What is it that you want to accomplish in life? What are you going to sacrifice to do it? How committed are you going to be to getting it done? Many times I think that we think too big when it comes to our goals, purpose, and desires. Contrary to what we believe, sometimes less is better.
I can recall so many conversations that myself and others have had about wanting to be doctors, lawyers, business owners, etc. We want all the homes and cars that money can buy. In addition to that we want to get married and have children, well most of us. These are some of the biggest goals that we have. But the thing that I’ve come to learn about goals is that they take lots of work to achieve and lots of work to maintain. I want to be married, have children, and achieve many career accomplishments, but I pray that God makes me a great husband, father, and person even if I never own the business that I want, drive the $80,000 truck that I want, and own all the land that I want. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with working to become a millionaire but don’t let your family suffer because of it. The Bible tells us that our family is our first ministry, so we should take that as our top priority. That’s not just our blood relatives, but our family in Christ. Even if you don’t have a spouse or children, there’s someone’s life that you’re able to pour into in this huge world. Even though I’m not married, I can tell you that being a husband is a full time job, let alone being a parent. Then you add in working hard on our job to get that next promotion, going to school for that next degree, or managing our own business, it’s easy for something to get neglected. Many times we want to be world conquerors while failing to realize that a small village needs to be built first. Lots of work goes into being that village as well. What good is it if we become a millionaire and our spouse leaves us because we neglected to spend time with them, or if we get that doctorate degree and we never got to attend one of our children’s basketball games, or if we donate to several charities and couldn’t even help our struggling relatives? I never want to be successful in my career if it will come at the expense of my family.
I don’t know if you’re like me, but I look at other people around me and pick up on things that I can do for my wife or children. Not to say that my parents are bad or that they neglected me, but there are so many things that I’m still learning that I wish I could’ve learned years ago. The one thing that I can do about it now is make sure that I teach my children early. The most important and valuable things in life are not always obvious to us. For example, both we and our children need to be taught from the Bible just how amazing marriage really is. Most children know a lot of married people — their parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, or teachers. To them, marriage doesn’t seem amazing. They do not know that it is a wonder of the gospel. Our kids will learn about love, sex, and marriage from someone. We have an opportunity to teach them before the world does. Our world says that marriage is something we invented for ourselves. So, we can reinvent it in any way we want. And, indeed, our world is doing just that. It is aggressively saturating our children with a new and unbiblical vision of marriage and sexuality and human flourishing. Families with different parental arrangements and interchangeable roles and titles cause confusion in our children. Your children need to hear God’s definition of marriage from you — one man and one woman giving all of themselves to each other for their whole lives (Matthew 19:4–6). That’s why a married couple shares everything. They share their hearts, their name, their home — even their bodies. Explain why Daddy and Mommy kiss and hold each other. Talk about divorce in the most tender of terms. When sin hardens our hearts (Mark 10:2–5), we can hurt the ones we are supposed to love the most. This matters because a biblical marriage shows the world a tiny picture of the Big Romance — the one between Christ and his church in love together. Teach your children about money, introduce them to a variety of different careers, teach them things that they won’t learn in school. You are their first teacher and you should be one throughout their life. I think back to one of my favorite books in the Bible, Proverbs, and how the author is in the role of a parent talking to their child. This is how you give someone wisdom, you teach them principles that they can apply to life even when you aren’t there to talk them through the situation. And as I’ve grown up I have found that there are a ton of things that I’m still unprepared for, but using discernment I have been able to navigate through them. Teach them the Bible, but know that the Bible is practical for daily use. They’ll appreciate it someday. They need to learn about paying taxes, setting a budget, being resourceful when it comes to repairing things, business etiquette, work ethic, etc. Does this seem like a lot? It sure is to me and I’m not even done yet.
Think about how large a commitment that marriage is. I’m not married and I don’t proclaim to be some marriage guru, but I do have the wisdom and knowledge that God has given me through His Word. To love a person like Christ loved the Church takes extreme sacrifice, patience, kindness, forgiveness (all the things that love is). Are you ready for all of that? I’m talking about late night runs to the store to pick up medicine, having to rush to their aid when their car is broke down and you have a meeting at work, postponing a dream of yours for the good of the marriage. This is no small task, but many spouses will spend their money foolishly, spend all their time with the frat brothers/sorors, or take on so many work obligations that they never have time for their spouse. Remember none of these things are wrong, but remember one thing from this article if you don’t remember anything else: PRIORITIES. Who’s going to be there when you leave that job in 5, 10, or 20 years? Who’s going to be there when you lose a parent or loved one? Who’ll be their when you’re sick or going through bad times? Since marriage is a lifelong commitment the answer should be your spouse, so don’t neglect someone and count on them to be there when you need them but you couldn’t be there when they needed you. Make sure you have those intimate talks with your spouse about your failings, your purpose, and what you can do to grow closer to each other and to God. Even if you need to schedule time to do this, make sure that it’s done. I believe in the old saying that we make time for what’s important. If your marriage is important to you, you will work to make sure that it grows, not just goes through the motions of the past.
Many people feel like they need to move to a new city to accomplish more or become a better person, but are you running from work and running to a distraction? I’ve found some of the best moments for growing and self reflection is when I’ve been alone. You can’t always follow the crowd or do what everyone else is doing. Let God lead you. We want to change the world, but we haven’t done anything to even change our community. Sometimes your environment requires you to relocate, and sometimes you have to change your environment. I can remember wanting to have buildings named after me and feeling like I need a certain amount of money to make a change, but God showed me that making a difference starts with the work done within. All the fancy buildings and notoriety means nothing if the people around me aren’t changed from within. Am I instilling anything inside of them that will make them a better person, child, parent, or friend? These things are what matter most. So if you’re like the majority of us, you’ll never have your name on buildings, be known across the world, or be wealthy, but you can be well known in God’s eyes by the work that you can contribute to the growth of someone’s soul.
Last but not least, don’t minimize the importance of being the best person that you can be. The Bible doesn’t guarantee that we’ll all get married or have children, but if you’re here on this earth you know that He promised us that you will prosper and gave you plans for hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). Strive to be the best person that you can be. Make that one of your top goals in life. This requires constant prayer, sacrifice, and God’s grace. You will fall short if you count your mistakes, but God’s grace is sufficient and His forgiveness is constant. Seek His forgiveness and repent from your sin. God will see your dedication and reward you for it in due time. Work to have a heart like Christ’s everyday. Show the fruits of the spirit, love, forgive, commit to Him, and rely on Him daily to help you navigate through this life.
This post is in no way saying to have no ambition towards accomplishing things in your career or school, but make sure that you give precedence to what’s the most important. Everyday we see marriages that could’ve lasted or could be better if someone showed more commitment to it, children who grow up with so many identity issues because of what they endured as a child, and people who are famous and have all the money in the world but they have the ugliest hearts. Not even just with marriages and children, but we should strive to be far better people than what our careers could ever suggest. Don’t mistreat people just to climb your way up the corporate ladder. What if you end up not even liking the job, but those very people you mistreated won’t easily forget how you treated them. Life has a way of humbling you down. Even if you don’t have to mistreat anyone or do anything unethical, you should still strive to be recognized for far more than your skillset. “According to the New Testament, the family of God—not marriage—is the primary community in which spiritual growth occurs. Among the early Christians, marriage and singleness were both subordinated to the overarching model of the church as a family and to an overarching passion to accept the Great Commission and win the world for Christ.” We must not neglect the main reason that we are here, to love God and others. When we neglect the responsibility and commitment that we should have to them, we’re doing a huge disservice to everyone. Peace and blessings.
