In many ways men and women are different, and many they’re the same. I hear a lot of people say that men fall in love with what they see and women with what they hear. Well the last time I checked both have five senses. It’s unfair to make a general statement of all men and women. Both should strive to appeal to all the senses of the other. We stereotype people by race, gender, age, etc. all the time and even though most of it is said in a comical way, some of it fails to assess the character of the individual. All black people don’t show up late, all men don’t cheat, all young people are ignorant about important things in life. It may be common for a particular group but you can’t assume it of everyone. Stereotypes devalue taking the time to genuinely get to know a person. Men like being told that they’re appreciated. Women like a man that takes care of himself. Those are things that most humans appreciate. We all are the same in many ways, being that all humans have basic needs that must be fulfilled. These needs aren’t gender specific.
I watch a lot of talk shows where people proclaim to know why a person did a certain action. Sure this person may be correct, but the only way you’ll know for sure is if you ask that person. A lot of people will ask questions like why do men cheat, why don’t men like to share their emotions, why do women act a certain way? Honestly I find a lot of those questions hard to answer. I don’t think anyone can give you a definite answer for a lot of behaviors, but they can tell you a bunch of possible answers. Ultimately the answer is because they’re selfish, but to come up with the more specific reason you’re better off treating it case by case. I can make assumptions and those always have a chance of being just as right as they could be wrong. I’ve never been the type of man to cheat or not express myself (ex.), so I don’t feel qualified to speak on something not a part of my character. I can only make assumptions about things like this. I believe that people should ask the individual who committed the offense because they’re more capable to speak on their actions than anyone else.
Relationships and marriage are about serving one another. One person shouldn’t do all the giving and the other all the taking. Both should have their needs met and should be able to get some of their wants. With that said, people should treat others the way they want to be treated. If a man wants his woman to look good all the time he should do that as well. Take care of your clothes, keep your hair up, stay in shape. If a woman likes to hear her man tell her nice things, return the favor. Tell him how much you appreciate him and how much he means to you. In a relationship both people should always look for ways that they can please their significant other, within reason. When it comes to things that were traditionally assigned to gender roles I believe that a lot of men should rethink how they look at them. Gone are the days where a woman stayed at home and cleaned and cooked all day. Women are more educated and taking on more roles in society than even 30 years ago. It’s very selfish for a man to expect his wife to have dinner made after working 8 hours, picking up the children from school, and sometimes being in school themselves. My mother raised me up to know how to cook for myself and clean up behind myself. She told me I might not even get married, and if I do, what will I do if my wife gets sick or she’s pregnant? These are all things to be considered. If a man and woman are both working full time jobs, then the responsibility of keeping the house up should be shared.
We all are the same, but still every individual has a different set of beliefs, every individual’s thinking process is different, every individual’s behavior, nature, attitude differs from each other. Even in families, every member of the same family has a different mentality, mindset, and behavior. The key to relationships is understanding each other. And we can only do this by spending time to get to know the individual. There are a few things that I want to talk about that I think make relationships between people complicated, and I want to bring attention to them.
1. Perception
One thing that makes relationships difficult is perception. Perception is the way in which something is regarded, understood or interpreted, We all are the same, but still every individual has different perception. Our perception of things comes from our environment growing up or from our past beliefs and experiences. We form our perception on what did and didn’t work before, and sometimes that can kill the reality. Everyone has a different level of understanding. That’s why two people can give different meaning to the same thing and can form two different views for the same topic. The biggest problem with perception is that no body’s perception is based on the present situation or experience, every perception is based on history, past experiences and beliefs which has nothing to do with today’s reality. People will do things or not do things in a new relationship based on how successful it was in previous relationships. A lot of time this hurts relationships. And perception plays a very important role in our communication, because we communicate based on our views and perception, hence this can create a mess when two people have two different views for the same thing. People shouldn’t fight or argue about their perception. They should communicate to understand, they should not communicate to reply or to argue. Their perception can differ but understanding can bring that perception to common ground. Your perception doesn’t mean it’s reality, it means it is your own belief and it is based on your experiences. It has nothing to do with reality, so perception can be wrong. But a relationship with love, care, and kindness is above that. The goal is to always understand and come to common ground. Don’t argue on the basis of perception. Understand and move on. Life is about understanding, it’s not about always being right. It’s good to ask questions to get a better understanding. I think back to doing book reports in elementary and how our teachers told us to ask those questions: who, what, where, when, why, and how. These questions are very important when a problem of perception arises.
2. Expectation
Sometimes we expect too much from people. Expectations always hurt, because everyone in this world is a human, and unless you make known what you want people won’t understand. Your partner isn’t a super hero, you need to accept the reality that you need to ask for things. You want something then have clear conversation. Usually what happens is that partners don’t say, instead they just expect the other person to understand without saying anything. Not saying and expecting things to go right always happens in movies, and we’re living in the real world, and reality can be harsh sometimes but we need to accept it and need to handle reality like a brave person. We live under the influence of movies and media where everything is so perfect, but reality is far different from those movies. Expectations in life that everything will be ok without your actions and without plans isn’t possible. In relationships you need to communicate. You need to share your likes, dislikes, and only then the other person will know you. Expecting the other person to understand without you telling them what you want will ruin your relationship. Communicate, understand, and support each other always.
3. Assumptions
We all know what assuming means, Assumptions are nothing but a thought or belief which we have in our mind and we have no proof for that thought and that thought has nothing to do with reality. Assumptions can be of two type: direct and indirect. Direct where we have a certain thought in our mind and we believe it’s right, and indirect means we hear some information from someone else, and both kinds of assumptions are really very sour for any kind of relationship and also for our life growth, because most of the time we assume things which aren’t right and that assumption will take us to the wrong way. For example, every girl’s smile doesn’t mean they love you. It can be a friendly smile, or anyone assuming that they can’t do something just because they don’t have enough qualification will do nothing but just stop them from their growth. Hence instead of assuming have clear conversation and take action and then see the result, don’t just assume the outcome without trying anything. Take action and then see the outcome and accordingly be flexible about the methods which can take you to your perfect life.
Most people would agree that communication is a huge factor in relationships, but it has to be more than just that. There has to be understanding and empathy for two people to coexist with one another. We all have a habit of it, but the stereotypes that we have of other genders and groups can hinder our growth in relationships a lot. Experience can be valuable, but not every situation is a reminder of your past. Communication and understanding are so key. Talk, ask questions, love, and respect one another. Peace and blessings.
