the lowest thing on the earth.
So many days I felt broken, lonely, and depressed. I tried to kill myself. I know most people that know me will find that strange, but that's the sad reality. It's painful to lose someone you gave your heart and soul to and I didn't know how to deal with it. Questions used to fill my head such as: "Why wasn't I good enough?', "Why didn't she give any effort?", or "I should've did this or that". But what I learned is that the sad reality is that I should've never began this relationship. Sure it was a learning experience but you should never have to be with someone who makes you compromise your principles. Take time to get to know a person and what they really stand for. Sometimes we fail to wait on God and let our emotions cloud our judgement. Oftentimes the signs were there all along but we ignored them. We find one thing that we like about a person but ignore five things that tell us that this person isn't the one. Although heart break hurts it is a blessing. The sooner in a relationship it happens may be the better. God has to end relationships for our own protection. This breakup had purpose as I'm sure everyone's does. God knew that the heartbreak would lead me back to him. I talked to counselors, family, and friends, but the pain and brokenness remained. Not until I began to read my Bible did I see the blessing in the pain. I am in no way claiming to be a perfect person. I still make mistakes, but I'd like to share what I learned from this experience.
1. Don't force a relationship. Have your standards and don't lower them for anyone. Sure a person may be charming but make sure you're on the same level mentally, physically, and spiritually before you invest your heart. I speak from a Christian viewpoint so I look to Romans 12:2. If they claim to be a Christian but want to use worldly standards in the relationship you should ask God to give you the strength to walk away from that. The Bible is to be accepted, not debated or subtracted from. If something is from God you won't have to compromise in any shape or form that isn't pleasing to God.
2. STOP having sex. If you haven't I hope you can remain that way. It's easier said than done but I hope this is something you will pray about. Giving yourself to people who haven't committed to you (marriage) will only leave you with regret. Sex is more than a physical act. It connects your soul to a person. It forms a bond. That's what is meant by the term "one flesh" in the Bible (Mark 10:8). Every person you have sex with gets a piece of your soul. You and your future spouse should have something to look forward to. You're worth being honored in marriage.
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. ~ 1 Corinthians 6:16-20
3. I never knew how much words meant until I loved someone. When you love someone their words whether good or bad, mean so much to you. Love is a powerful word and so many people abuse it. If you don't love someone don't say that you do and make sure you know what love is yourself. A person that hurts, lies, and mistreats you doesn't truly love you. Lying hurts other people as much as physical pain. This causes some of us to have trust issues and can affect your self-esteem. Speaking from my experience that's the damage that it caused me. A broken promise means a broken trust and relationship. Trust and respect as well as one's honor is the basis of our relationship with God. He expects us to keep our word to others as well.
4. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. ~ 1 Corinthians 7:6-8
Being single is a gift. There's a purpose to being single. Don't spend your singleness searching for a mate or feeling lonely. It's the perfect time to better yourself and serve God in a capacity that a married person can't. You can be more dedicated to Christ than a married person can. Be content in your singleness.
5. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. ~ Matthew 6:14-15
One of the most important things that I learned is forgiveness. I was so angry. I wondered how could someone say they care for me but hurt me at the same time. Then I looked at my relationship with God. I sin daily and hurt Him but He forgives me constantly. We have to be the same way. Even though that person may not be sorry we have to forgive. Forgiveness helps the victim more than the accused. Bitterness will build up in your heart and make it hard for you to be open to love. It will cause your heart to become hardened and keep you from being at peace and moving on.
I'm not an expert on life and I don't know it all but I hope that this helps someone. We are put here to help encourage and build up one another. I hope that my story touches your heart and helps you. If you have been hurt or are going through a storm I want you to know that you are worth more than the broken promises, lies, and pain. Joel 2:25 says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." God will fully restore you.Your heart is valuable. The pain you endured had a purpose. Use it to grow. God loves you. Be blessed.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Heart to Heart
I was born on January 2, 1990 to Emanuel and Sylvia in Jackson, MS. My hometown is Bolton, MS where I lived my entire childhood. I am the third of five children and the only boy. Most of my family is from the small towns of Bolton and Edwards. Although these towns are located in the country, I couldn't have picked a better place to grow up.
My childhood was pretty good. I grew up learning the value of hard work and I also was a very good student. My dad was a logger so I would work with him on the weekends and in the summer. I learned how to work for what I wanted and I also learned valuable life lessons as well. Not many people can say that they know how to drive a tractor trailer, operate a chain saw, and use logging equipment. These skills will always be beneficial to me. Academically I did well also. I started off slow in my early years but once I got rolling I made A's and B's all throughout grade school.
I grew up in a Baptist church and my family attended church frequently. I was baptized at an early age but I don't think I knew the importance of this then. At church I would sometimes sleep or play with my cousin, but I can't say that the relationship with God was there. I didn't spend any time outside of church studying the Word but I do thank my parents for raising me in the church and teaching me right from wrong, because when I got older I remembered this foundation and I had something to turn back to and seek that connection with God.
I would like to think that I was a good child. Throughout my academic career I made honor roll, didn't stay in a lot of trouble, and helped out at home. My personality could best be described as introverted. I'm not open to a whole lot of people. Two of my sisters are usually the people that I go to when I need someone to talk to and even then I find it hard to express myself. I don't have a lot to say all the time but there's always something on my mind. I feel this may have helped me and hurt me in some ways growing up. One of the biggest things that hurt me growing up is to not have my dad there for me emotionally. My dad was a great provider and protector, don't get me wrong but I felt like I missed out on having his validation. When I had programs at school he would hardly attend, I wanted to play sports but I didn't have anyone to give me that extra encouragement to try out, and I just wanted him to be interested in things that I was interested in. But all the things that I thought made me a good child weren't enough because I was still lacking spiritually. There were several things that I knowingly did wrong and felt not guilt from it. One problem that I had is that I would steal. I was caught stealing from Wal-Mart one day and I can say that this is one thing that helped to open my eyes.
In high school I continued to make good grades. I had some teachers who had a big impact on my life with whom I still communicate with. I was involved in Student Council, Beta Club, and I played football my senior year. My high school years was pretty good and I can say that they were some of the best years of my life. There is one area that I struggled in during this time. As a teenager I didn't date a whole lot but the few relationships that I did have I took them very seriously. I have always been in the mindset that the goal of my relationship is marriage and I guess that's why I get so hurt when things end. I was dating this girl in the 11th grade whom that I really cared about but we stopped talking. So I just shut down towards relationships for a while. I was open to dating during my senior year but after I made the decision to join the Air Force I changed my mind because I didn't want to have to have a long distance relationship. So I remained single for a while.
I joined the Air Force and left for basic training after graduating high school. This was my first time being away from home and it took me a while to adjust but I handled the transition pretty well. Fortunately for me I was stationed only 10 hours from home so I could visit home occasionally. My time in the Air Force introduced me to all kinds of people with all kinds of backgrounds. This also introduced me to adulthood where I had to make my own decisions. For the most part I hung out with some decent people. Some of them influenced me one way or another. We went out every weekend, I tried smoking and drinking, all things that were so new to me. This was another time in my life that I had to evaluate my actions. I would go to church but I still lacked the consistency of study and prayer to grow with God.
I separated from active duty and moved back home. My sister introduced me to a church that she had started recently attend in and this church really began to change my life. The words from the sermon seemed to touch me in a way that church had never touch me before and I just wanted to study more and do more. I became more involved in church and joined a ministry. I felt like I was finally starting to have a relationship with God not just because my parents made me attend church or just to do it because seemed like the right thing to do, but because it was necessary.
Not long after attending this church I met this girl. I hadn't dated in about four years but when I met this girl I just knew she was the one. We got into a relationship that pushed me away from God that I failed to break off because of my love for her. I was a virgin and she wanted to have sex so I gave in. That was a huge mistake. I would invite her to church but she never wanted to go with me. I didn't realize that her actions showed that she didn't care for me because I believed in her words. She broke up with me and that left me so broken. That was one of the most traumatic experiences in my life. I can truly say that this experience really helped change my life the most and show me that I need to be closer to God. This is one of my biggest testimonies because I dealt with so much depression from this situation but I held on. One scripture that keeps me going and that I refer to daily is Genesis 50:20; "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive." I know that God will allow me to use this situation for His glory and to help others.
I am currently in college pursuing a degree in elementary education. Hopefully one day I will be able to serve God through teaching, but if not I will use whatever career path I embark on to spread God's love. I contribute my attitude and respect towards women to my sisters. I don't like to see them hurt so I want to treat someone else's sister the same. I contribute some of my outlook and attitude towards life to my father. My dad taught me to have a strong work ethic and to always do things honestly. I learned a lot of valuable life lessons from him. I thank God that I had a good foundation growing up and I have something to have faith in when times get tough.
The purpose of your time here on earth is not primarily about acquiring possessions, attaining status, achieving success, or experiencing happiness. Those are secondary issues. Life is all about love- with God and with other people. You may succeed in many areas but if you fail to learn how to love others, you'd have missed the reason why God created you.
My childhood was pretty good. I grew up learning the value of hard work and I also was a very good student. My dad was a logger so I would work with him on the weekends and in the summer. I learned how to work for what I wanted and I also learned valuable life lessons as well. Not many people can say that they know how to drive a tractor trailer, operate a chain saw, and use logging equipment. These skills will always be beneficial to me. Academically I did well also. I started off slow in my early years but once I got rolling I made A's and B's all throughout grade school.
I grew up in a Baptist church and my family attended church frequently. I was baptized at an early age but I don't think I knew the importance of this then. At church I would sometimes sleep or play with my cousin, but I can't say that the relationship with God was there. I didn't spend any time outside of church studying the Word but I do thank my parents for raising me in the church and teaching me right from wrong, because when I got older I remembered this foundation and I had something to turn back to and seek that connection with God.
I would like to think that I was a good child. Throughout my academic career I made honor roll, didn't stay in a lot of trouble, and helped out at home. My personality could best be described as introverted. I'm not open to a whole lot of people. Two of my sisters are usually the people that I go to when I need someone to talk to and even then I find it hard to express myself. I don't have a lot to say all the time but there's always something on my mind. I feel this may have helped me and hurt me in some ways growing up. One of the biggest things that hurt me growing up is to not have my dad there for me emotionally. My dad was a great provider and protector, don't get me wrong but I felt like I missed out on having his validation. When I had programs at school he would hardly attend, I wanted to play sports but I didn't have anyone to give me that extra encouragement to try out, and I just wanted him to be interested in things that I was interested in. But all the things that I thought made me a good child weren't enough because I was still lacking spiritually. There were several things that I knowingly did wrong and felt not guilt from it. One problem that I had is that I would steal. I was caught stealing from Wal-Mart one day and I can say that this is one thing that helped to open my eyes.
In high school I continued to make good grades. I had some teachers who had a big impact on my life with whom I still communicate with. I was involved in Student Council, Beta Club, and I played football my senior year. My high school years was pretty good and I can say that they were some of the best years of my life. There is one area that I struggled in during this time. As a teenager I didn't date a whole lot but the few relationships that I did have I took them very seriously. I have always been in the mindset that the goal of my relationship is marriage and I guess that's why I get so hurt when things end. I was dating this girl in the 11th grade whom that I really cared about but we stopped talking. So I just shut down towards relationships for a while. I was open to dating during my senior year but after I made the decision to join the Air Force I changed my mind because I didn't want to have to have a long distance relationship. So I remained single for a while.
I joined the Air Force and left for basic training after graduating high school. This was my first time being away from home and it took me a while to adjust but I handled the transition pretty well. Fortunately for me I was stationed only 10 hours from home so I could visit home occasionally. My time in the Air Force introduced me to all kinds of people with all kinds of backgrounds. This also introduced me to adulthood where I had to make my own decisions. For the most part I hung out with some decent people. Some of them influenced me one way or another. We went out every weekend, I tried smoking and drinking, all things that were so new to me. This was another time in my life that I had to evaluate my actions. I would go to church but I still lacked the consistency of study and prayer to grow with God.
I separated from active duty and moved back home. My sister introduced me to a church that she had started recently attend in and this church really began to change my life. The words from the sermon seemed to touch me in a way that church had never touch me before and I just wanted to study more and do more. I became more involved in church and joined a ministry. I felt like I was finally starting to have a relationship with God not just because my parents made me attend church or just to do it because seemed like the right thing to do, but because it was necessary.
Not long after attending this church I met this girl. I hadn't dated in about four years but when I met this girl I just knew she was the one. We got into a relationship that pushed me away from God that I failed to break off because of my love for her. I was a virgin and she wanted to have sex so I gave in. That was a huge mistake. I would invite her to church but she never wanted to go with me. I didn't realize that her actions showed that she didn't care for me because I believed in her words. She broke up with me and that left me so broken. That was one of the most traumatic experiences in my life. I can truly say that this experience really helped change my life the most and show me that I need to be closer to God. This is one of my biggest testimonies because I dealt with so much depression from this situation but I held on. One scripture that keeps me going and that I refer to daily is Genesis 50:20; "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive." I know that God will allow me to use this situation for His glory and to help others.
I am currently in college pursuing a degree in elementary education. Hopefully one day I will be able to serve God through teaching, but if not I will use whatever career path I embark on to spread God's love. I contribute my attitude and respect towards women to my sisters. I don't like to see them hurt so I want to treat someone else's sister the same. I contribute some of my outlook and attitude towards life to my father. My dad taught me to have a strong work ethic and to always do things honestly. I learned a lot of valuable life lessons from him. I thank God that I had a good foundation growing up and I have something to have faith in when times get tough.
The purpose of your time here on earth is not primarily about acquiring possessions, attaining status, achieving success, or experiencing happiness. Those are secondary issues. Life is all about love- with God and with other people. You may succeed in many areas but if you fail to learn how to love others, you'd have missed the reason why God created you.
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